Hey Guys!!

Julien told Aranessa to find his sister, but to retreat at the first sign of danger because he couldn't bear to lose her—only for Aranessa to immediately tell him to guard her sister "as you would me". As in with his life. The message is, "You gave me explicit permission to return to you without your sister, but I won't give the same".

Aranessa told Julien from across a shared bed, "I wouldn't be frightened to look for that golden boat if you were by my side," and then said to Thaisha days later, in front of him, that she would walk the Old Path when it beckoned. The message is, "I expect you to wait for me if you die first, but I won't do the same".

Two child soldiers who only see themselves as a weapon to be used and if they don't feel useful, they spiral. They see themselves as expendable and hyperfocus on tasks because otherwise, they're lost.

And where they differ is how this pain has shaped them.

Julien has become jaded and hardened, and almost resigned to his position. Stoic apathy is a mask for deep-seeded pain and the agony of devotion.

Azune has become deeply empathetic and desperately trying to embody the people who have inspired him. He doesn't really know how to exist outside of what people tell him to do and he's panicking.

Both have seemingly lost their sense of identity outside of what others tell them they are or what they should do, and are picking up the pieces in the wake of these events.

And I think, for me, this makes Azune's attempt to reach out to Julien and show him empathy in episode 4 just hits harder for me.

I think Azune, actually, particularly because he is acutely aware that he is alive because of multiple parental figures putting themselves in mortal danger, from his own parents risking (and likely succumbing) to starvation to the older members of the Torn Banner taking arrows for him, is deeply uncomfortable with the idea of having a death wish. To do so would be a betrayal of all those who came before him. He opens his conversation with Hal by asking if he thinks Thjazi didn't break the glyph to save him, and his emotional breakdown seems much more one of grief and stress and probably some guilt at feeling relief, because I don't think Azune wanted to die at all; he just wanted Thjazi to die even less, and was so dedicated to that cause he didn't plan his own exit.

Azune keeps his cool and is both a protector and a shoulder to cry on, figuratively and literally, until he gets this quiet moment with Hal where he feels supported and can let go. When he talks to Julien I don't think it's recognition of a similar feeling but rather a measured and empathetic chastising. It's reminding Julien that he is alive because Thaisha and Vaelus and Aranessa fought with him, and he can have allies here if he doesn't push them away.

Sketching the boi bc I miss him