A Look Into Our Polyamorous Life

I apologize its taken awhile to respond. 

You were honest upon entering the relationship, but being that it was set in that monogamous state for so long I can see where he might have had the misunderstanding. This is at no ones fault, its just how the mind set ended up being. I do believe it can work as long as you are willing to put in the effort. If it were I in this situation the first thing I would make clear to him is that the relationship needs complete openness. Some relationships are polyamours but they have the “don’t ask,don’t tell” policy. I think in this case that would be very destructive. I would even go as far as to suggest completely unveiling your partners to one another. When I say that I mean letting each other meet the others partners. This will help control what I call the superman effect. It deflates the thoughts of the “other” person before the image can over exaggerated. Another helping tool would be reinforcement, Make sure you are taking dedicated time to reinforce your partner that your feelings for them is no less and in that they will never change due to another person. So all in all, yes I do think it can work... He is willing to try for you which tells me that he does care for you a great deal. If you would like anymore help or even some thoughts on helping reinforcement feel free to message me on here!

 I just wanted to update everyone a little about the situation and share a few thoughts about everything. There hasn’t been any signs of anything getting better although i’ve attempted to keep in touch with Hunny. Things are a rocky.., But I did try to go that mile to show her we care. We’ve been trying to give her space as it seems she has a few things she needs to figure out with general life but not just relationships. As I said in the before post  the blog will be staying open, There will still be stories from King and I’s adventure though the Polyamorous lifestyle.

 I’ve been giving King all the support possible, I know that things like this can have more of an impact on him or should I say a different impact on him than they do me. I know Kings resolve is to hold on and keep hoping but I feel at this point, as I do with most situations that it is unwanted attempts of pursuing. I personally have a very unhealthy defence mechanism that when faced with the chance of getting hurt I can shut down emotions. I say unhealthy only because the doctors say it's unhealthy, It allows me to escape emotions that others have to face and deal with which might sound like a positive thing but those type of emotions never stay bottled up forever and when they do come out it seems to be worse given that others have a harder time understanding something that is past and should have been dealt with.

 Support, The good thing is that even in a hard time we still have one another and know as partners that together we will get through it... Cause honestly there is no better way to describe love and partnership is there? Someone being there to help shoulder the weight, to wipe the tears, give encouragement and lend strength in a time of weakness? As well as aggravating for entertainment, wrestling when trying to run from gross stuff and being there to warn them how fat they’re getting }=D.

 We do have a few things that we are looking forward to. Looking for a new car is one of them.. Yay new ride!? How about suggestions? Anyone get a car recently that was decent price and is super reliable? Another thing we’ve been looking at is a bit of a bigger house, we enjoy where we live now because of family and the amazing landlord but we feel it’s time for a upgrade. Promise i'm not bragging with any of this, I just feel as though we’ve held back from these things in life.. feeling as though we didn’t want to complete our lives but it’s like we’re waiting for a ghost. At this point I think we’ve waited enough for life to happen.. Instead we are just going to live life and see what comes our way. We both agree that if you keep waiting for happiness and waiting for that perfect moment in life you will miss it because you are too busy waiting.

 A few pieces of advice i’d like to share is, You can’t let one relationship shape your thoughts for all relationships, Happiness is made not forced, good things come to those who fight for it, Perfection is less perfect and more so robotic, Keep waiting for life to happen and it’ll sneak out the back door.

 Slightly hard to write this at this time but i’ve attempted to be as upfront and real as possible when it's come to this blog. That and I would like to get this out of the way, rest my mind, and escape for a bit. I’m really unsure how to say it so i’ll just come out with it as blunt as I can but our triad is no more. At this time we don’t not know that there is a future for it either. Since I (baby) am the one writing the post I can really only share it from my point of view. From what I believe the distance in the relationship caused to much strain on Honey. Even when you acknowledge distance that doesn’t mean you can always be prepared for it. I have decided to keep the blog open until further notice. The blog was made with the thought of helping others in the same position maybe have some access to knowledge in any way possible. Being so I will still be here to answer any questions or to give a listening ear to anyone who may need it.

To everyone that showed love and support.. I thank you.. You will never truly know how much it meant or how much it was appreciated.

Love,

A Few Thoughts By Baby

I have had a lot of encounters where people are asking me various questions attempting to define Polyamory. The only definitions for Polyamory is not necessarily related directly to marriage or to polygamy; a person may have no spouse or only one spouse and still be polyamorous. Many people use the term “polyamory” to describe only those relationships in which a person has multiple loving partners; some people have extended the term to include relationships in which a person has multiple sexual partners regardless of the emotional component or degree of commitment between them, though this meaning was not a part of Morning Glory Zell’s original intent for the word. In 1992, when the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary contacted Morning Glory Zell to ask for a formal definition and background of the word; part of her response was “The two essential ingredients of the concept of ‘polyamory’ are ‘more than one’ and ‘loving.’ That is, it is expected that the people in such relationships have a loving emotional bond, are involved in each other’s lives multi-dimensionally, and care for each other. Outside of that, There is no way to subtitle Polyamory(ous). The rules and guidelines are defined by each relationship and can change or alter depending on members entering and exiting the relationship. Yes there are different definitions for different types of polyamorous relationships, but that doesn’t mean that your relationship needs to fall into one of those categories to be defined as a polyamorous relationship or it doesn’t change the fact if you yourself are polyamorous or not. Another thing I hear alot about is that people are unsure or questioning if they are poly, If you are unsure then the best advice I can give is to take your time and do a little soul searching. If you are polyamorous there is surely nothing that is wrong with it and all the same if you aren’t, A poly lifestyle isn’t going to be for everyone. Some people are 100% monogamous and others are just at that level where alone feels better than companionship. Something I preach nonstop is that everyone deserves to be happy, As long as you aren’t hurting anyone (This statement excludes the piss poor parents that say your relationship choices “hurt them” because they are to stuck up in the idea that you need to be the embodiment of their idea image)  and you figure out what you truly want out of life go for it full force and don’t let anything hold you back.

Love,

Certainly, I do find this becoming more common. It actually relates to a topic I was going to post today that you’ll be able to see on our page. Just remember its all about consent.  There is a lot of relationships as to where only one partner is polyamorous, in this case she is poly and her spouse is not but allows her to live a polyamorous life style in whatever way she desires. As long as all four parties in this are knowledgeable and consent you have a healthy polyamory triad :).

Love,

We wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone and we hope that you’re enjoying your holidays! May you all get fun and buzzed off of spiked eggnog! And the space under all of your trees be filled with lots of goodies!

I really do hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas but I want to take a second to send out the warmest wishes to those who are not with their families during the holidays. Weather it be you’re too far away, Your family doesn’t accept you for some reason, or even if you simply don’t have one. I hope during this time of the year your life is filled with joy and happiness with the warmth and love of the ones who are close to you.

Happy Holidays

Sincerely,

 A few statements that polyamorous people often hear: “That's great but I could never do that.” “So you get to freely cheat?” “There is no way that could really work.” Something a bit different from the norm came to me a few days ago. My sisters friend came to me with tons of questions then told me about her situation which I felt could be something that many people might be experiencing. She wants a polyamorous relationship but has issues with jealousy. Jealousy does not mean that you are not polyamorous, although I would never push being poly off on anyone.  It's a different situation when someone wants a polyamorous relationship but does not know how to deal with their jealousy. The bottom line is, we all deal with jealousy. People in successful polyamorous relationships are not excluded from that. What separates the two is how this emotion is dealt with. Just as people are plagued with jealousy, we are also armed with coping mechanisms. No, I haven’t had an issue with it in my own relationship but that doesn’t mean that others in poly relationships feel the same.

 First, I want to go over a few of the questions she asked me. She asked how long King and I had been together then wanted to know how I can just so easily share him with someone else. My response to this was that I don’t share King because I receive no less of him now that Honey is involved than when it was just him and I. To share something you must give a piece of something away, and in the case of polyamory you do not share. I am not giving away two pieces of my heart but more so giving my whole heart to two different people.

Another question she asked was how I did not get jealous of King and Honey. I answered this the easiest way I knew how, by asking her a few questions in return such as “You care for your husband don’t you?” and she quickly nodded so I added “and when you care for someone you want them to be happy right?” again a quick nod but this time a smile crossing her face as though a light turned on then I simply state “That's right, when you love and care for someone you want them to be happy so when I see the two of them sharing love while cuddling on the couch or doing something special for one another I get to see two people I care deeply about receiving/giving love. I don’t see a reason for jealousy but only more reason to be happy.” She stared at me for a moment then stated “damn girl, I never thought about it like that.”

  Seeing that she was intrigued by the advice I could give to her I let her explain more in depth about the situation she was in. She and her husband live together and at some point her girlfriend moved in with them. She stated that she cared for them both but she wanted them to each be with only her and didn’t want them to be together. I knew this couldn’t be the case so I poked around picking her brains asking questions and finally found out the underlying issue: it wasn’t that she didn’t want them to be together but that, as most people, she feared that them being together meant less for her all the way around. I think most people go through that thought process of “What if they want to be together without me, What if I get left out, What if I lose them both and end up alone and hurt.” These fears are not unreasonable but most of the time these worries are only us psyching out our own mind.  

 She wanted to know how to deal with the feelings of jealousy and worries about ending up unwanted. I explained to her that if this was something she really wanted, she needed to work on herself first. Bringing someone in when your feelings are unstable about the situation will only end up hurting you and everyone else involved. I also advised her that she needed the utmost support from her partner, this would be one of the key elements in making her desires successful. Another key would be communication. That at any point in time she felt worried, left out, or not as loved, she needed to express that to her partner(s), that bottling up will only end in self destruction.

 Other things I suggested she do was make sure there were rules that she and everyone else was comfortable with. These rules don’t have to apply forever but, until she was able to build up that confidence. the rules could act like training wheels. I told her to maybe have exercises that would allow her to work on those negative feelings but at the same time let the other two bond mentally more than sexually. I suggested that the other two could go out on a date and while they are gone, she could reinforce herself that nothing bad would come of it. Once they got home they could tell her everything that happened on that date then spend the rest of the night focusing all their attention on her. This would support her positive thoughts about nothing bad coming from them being together and show her at the same time she will not receive any less love or affection from either of them.

 If this is something occurring in anyone else's life I hope this article can be of some help, I am not an expert, There are no experts on life.  This is only my advice to someone who sought my guidance.

I don’t want to say that I've been avoiding this topic but more so that I've been collecting my thoughts about it. With that being said I will start but telling you a bit of my personal situation. I have a four year old daughter. I’ll be referring to her from this point on as Buttercup which is the nickname I've been calling her since she was born. For some reason I think of Persian buttercup flowers when I talk about her.  Anyways, Buttercup is not biologically King's child but he's been around her since before she could crawl so in every sense of the word “father”, he is hers. Buttercup has seen Honey for short moments here and there, one in which she decided she wanted to share one of her Halloween peeps with Honey.

       Honey and I have talked about a few times in depth about Buttercup. Honey currently doesn’t have any children but given her profession and having a much younger sibling she is no stranger to kids. I am thankful for this but I have spoke with her about it since it will be a bit different because she will be from the parenting side of it all and she will soon be around Buttercup constantly. From what she expressed she is comfortable with that thought yet maybe a bit anxious about it. As everything else we have decided to take it one day at a time and play it by ear. I constantly get questions about this such as.. What will you tell your daughter, how will or do you introduce her to your daughter, what will your daughter call her, don’t you think that will confuse her and many many more. My only response to these type of questions is.. I don’t know, This is something new for ALL of us. But what I can tell you is that Buttercup is smart, accepting, and loving towards all people. She wants for nothing more than for everyone to be happy and to be friends with everyone.  

    So far my only plans when it comes to Honey and Buttercup is to slowly introduce them into one another's lives. Yes, for the time being she is being introduced as a close friend and Buttercup says that Honey is very nice but as of the future we don’t know what that may hold. It’s hard to say what Honeys relationship with Buttercup will become at this point. I could say that I only have hopes that they will be friends but I can already see more. I see them being able to get close one day and a nickname for Honey could develop at some point that has more meaning to it showing the closeness between them. I was only asked this question once by a stranger I explained the situation to but it did take me back for a moment that I had to think about it but.. I was asked “why wouldn’t she be called mom, would that bother you?”. I thought about it and my conclusion was no, It wouldn’t bother me but that's not something you put on someone or something you train your kid to do. Just the same as with King when he asked for the chance to be called dad I explained to him “If you sign up for that role you must understand that no matter what happens between you and I that dad will always be your role”. If Honey and Buttercup develop a relationship as such I will have no problem with that as long as Honey is willing to sign that life long commitment as well.

   I am going to rant for a moment so please excuse me. Something I am firmly against and can not stand is when a new man is introduced as a child's “daddy” every week. I think it's damaging to the child and a big issue that is overlooked by desperate women nowadays, ‘end rant’. Thank you for baring with me thru that but now back to the topic at hand. As I said before hand Buttercup is smart girl and all she cares about is everyone's loves one another and loves her so I have no concern about any of this. I think that every situation is going to be different and will need to be approached in a way that is appropriate to it. Something that everyone needs to consider is that this will be one of the subjects you will experience biggest conflict in. You will receive a lot of hatred about raising a kid in a polyamory environment. Something you need to remember is, There is always someone that will be judgmental of how you raise your kids. It doesn’t matter if you are in a monogamous relationship or a polyamorous one. As a parent all you can do is know that you are protecting your child, loving them, and showing them what human kindness truly is.