A Poly Child

Hello everyone and thank you for sticking with me. Its been a crazy year(ish) since i last have been on. I’ve graduated from college, am about to move cross country, and have been working all the time. Like, constantly. So this blog has been definitely on the back burner, but I’m hoping to get back into the swing of things. So feel free to send me questions. 

I am sorry I haven’t been very active, I have been going through a lot in my personal life that has kept me from being as involved in things as I would like to be. I am doing my best to get my life back on track and get to where I need to be. 

If you guys would like to help out a little, one thing that has been keeping me from being here very often is college tuition issues. One of my scholarships fell through, leaving me with a total of 8,000 dollars that needs to be covered out of pocket. Even with working my butt off, I am barely even making a dent in this. I did start a gofundme if you would like to donate. I promise 100% of what is given will go towards tuition. I wouldn’t be asking you guys if i wasn’t desperate, and even now as I am writing this, I am struggling with asking. So please, only donate if you really want to. If you send me a message here after you donate, I will be willing to promote a blog, or have a one-on-one conversation, or whatever you would like as a reward. 

The link is: https://www.gofundme.com/vv-college-tuition

Hey guys, as I mentioned in my last post, I am putting a class/discussion on poly parenting and differnet styles, and a more in-depth look at my own childhood and how I feel it affected me. If you are interested in it, please let me know. It will be internet based, either through skype or (more likely) rabbit. There will be an actual presentation and then plenty of time for questions and general discussion. Depending on interest, I will teach the lesson many times, capping each one at probably 10 participants. 

The tentative date on this is Saturday, November 20th. I expect it to take between a half hour and an hour and a half, depending on how many questions and how the discussion goes. 

However, there is one catch. Since I will have to take the day off in order to do this, and it takes a lot of preparation to do something like this, I will be selling the slots for 5 dollars. 

Hey guys, I am working on making this blog more accessible to you, and put out content that you guys are interested in seeing. If you want to send me a message, reply, or reblog this with questions, topics of discussion, feedback, or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated. 

Also, I am currently working on making a queue to keep this blog up to date. I will be adding my own content to that, as well as finding relevant topics of discussion from people who know more than me. 

One final thing to keep a lookout for. I am thinking about doing one-on-one or group sessions (via skype or some other similar service) to open up a dialogue or answer questions more tailored to your specific situation. Eventually once I have a little more time, I’d like to offer “classes” of sorts on healthy ways to run a poly relationship with kids involved, and other varieties of topics. If you are interested in that, send me a message! I have a few ideas already in the works, I just want to make sure the interest is there before moving forward!

This is a different post than what I usually make, but I had some things I wanted to say and thoughts I felt worth sharing so bear with me if you would. One things that is important for me to say at the beginning is that I am monogamous, always have been and always will be. But the last 2 of my relationships have involved dating someone who is poly. And I think it’s time to address some thoughts and feelings and observations I have with that. 

1. If you are poly, be clear and honest about that in the very beginning of the relationship. The first poly person I dated didn’t bother to mention that fact to me until about 3 months in when all of a sudden they wanted to date another person. They assumed that just because I grew up in a poly family that I was just “going to be okay with it” without even talking to me. That hurts a person, especially if they are monogamous, to have something sprung up on that after committing to a relationship for a while. Just be clear about your intentions before you start or shortly after, even if you dont have your eyes on someone else at the time

2. If you are in a poly relationship make a set of “rules” or “guidelines” that everyone is comfortable with. This applies to poly-poly relationships as well as poly-mono ones. When you are dating someone you need to take their feelings and thoughts into account. Make guidelines to follow and stick to them. For example, one of mine was “I want to meet and have a chance to talk to anyone you consider dating” and “We have a routine established, I would appreciate sticking to this routine as often as we can (eg. skype on mondays, calls on the way home from work)” When someone else enters the relationship, the rules may have to be altered to fit, but discuss with your partner what ones CAN be altered, and which ones are a deal breaker to be altered.

3. If youre dating someone who is monogamous, don’t try to force them to be poly. If youre dating someone who is poly, don’t try and force them to be monogamous. People are who they are. If you can’t be okay with your partner’s way of loving, then they aren’t the one for you. You have to be willing to make things work and forcing someone to supress something like that will definitely cause issues later on down the road. Thats not saying a poly person can’t be in a healthy monogamous relationship IF THEY CHOOSE. But if you decide monogamy isnt for you, and the other person isn’t okay with that, it might be time to consider a different partner. Be open, honest, and have lots of conversations, but let people be who they are.