Talk to me while we walk.

say what u want about the manscaped ads I know they are shit, all of them but the “evil, sinister, malcontent, balls” one puts me into fucking hysterics actually

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason

everybody needs to get fatter IMMEDIATELY please im trying to save you 😭😭😭

some kids came on the train and saw someone they knew hopping on yhe train at the next station. one of them goes "yo is that gay sam??" and im like ughhh. okay is that what we're doing. and then sam comes over and theyre like GAY SAM WHATS UPP and gay sam is like NOT MUCH IM GOODDD IM FRIED RIGHT NOWW and they were like classic sam. so. thats on me for assuming honestly

this may be totally incomprehensible to post-9/11 country music listeners but there was a time country music was only about smoking weed and going to jail

Are you implying that 9/11 created bro country

unironically, yes

aborted doctor voice: I would've loved to dismiss the concerns of women and fat people... If I was born...

i love the phrase 'i dont go here but...' like you're so in awe of my work you have decided to trespass into a fandom you dont belong to just to appreciate it. i love everyone who doesn't go here

Maybe the most damming thing about Nolans odyssey is i haven’t seen a single gifset from it

unconvinced i'll ever find "the vitamin" that makes me all better so i can get real work done but i do expect they'll elucidate whatever my deal was post-mortem, after which what i did manage to accomplish with my life will be regarded on the level of Beethoven composing despite being deaf or Gordon Ramsay cooking despite being british