Humour Me

CABBAGES: This time, it’s personal.

“Honey why did you buy the cart that has a 1000 pound steel frame and can hold 20 tons? You’ll never carry even 1 ton of fruits!”

literally skateboarders on college campuses don't fear death or god. no brakes no handles just a blank faced college student hurtling past you faster than a semi truck on the interstate weaving through crowds iced latte in one hand speeding into traffic and dodging cars like a fast and the furious movie. they approach a 200 foot drop and you're begging screaming for them to stop but they just go right over the edge and ride down the entire cliff face at a 90 degree angle and skate off like it's nothing and not a drop of the iced latte has spilled

remember way back in 2006 when the wii first came out and then the entirety of the world forgot how to hold onto something with a firm grasp so much that nintendo had to make a shock absorbing condom just so that tvs wouldnt get destroyed when people would end up sending this thing flying at their tvs at 900 miles per hour

A lot of those incidents were with Wii Bowling, which to me implies that people didn’t so much forget to how to hold something, as they forgot they weren’t holding a bowling ball and weren’t in a bowling alley.

Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it’s the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at.

they all looked at the moon they’re all dead the moon is killing people wake up america

# the lights are agog # the ceiling’s aghast # is the desk drawer in love at last?

need to reblog this again for those tags

the potted plant saw it coming.

then the kitchen sink started running

Today we’re going to go on a class trip! *hands out acid*

THE LAST ONE

poor baby

I’m just awed by the amount of trust in this gif. That tiger totally trusts that the human is going to help with that scary metal object on an already painful area and the human totally trusts that the tiger is just test nibbling and not chomping down on his arm. I flinch when a house cat comes at me too fast and these two don’t even hesitate to trust each other.

baby :3