I think I follow. Is it fair to say that you're pointing out that the glamorization of "righteous" violence as a masculine virtue is a problem, and feeds a larger culture of violence because even the most atrocious acts tend to be seen as heroism by their perpetrators?
And related to this and something that probably shouldn’t go unsaid is that it is a common defense by family annihilators that the wife killed the children and that drove them to kill the wife. Because that’s the defense that aligns with expectations of “protective” male violence
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I think I follow. Is it fair to say that you're pointing out that the glamorization of "righteous" violence as a masculine virtue is a problem, and feeds a larger culture of violence because even the most atrocious acts tend to be seen as heroism by their perpetrators?
love it when a location is evil. when a location fucking sucks. when intrinsically it is so bad and evil that it literally is in the air . this kinda works if its only something special can you imagine a parking lot being evil oooooh every time you park into me i subtly adjust my lines so that you're always slightly tilted
"the issue is as always that the men are not being violent correctly and if you just let them lynch a guy they’d be ok, there is probably a connection between this and stand your ground/kill the pedo fantasies." Can you elaborate on what you're saying here in the context of the post you reblogged? I can't follow whether you're disagreeing with or expanding on the ideas expressed.
One of the things I encounter a lot as a reader of romance novels in particular is the idea that there is sort of a “correct” (inherently protective) male violence that should be encouraged and valourized. In modern culture this same societal encouragement for male violence tends to appear in fantasy as shooting home invaders or killing pedophiles and this connects with the role that protecting white women and girls’ virtue played in lynching culture.
Where this connects with family annihilators is that family annihilation tends to be connected with perceived loss of control or status (just as a home invasion or discovering your child was abused might be). It is an *incorrect* (non protective) display of male violence but it is difficult to combat because it’s so deeply entwined with what is culturally considered to be a positive. The act of turning loss of control inward (harming the family) vs outwards (harming the Other) is the distinction that I feel makes it difficult to culturally combat family annihilators
(And I also would be curious if times of economic or cultural stress have higher rates of family annihilation crimes)
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i am 100% convinced that mobile phone/ social media bans for under 16s are an attempt to remove kids and teens from public life. this is not protecting kids this is locking them in houses with no escape from their abusers. the world is so hostile to teenagers rn
literally everything people say about public defenders on the internet is so wrong and frustrating even when they’re trying to be sympathetic to us. and I certainly said some of that same kind of shit before I did this job. I didn’t get it yet. I get it now. the only people who really do get it are the people who’ve done it and the people who are in or also working with the communities we serve. representing a factually guilty person is the absolute least of any public defender’s fucking problems at any given time and the last thing I would ever lose sleep over lol
what a lot of people in the notes on the post that inspired this train of thought seem to imagine public defenders struggling with and getting upset about: finding out a client committed the crime they're accused of and having to grapple with the morality of defending a person who Did Harm To Others and what that means for the attorney as an individual immortal soul or whatever the fuck
Things that I have actually struggled to deal with in my 2 years as a public defender so far (non-exhaustive list):
Having to put the criminal records and self-esteem and livelihoods of clients I believed were factually innocent, people I'd developed relationships with and knew how much they had to lose if something went wrong, in the hands of a group of strangers who I'd had no more than 20 minutes to question about their knowledge and beliefs and biases.
Worrying those strangers would favor the young, handsome white male prosecutors' arguments over my innocent clients who've had rough lives and it shows on their faces, because of whose voice sounds "authoritative" and who "looks like a criminal".
Never feeling like I had enough time to prepare a case for trial because I also had over 100 other cases pending at the same time.
Put simply, it is harder to represent a factually innocent person than a factually guilty person. I think basically all defense attorneys agree on this. It's more emotionally taxing because of the stakes. There are always material stakes for all of our clients, but for a factually innocent person there are also moral stakes.
Representing people who are technically guilty of the crimes they are charged with, but no one was actually harmed, and maybe the law itself is unfair, and also my client was certainly racially profiled and overcharged. And having to put that in the hands of a jury, because my client wants to maintain whatever dignity they can to the bitter end.
Not being able to just say to the jury, I don't give a fuck whether my client is technically guilty. He's a poor Black man, so he was guilty in the eyes of the American legal system before he was ever arrested. He gets that. I get that. Do you get that? Who gives a shit whether he's factually guilty of a technicality DUI that happened 2 or 3 years ago? What the fuck are we doing? Are we all just here to give another black father a criminal record? Fuck you all.
Representing multiple very young men charged with DV assaults who grew up with fathers who abused their mothers, or parents who abused them, in and out of foster care, multiple generations of cycles of violence and substance abuse passed down from parent to child. It doesn't excuse it. Of course it doesn't. They have done harm to their own partners and they know this isn't the example they want to set for their own kids. But they're human - the idea that abusers are somehow inhuman just sets you up to fail to recognize abuse when someone you love is the person doing it - and what the fuck other ways of dealing with difficult situations and relating to other people were these guys ever supposed to learn? They didn't have the opportunity to learn anything else. They never had a fucking chance.
And if they don't have a lot of history yet, maybe there's still time to turn it around. One of them talked to me about how badly he wanted to break the cycle and not have his kids grow up to be like that. I hope he can do it. I don't know if he will. That's what haunts me about that situation. Not the fact that I had to represent his interests in court. That's just my job.
Family after family after family who call 911 for help for a loved one in a mental health or substance-related crisis. And then the cops show up and throw their loved one in crisis in jail sometimes over the weekend because if you lash out at someone you live with for literally any reason that counts as domestic violence which means the cops legally have to arrest someone. And 24-72 hours later the family is in court upset telling the judge if they knew this would happen they never would have called 911. Cannot stress enough this happens like weekly in misdemeanor court.
A prosecutor submitting victim impact statements for the sentencing of a colleague's client who absolutely had killed their partner, and it was awful - but the victim impact statements were provided by the victim's family, many of whom she was estranged from, and many of them misgendered and deadnamed their dead "loved one". And the prosecutor just threw them all into the public record unredacted. Because of pressure to "listen to victims", in this case coming from the transphobic family.
A 16-year-old getting held in juvenile detention on unproven charges an 18-year-old would get released from adult jail on, because while the 18-year-old is presumed to have the autonomy to find another place to stay, if the charge is related to someone who lives in the 16-year-old's parents' house - or their parents straight-up just don't want them going home - well, then, they can't go home, which means they have nowhere to go. so let's keep them in jail.
On the flip side, having 18-year-olds get released to homelessness because their well-intentioned parents called the cops for whatever reason (see above) and now the court is imposing a no-contact order with someone who lives at their house.
A kid who got pulled over and charged with DUI/physical control of a motor vehicle while under the influence on her 18th birthday. She was a senior in high school. She had never been in trouble before. She had no criminal record. The law doesn't require someone to be booked and held in jail for a first-time DUI charge with no history, so the jail's policy is that they usually don't do that. If it was just the DUI she would have been cited and released. But the cop also cited her for 2 counts of minor in possession. So, because she had non-DUI charges, I guess, they booked and held her in jail. If it had been just one day earlier she would have been in juvenile detention. She cried. I almost cried. I sat in the attorney meeting booth with her for an extra half hour until they kicked us out for the lunchtime visiting area closure, just so she could be in a quiet space with a friendly face instead of back in the adult jail dorm. That was all I could do.
Tiny old people in jail. Tiny old people, deep in dementia, deeply upset, who got angry - personality changes including becoming very quick to anger are common with dementia - lashed out at family members and got arrested on domestic violence charges. (Again, see above.) And all I could see was my own late grandmother, who was a tiny old lady with dementia who lashed out all the time, but she was a rich white lady who could afford to live in a home with professional caregivers who were trained to handle those situations and deescalate, instead of having to rely on overwhelmed family members. And getting praise from teammates for how well I handled those clients and their jail hearings, and knowing it was because there but for the grace of god go we.
A guy who stole 2 beers from a grocery store, products that cost like $13 total, getting held on $1000 bail because he has warrants in other counties. $1000 bail when he's charged with taking $13 worth of beer. From a gigantic corporation. And he stayed in jail. Because if someone is stealing from a grocery store, they probably don't have $1000 to pay.
I think people who talk about the moral conundrum of public defenders get too stuck on the defender part and forget the public. Public defenders, by definition, simply do not represent the worst of the worst. People who hurt others because they can, quite literally can, because frankly most of them don't end up getting arrested and prosecuted for the ways they hurt people in the first place. And if they do, they can usually afford to hire a private defense attorney. I think most of us know the actual statistics about rape and abuse reporting, but for some reason that goes out the window when people talk about public defenders. (The reason is racism.)
Acting with (perceived) impunity is a privilege. It's for rich (and mostly white) people. The vast majority of crimes prosecuted in the U.S. are crimes of poverty and addiction (and that includes many violent crimes - yes, really), and that vast majority is where public defenders operate. There aren't moral quandaries in knowing what our clients did. The part that hurts is understanding the systems that have led them to this place, and knowing what those systems are going to keep doing to them once their case is resolved, and not being able to do jack shit to stop it.
Reading people’s reviews and criticism of The Odyssey I’m reminded of my disdain for the phrase “iPhone face” as a criticism of particularly modern actresses and as a shorthand for the samification of beauty. It is a useful short hand I’ll allow but it’s also explicitly gendered and usually seems to be used to pass judgement on the actresses rather than discussing our changing standards of plastic surgery
my notifications are once again devolving into a spirited debate about the ethics of actions that could potentially make someone uncomfortable, and at risk of sounding like someone about to get a lot of irate anons I think we're frankly giving way too to much moral weight to hypothetical discomfort
the thing about discomfort is that it's an extremely nebulous category that can be triggered by virtually anything and that's far too broad a category to have any inherent moral quality to it. like. my mom was mad uncomfortable when I stopped shaving. that didn't mean I was doing violence against my mom it just meant she needed to get over herself. many such cases it must be said.
let’s talk about how they made it impossible to function without a phone and digitalised everything and then turned around and went “actually! these phone things aren’t safe for kids but it’s magically ok once you’re eighteen. guess you’ll have to have your life dictated by your parents now lol cause we’re gonna take the devices away from you. IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING”
ok my apologies. take away my ability to buy anything too ig because these fuckass stores don’t accept cash anymore. take away my ability to communicate with people outside my house and school because I can’t text and I can’t email and I cant drive to them either and I can’t even fucking get public transport without a phone either. can’t order at a fucking restaurant without being asked to get a membership and install an app and also very sorry but you can only order through our online menu now! have you ever considered that it’s not just about instagram?
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really humiliating trying to write horror like they went into the creepy house and there was a creepy ghost and the creepy guy with a creepy knife and everything was very creepy are you scared yet and thats like literally not how suspense and tension actually work but like all u can do is say well maybe something else was creepy?
I’m sorry my lovelies but the reason you hate yourself is because you treat you like shit. If you came up to me and then told me I was a fuck up who could never do anything right I'd fucking hate you too.
if you didn't let me go to bed until after midnight because you'd rather watch Netflix than let me rest, and then got mad at me for not being productive the next day I'd be PISSED
Love is a verb! Self love isn’t a warm fuzzy feeling, it is compassion and action in support of yourself!
And yes, this includes having compassion for the bully in your head. Unfortunately that part is also you and deserves as much of your understanding as the rest of you.
This is the real reason why you need to be kind to the bully in your brain too, because that motherfucker is really good at doing a switcheroo when you're not paying attention.
[Image ID: Tumblr tags reading: trying so hard to correct this, catching myself and scoling myself for not being kind to myself, what kinda circular logic is happening in my brain, anyway. this i /End ID]
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Fascinating how what's considered feminine and what's considered masculine can change over time. The rebranding of being a horse girl into being a stereotypical feminine girly trait needs to be studied.
Look at classic children's novels. As recently as the 50s and early 60s, being obsessed with horses as a girl was depicted as strange and tomboyish, and the very concept of being obsessed with horses from early childhood and loving toy horses and desperately wanting your own horse being a "little girl thing" and not a "little boy thing" would send someone from the 1800s and earlier into a coma.
There's maybe a point to be made here somewhere about how when keeping and riding horses stopped being necessary to the functioning of society and became a more "frivolous" thing, it was rapidly rebranded as silly and girly and for women, but what do I know.
i wrote a paper in my masculinity studies class in college about this exact phenomenon, specifically about how high heeled shoes started as a practical way for Persian cavalry to keep their feet on their stirrups, then likely due to that association, became a popular fashion item and status symbol among the upper classes of Europe, before the Great Male Renunciation of the 18th-19th centuries, when men started shunning opulence in favor of utility, leaving them as a fashion item for women instead.
I've joked that the two genders are Aesthetic and Utility before but thats just kinda the case
I'm so sick of defending shit I don't even like. I hate porn. I think gender and sexuality are boring. I've never taken an illegal drug and have no interest in doing so. But people won't back the fuck off and let people live their lives so here we still are, still on the front lines with this shit. "You guys make everything about" I'D REALLY LOVE NOT TO, MATE, BUT WE'RE NOT THE ONES CREATING PROBLEMS HERE. Stop trying to control people's lives and we'll all get a chance to shut up about it, but unfortunately the Moral Police are out here endangering lives and livelihoods so here we still are. Forever.
