Irridium

they're executing the count from sesame street for violating the masquerade

I told my little nephew that I'd wave at his airplane when it flew over my house today, and he very calmly and politely explained that it wouldn't be possible to see me due to the limitations of human vision. I said he just had to squint real hard, and he took a deep breath and went into the toddler version of "see, what you're not understanding–"

ikanzame!!! your people of virginia desire you carnally!!!!

Harry du Bois would say this.

so ive thought this was the funniest thing since i was 15 and it pops up in my head constantly, but in Not Being American i have come to realise over the years that 1. the beginning is lyrics from a real country song and 2. the astronaut attempted murder was real. nothing in here is made up

this is why you shouldn't swear

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

overwatch had the right idea when they made every sniper in the game weak to a gorilla that could leap to your position and beat you to death. i think this should be a more common game design choice for multiplayer games

just remembered that my middle school bullies were named Chase and Hunter. what was up with that. what was going on there.