confused queer mess

-----------------------------

*The Trinity holding the lasso of truth to share their identities*

Wonder Woman: I am Diana of Themyscira, daughter of Zeus and Hippolyta

Superman: Kal-el of Krypton, also known as Clark Kent

Batman: Batman

Clark and Diana, realizing what Batman just said: *weird looks*

Batman: The other guys are asleep

-----------------------------

Brucie, not as aware at first about the whole vigilantism, waking up mildly concussed: Man, last night was wild, what a hangover.

-----------------------------

Bad Guy of the week: Now that you've inhaled my truth serum, I can finally ask you this! Are you or are you not Bruce Wayne?

Batman: I'm not. That's a completely separate person.

Bad Guy: But, BUT I SAW YOU–

Audience Member 1: You saw a drunk billionaire at a costume party

Bad Guy: Whatever! What's your secret identity?!

Batman: I don't have one. I'm Batman.

Bad Guy: BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE?!

Audience Member 2: Look at this wackjob, thinking that the cryptid motherfucker's secretly a normal person

Audience Member 3: Thanks a lot for wasting our time, asshole

-----------------------------

Terry: How'd you know those voices weren't yours?

Ohh BIIIIIIIIG STRETCH

Angel Dust pointing over at Valentino: Him.

*Pans over to Valentino counting three dollar bills*

Angel Dust: He's been counting for five minutes.

Vox: He doesn't know how to count money.

Valentino starts shaking forming tears in his eyes*

Husk: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Angel: I got distracted about halfway through.

Hotch: Who?

Spencer, still wailing: Emily and Dere-e-ek

Hotch: Guys.. give back Spencer's book now.

Derek: I don't know where it is.

Emily: Wtf no, we didn't take it

*Hotch looks at Spencer*

Spencer: They took my boooook.... waaahhh

Hotch: Okay, you're both grounded till you find it.

Emily and Derek: WE DIDN'T TAKE IT WTF

-----

Derek: (serving as Emily's lawyer) your honor...my client would like to add one more year to her sentence.

Y/n: Don’t worry dude, I got this.

Y/n: *Stomps feet on ground*

JJ:

JJ: *takes her phone out and starts tapping on it*

Reid: JJ

Reid, nervously: JJ, what are you doing.

JJ:

Reid, sweating: What the hell did you do JJ?

Emily: *pacing back and worth while murmuring insults*

Derek: *sobbing while punching thin air*

Spencer: *curled up in a corner*

Rossi: *drunk, asleep in a chair*

Hotch, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store worker: *Points to Spencer and Emily*

Store worker: I believe they belong to you?

Spencer and Emily, simultaneously: We got lost.

Penelope, in the bullpen: Derek get off the table your going to fall!

Derek, tripping and falling into his desk: ow

Emily: *laughing maniacally*

Rossi: Is he okay?

Hotch, unfazed: Yes. So anyways I know you have the qualifications and we would be happy to–

Spencer: The coffee machine isn’t working! Fix it or I’ll die.

Hotch: I’ll get it later! Anyways you would be an amazing addition to the team and we’d love to have you–

JJ, screaming: Spencer how is your coffee on fire?

Spencer, still drinking it: I don’t know *sip*

Hotch: Please, excuse me. *grabs fire extinguisher and put out his coffee* Can you guys not behave like children for five minutes? *fix’s the coffee machine* I’m in the middle of working and I have to come out to fix your problems. *Puts a bandaid on Dereks bleeding head and gives it a kiss* You would all be dead without me.

Hotch, back in his office: Sorry about that, like I was saying you would be a great addition to the team and we’d love to have you back.