Iriwindel

If you're offended, die about it— says Chengzhu

💘 VALENTINE'S DAY DISASTER: HUMANS GIVING HEARTS AWAY FOR FREE

Breaking news: the Human Realm has lost its mind.

They're just handing over hearts because someone said "I like you." No ritual. No stabbing. No dramatic betrayal speech. Ghost City merchants are furious. Heart prices have dropped 40%.

One vendor screamed: WE USED TO WORK FOR THESE.

Chengzhu has not commented, but several crates of premium-quality hearts were seen being quietly redirected to storage. Strategic patience. Business king.

Dianxia reportedly said, "Oh… that’s sweet."

Chengzhu was seen with a lovesick smile plastered on his face for the rest of the day

🏮 FRONT PAGE: CHENGZHU & DIANXIA DATE NIGHT TRACKED (WE RISKED UNDEATH FOR THIS)

6:02 PM – Dianxia exits Paradise Manor. Chengzhu already there. Of course he is. He probably sensed the door handle moving.

6:05 PM – Lantern Street clears out. It wasn't an official order rather survival instinct.

6:17 PM – Snack Stall Incident Dianxia: tries everything. Chengzhu: buys the entire stall because Dianxia smiled at the owner. Owner now legally belongs to Ghost City.

6:40 PM – Sugar Hawthorn Dianxia gets syrup on his fingers. Chengzhu stares like he just won another war. Three ghosts walked into a wall.

7:10 PM – Gambler's Den Chengzhu loses. Dianxia wins once. Chengzhu looks like he personally invented happiness.

Den profits skyrocket when Chengzhu's in a good mood. Plummet when he isn't. Economic stability depends on Dianxia's smile. This is not an exaggeration.

8:50 PM – Street Performer Performer accidentally jokes about devotion. Chengzhu laughs. Performer retires immediately. Wealthy now.

9:37 PM – Return to Paradise Manor Gates close. Windows glow. Ghost City minding its own business VERY HARD.

🌊 OPINION PIECE: CHENGZHU & SHIP-SINKING BLACK WATER – FRIENDS OR MENACE SQUARED?

Ship-Sinking Black Water (yes, that one) seen sharing tea with Chengzhu. No talking, just vibing. The ocean reportedly surged for no reason. Green Ghost tried to interrupt once. He is still yelling about it.

🟢 GREEN GHOST UPDATE

Green Ghost opened a new restaurant called "Eat or Be Eaten."

Menu:

Questionable stew

Extremely questionable stew

Why is it glowing stew

Health complaints filed by Heaven immediately.

Green Ghost response: "They're just jealous."

Restaurant closed after customers began screaming compliments involuntarily.

SPECIAL MENTION: YIN YU

He did not ask for this. He does not want this.

📌 YIN YU SPOTTED DOING ALL THE WORK AGAIN

At approximately 5:00 AM, Yin Yu was seen:

Reviewing ledgers.

Managing cursed item exports.

Fixing Green Ghost’s latest property damage invoice.

Replacing a door someone exploded "accidentally."

Sources confirm he has not blinked in 72 hours.

When asked how he feels about working under Chengzhu, Yin Yu replied:

"…It's stable."

Blink twice if you need help.

He did not blink.

☁ HEAVENLY COURT MELTDOWN

Emergency meeting triggered because someone said, "Chengzhu was seen smiling."

Three officials fainted. Two developed migraines. One suggested pretending Ghost City doesn't exist. Dianxia was not even involved. This is just baseline fear.

🛍 TOP TEN CURSED ITEM SHOPS (WE TESTED THEM SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO)

1. "Oops All Hexes"– Immediate regret

2. "Grandma’s Screaming Closet"– 10/10 ambience

3. "Totally Not Haunted" – It is

4. "Buy One Curse Get One"– Economical suffering

5. "Left Sock of Doom" – Why is it always left

6. "Teacups That Judge You" – Accurate

7. "Mirror That Knows"– Don’t

8. "Bone Jewelry But Make It Fashion" – Surprisingly chic (Sponsored by Wind Master, yes.)

9. "Coffins & Comfort" – Spacious, breathable (sponsored by Chengzhu for unknown reasons)

10. Paradise Manor Gift Shop – Merchandise (sold out)

💅 BEAUTY COLUMN: LADIES, STAY FRESH— By Wind Master Of Heavenly Realm and Ghost City Fashionistas

Fifteen Tips:

1. Night dew face wash.

2. Blood masks are back.

3. If cursed, moisturize twice.

4. Avoid holy water unless supervised.

5. Confidence. Even if youre translucent.

Dianxia reportedly recommends kindness. Ghost City unsure what that is but supportive.

🔮 FORTUNE CORNER – SHOULD YOU GO TO THE GAMBLER'S DEN?

If Chengzhu is there:

You will lose.

You will thank him.

You will come back tomorrow.

If Dianxia is there:

You might win.

Chengzhu will look at you.

You will reconsider your life choices.

EXTRA CHAOS SECTION

• A ghost tried proposing to Dianxia. Chengzhu funded his afterlife relocation.

• Green Ghost claims he'ss starting a podcast. Ship-Sinking Black Water has threatened to flood the studio.

• Heaven has banned the phrase "devotion goals." Chengzhu says "They are Jealous."

• Paradise Manor rumored to be expanding. Construction workers say the walls hum when Dianxia laughs.

CHECKOUT GHOST CITY NEWSPAPER EXCLUSIVE: "FOUR CALAMITIES SIT TOGETHER FOR AN INTERVIEW" AND "HUA CHENGZHU GOES LIVE"

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