still thinking about that movie. analysis/headcanon concept thing that i've been rotating in my head. <3
first, we see pink & chloe's conversation about red-
("it's so hard to be her sister sometimes."
"it's hard to be her friend."
"do you think red knows that?"
"i don't know, pink.")
and then, exactly 17 minutes later into the movie, we see chessie taunting red with voices replaying her failures and insecurities-
specifically. the voice emphasizing that she's "hard to love".
so. "do you think red knows that-" Yes. yes actually i think she is absolutely tormenting herself with the ever-present thought of it actually-
red, who's been raised believing that she's hard to love.
red, who opened an entire song in "rise of red" with lyrics about how she's desperately searching for a flicker of love for her in her mother's eyes, about how all she was is a girl reaching out for her mother's love and being denied over and over.
and now there are people who love her, but- she doesn't know what to do with that. she never learned how to handle that.
and she can see what she's doing- well. she can technically see that she's hurting chloe and pink by constantly brushing them aside, but. she's not really seeing it.
because she still hasn't fully processed that they love her, they care about her, the things she says and does matter to them-
she's not used to that. so- she's not paying much attention, because she doesn't think anyone else is paying much attention either.
and- she's getting along pretty well with everyone around her now. everyone's looking to her as they go through wonderland- but without the shadow of a looming blade that always used to hang over attention like that.
she's something she never was before. she's someone who didn't go through her own childhood-
and she wants to keep it that way.
so chloe gets brushed aside.
(chloe knows, she knows, she knows what red's like, what she's actually like, knows that this life wasn't actually hers. chloe's the one link to what everything was like before- and that idea is partially a comfort, but partially a threat.
because- chloe knows who she really is, and- that's slightly terrifying, if she thinks about it for too long.)
so pink gets brushed aside.
(pink doesn't know, she doesn't know- she's the clearest distinction between timelines, she's someone this version of red is supposed to know and love- and red doesn't know her. and the dread of letting something drop there, of letting something slip- pink is the one person she won't always be able to bluff her way through interacting with.
because- pink knows who she's supposed to be, and- that's slightly terrifying, if she thinks about it for too long.)
and it's hurting pink and chloe, but- red doesn't fully process that for a while. because she's not looking for that, she's not expecting that-
how much could they possibly care about the attention she's paying to them?
she just met pink-
(but she's known you and looked up to you her whole life, she loves you, you're hurting her-)
and she's only known chloe a few days-
(but she's lonely and you're the only somewhat steady thing in her life right now, she loves you, you're hurting her-)
well. she's hard to love, she knows that. always has been. always will be.
(so. might as well just let it happen-)
(âŚright?)
so. that's my concept about red's mindset during the movie. <3
forming many more thoughts on her as well. girl who is desperate to be loved but doesn't know how to handle it when she finally is. girl who was never actually hard to love but is still making things so much harder for the people who love her and doesn't know there's a difference yet.
red my beloved daughter...your numerous issues are so very fascinating to me and i adore you. <3