i never know what i'm doing

actually im not done buffy is transgender for real. she's a girl, but she's something else too that the other girls at school aren't, and she knows that that identity automatically makes her an outsider from all the other girls at school. she likes who she is, but sometimes watching Cordelia, she can't help but long for the ease of being "normal". her friends love and support her, but they aren't like her, and she knows that means there are some parts of her life that they'll just never understand. she wants to be homecoming queen so badly, if only to prove to herself that she can be this other thing and also a regular high school girl at the same time. how she tries to hide her identity from her mother for as long as she can. how when she finally tells joyce, they get in a huge argument because joyce is so afraid of what this means for buffy's safety that she tries to stop her from being herself. the fact that buffy, arguing with her mother about her own identity, says "You think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous?" The fact that a stranger tells her "But you're just a girl." and she says "That's what I keep saying."

i think this proshot also made me realize how similar hades and orpheus are. at the same time hades is telling persephone how much he's done for her (how much he hasn't listened to her and is just doing what he THINKS she'll like instead of paying attention to what she's saying and what she needs) at the exact same time orpheus is distracted by his song and not paying attention to what eurydice is saying and what she needs. what she's begging him for, what she's crying out to him for. he's so wrapped up in his own mission and his job that he forgot to listen out for the person he loves most. hades knew orpheus would turn around because that's exactly what hades himself would do

amber gray was the absolute STAR of the hadestown proshot. i mean, they all killed it as per usual, but i really have to give her her flowers (no pun intended) for the acting decisions she made and how well they translated to screen. award her everything right now.

Neither femme nor masc but a third more wicked thing....... Boring