Mi Amore Vole Fe!

He’s so shy he died

Ok but why are the suckers and losers trying to kill me today

two men will watch a movie together and instead of having sex afterwards they record a podcast about it

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

I think it sucks that you have to go to so many different kinds of doctor to take care of yourself. It's the 21st century. I should be able to go to a single office where they scan me with a big xerox machine and tell me what I'm allergic to and why my tummy hurts and if I have any cancer or cavities or if my glasses prescription has changed. And then I should get a sticker.

I took your skull off display because my guests kept saying it looked noticeably gayer than the other skulls