woo woo

May - 6 of Cups

Yay! Yippee! The card of innocence and childhood joy is here! Just when I need it! I have definitely been feeling quite dark and down. Especially in my volunteering. Which sucks, like you don’t do that kind of thing for accolades or even recognition. But it is hard to work for free sometimes. And then there is the regular paid work that has also been grinding me down pretty badly. I didn’t make time to do this draw and this reflection until halfway through the month and it is a really useful reminder of what energy I can look to to get me through the gloom and the sludge of some of my other experiences and feelings at the moment.

April

November - Strength 

Another repeat for my monthly vibe checks! When I pulled out this card I really felt a sense of peace in seeing it though. An old friend, a relief, a balm. One of the themes of the past two months worth of reflecting on The Hermit has been drawing on my inner strength, so I think this is more gentle encouragement from my funny deck (without repeating the same card for a third time in a row…). 

I attended a funeral this week for a friend’s parent. Their death was totally unexpected, there had been no known illnesses and they were not that old. Every speech at the funeral included some version of ‘we were not expecting to have to do this so soon, we are not ready to say goodbye’. It was extremely upsetting, even though I didn’t know this person. There was a real theme that they gave themselves to other people very freely, without asking for much help themselves. I feel kind of haunted by this and would really like to keep it front of mind. Don’t just reach out, but also ask for things of other people. Even while you’re not feeling like they will reciprocate. There are more people to ask than you think. You can keep asking. 

October - The Hermit

Week 1 - 07/10

Something I have always loved about tarot over the years is how playful the cards can be. The deck I have been using for awhile now is called the Radiant Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot and it’s basically a more brightly painted version of the OG RWS deck. And this particular deck loves to play a joke on me. It’s usually trying to make me stop being coy and pay attention to what is so obviously right in front of my face. So I guess I am trying to say… I laughed out loud when I shuffled my deck and RE-DREW The Hermit. Guess it’s not done with me yet, and this time I can going to try something a bit different. I am writing this in the first week of October. I would like to try and do a little weekly reflection and return to writing a bit each week of this month on this card and how it matches the vibe of the week. I’m going to write them in my paper journal (which I am trying to schedule time and use more) and then copy them over to here.

Hermit thought of the week - Often feel like I’m on the knife edge of secure independence and being lonely. Trying to build strength and resilience and security in my own company.

Hermit thought of the week 2 - 14/10 - Hanging out with a toddler is often almost a solitary activity, which can feel really bad. But I am trying to learn how to enjoy how meditative it can be also.

Hermit thought of the week 3 - 21/10 - It is really hard to be a social instigator. I have not got a lot of trust in other people at the moment. But I have to try and assume the best and keep some optimism. Keep trying and keep going.

September - The Hermit

Introspection ~ Searching ~ Guidance ~ Solitude

Asked - how can I keep up my energy? How will I get through the next month? What will help? While shuffling.

Two first impressions - oh no this seems like the opposite of the 8 of Wands energy that I was kind of enjoying, I don’t want to be like this lonely wanderer. After reading the Bunning entry though I am thinking more that this card is encouraging me to protect my still center while still seeking answers.

I think this card so showing me that I can focus on myself and be in the world. But I need to do so really mindfully. Maybe that is obvious. Maybe it’s all I needed to hear to have permission to do a yoga challenge this month. When you have a kid, people love to ask you if you are going to have another one. I feel very ambivalent about that prospect, even while also knowing having a sibling is a really special relationship and I feel bad for depriving my child of that experience. But so often I feel like I don’t have any more of myself left to give, even just to this one child. I also don’t really feel like I need to make a decision any time soon, because I think a longer age gap is fine. The Hermit made me think of this specifically because it has been such a hustle to get to yoga class and have that dedicated hour of both introspection and tapping into my inner guide let along any other kinds of self care and solitude that enable the deep feelings I think this card represents. And I felt guilty doing it!