i'm taking a nap

my specialty is liking the same movies that 50-year-old dads like but in a way that would instantly send those dads into cardiac arrest if they heard me talk about them

The criminal has been apprehended

Grond! Grond! Grond! Grond!

GROND! GROND! GROND! GROND!

GROND‼️ GROND‼️ GROND‼️ GROND‼️

Chicken was huffing and puffing at me because I wasn’t getting out of bed and she clearly wanted me to go to the couch with her but now she’s— oh hang on. I think she’s coming over. pspsps little girl… oh she’s so close. is she going to jump? mama your stairs are right there you don’t have to do a big jump — ope. okay she’s here :)

fujoing out so hard you make forever friends

who are you picking

do you still think i'm hot with this giant hole in my chest

could really go for 200mg right now. of anything.

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you understand it's disproportionate. they should invent a way to logic yourself out of emotions

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.