vampire enthusiast

two meads in and i'm asking my knight if i can feel how sharp his blade is 🤦‍♂️ i'm giggling and kicking my feet too. should i ask him to press it against my neck or is that too forward

this fucking girl on bumble sent me like three shy anime girl images and said like “uhmm… hi you seem really cool 😖😖 i’m so nervous” and it fr pissed me off so bad i deleted the app

all the people saying “you fumbled this girl! i want her” how does it feel to be a sucker

can’t talk right now. im partaking in the social ritual of correct micro facial expressions

right so apparently its also weird if you do the correct micro facial expressions but then dont talk

People love simple, extremely practical things. I hope you win!

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.