vampire enthusiast

Edward Cullen energy

what does that mean?

I can't believe he's dead. It feels like just yesterday Lindsay Graham and I were just young boys playing down by the creek. "CT buddy, one day I'm gonna start a war with Iran" he would tell me, "and then by god I'm gonna immediately lose and die." Well look where we are now old friend. Look where we are now.

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

cant believe i have to pick another person to outlive already

ahaha you sly dog! you bastard! [getting a little too comfortable] you wretched fucking animal

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

disabled american gothic is being asked “if you won the lottery, what would you do with it?” and instantly replying “go to the dentist”

and, look, I’m not complaining, not at all, but this is why it’s very important to be abundantly clear and specific with your Etsy witch.

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.