some transfem Matthias Helvar hc's cause I'm bored:
She started questioning her gender when she saw Nina in the traditional Fjerdan knitwear - realising that she'd always wanted to wear those women's clothes herself, but seeing Nina in them was the next best thing.
Was so fucking scared. Like Matthias is already the religious guilt (tm) person but like. It got sooooo much worse. Only thing that helped was talking to Inej, because I love their friendship.
When Nina was pretending to be pregnant, Matthias was pretending to be her midwife/sister. Cause we know how Kaz will matchmake the crows? He'll do this for Matthias too. Make her 'crossdress' and have realisations. Matthias resisted until Kaz told him that pregnant Nina's husband might be separated from her for the 'birthing' (nvm the plan does NOT go that far lol)
Anyways. The point is that Matthias stuffed her shirt for that costume, and it didn't quite stop the bullet but it wasn't fatal 😌
She played dead though until the druskelle left, and heard Nina scream for her. It sounded like the wolves howling out in the snow in her dreams, fierce and freezing, terrifying and beautiful.
Matthias goes with Nina to Fjerda afterwards, but she's not exactly trusted by the rest of the Ravkan crew/government. They have another run in with druskelle where Matthias is recognised, and she turns and runs to act as a distraction. Nina is about ready to kill her when she gets back.
Anyways after that she gets Tailored to disguise her because the Fjerdans clearly do want to kill her, and the Ravkans trust her a lil more now. The Tailoring winds up looking very feminine, and Matthias can't stop looking at herself in the mirror. It looks so right and feels so wrong but so perfect and she doesn't know what to do about it.
Nina tells her she's beautiful, half teasingly. She almost cries, partly because of how it feels to be called beautiful, partly because would Nina still call her that if she knew Matthias liked it? Here goes internalised transphobia!!
Anyways I can't really remember how the Nikolai duology went so skipping to the end; it's only after she meets Hanne that Matthias really comes to accept herself.
She has a brief crisis because if she's a girl then how can she love Nina, who is also a girl???? Eventually remembers that uh. Yeah she can do that. She's omni btw :]
I accept the HC that Hanne chooses the name Demyan, and Matthias realises she can do that too. Idk Fjerdan but the name she chooses means "tulip".
In case it wasn't obvious, I support a Nina/Demyan/Matthias polycule. Aromanticism is also an option but y'all aint ready for that convo.
It still takes Matthias a while to realise that gender isn't two strict categories. This is helped by one genderfluid Jesper Fahey. <3 (later on agender Kaz but we'll get to that).
Anyways. I just kind of love the idea of Nina with her two trans, Fjerdan, raised by Jarl Brum, socially awkward and deeply protective partners.
Oh also. Matthias reunites with Trassel. Obviously.
Modern AU transfem Matthias uses she/it btw. And Demyan uses he/they. Nina starts feeling left out and asks the others to use they for a bit, discovers she really likes it. Demigirl Nina Zenik <3