🖋️ Ink

Dennis frowned.  Right.  He had agreed to house sit.  Did he still want to do a favor for Robby?  After what he had learned from Frank?  He didn’t know, honestly.  But he really wanted to confront him before he left.  So he sent a response and padded out to the kitchen of Frank’s apartment to make breakfast.

When are you leaving?

After whenever you come by I guess.  Came Robby’s reply.

Dennis set his phone aside and started making coffee and eggs and bacon.  He wouldn’t leave before making sure Frank is okay.

The smell of breakfast drew a sleep rumpled Frank out of his room, rubbing his eyes.  He paused, seeing Dennis in his kitchen drowning in borrowed pajamas made blood rush to his cheeks.  He cleared his throat awkwardly.

Dennis looked up and smiled kindly.  “Good morning.  How are you feeling?”

Frank couldn’t meet his eyes.  It was cute.  “Uh…Yeah, I feel alright.  Thank you for getting me home last night.  I…I can explain-”

“Don’t worry about it.  I get it.  Yesterday was a big deal for you already, and then Robby treating you like that…” He tried to keep the anger out of his voice.  “It’s no wonder you slipped.”

“Oh.  You know about regression and stuff?”

Dennis nodded as he handed Frank a mug of coffee and a plate of food.  “I know enough, yeah.”

Frank took the food.  “I’m glad you were the one who found me then.”  He mumbled.  “Anyone else and I’d be on a psych hold.”

Dennis hummed softly and checked the time on his phone.  “Robby didn’t leave last night.  I’m going over there to talk to him.  I’m going to leave you my number, okay?  Please use it if you need me.  I mean it.”

If Frank blushed any harder, Dennis thought he might pop.  “Uh…sure.  Yeah.  Will do.  Thanks.” He awkwardly sputtered.

Den nodded and fought the incredible urge to kiss Frank on the head and ruffle that sleep mussed hair before walking out the door.

The drive to Robby’s house was quiet and uncomfortable.  What was he going to say?  Would he really still end up house sitting?  What about Amy and Theo and the farm?  What about Trin?  Oh fuck.  If Trinity found out about last night he would be so fucked.  She would almost certainly use any knowledge she received against Frank, even though the man was clearly struggling enough.  Dennis cursed himself and his inability to say ‘no’.  Always so quick to offer himself up wherever he could feel useful enough to forget how worthless he had been made to feel in the past.

His spiral lasted him until he was parked in Robby’s driveway.  The house was pretty much what he had expected.  Nothing hugely exorbitant or anything, but clearly the home of a doctor with no real domestic expenses other than necessities.  

The motorcycle sat in front of the garage.  Dennis hated that thing.  He took a deep breath and got out of the car.  Robby couldn’t feasibly fire him for anything if this conversation went south, right?

Dennis knocked on the front door and waited.  Robby answered.  He didn’t look like a man ready to go on an ego death motorcycle trip.  His hair was messy and he was in pajamas and had his little old man glasses perched on his nose.  “Whitaker.  Come in.”  He said as he opened the door wider.

The energy was stiff and uncomfortable as they entered the kitchen.  “Coffee?”  Robby offered.

“Had some before I left Frank’s this morning.” A dig.  A purposeful one.  Calling him Frank.  Letting the implication sit plainly in the words.

Robby’s face twisted up in conflict at the name.  “Right…and he’s…is he alright?”

Dennis thought about the tears.  Thought about the sobbed out “Papa hates me.” That had broken his heart the night before.  He felt his face go stern.  “What do you think, Robby?” He asked coldly.

Robby cringed but didn’t reply.

“He was scared and small and heartbroken.  Who knows what would’ve happened if someone else found him like that?  Sobbing on the floor of the lounge.”

“Sobbing on the floor of the…?” Robby trailed off softly.

“Yeah, Robby! Sobbing in the dark, tucked into the corner.  He told me how his wife left him and his Papa hates him and threw out all of the things that brought him any sense of safety.”

Robby’s face shifted even more, concern and guilt and resentment.  “Abby left him?  Wait, wait no, I don’t hate him I just-“

”Just what?!  Just threw away all his gear and said you wanted nothing to do with him?  Just stripped him of his last hope at familiar comfort?  Spat in the face of a man who needed you?  Just because he disappointed you?”

”He doesn’t need me!”  Robby snapped, abandoning his glasses on the counter to scrub his hands over his face.  “He didn’t disappoint me.”

Dennis scowled.  “What then?  He failed?  Needs to be punished?  I swear to god Robby if this is some tough love bullshit I-“

“I failed him!”  Robby shouted, effectively shutting Dennis up.  “I failed him, Dennis!  How do you not understand that?  I took responsibility for a really fucking fragile part of him, and I didn’t even realize he was using!  I wasn’t enough!  He didn’t trust me enough to come to me about the pain!”  His face was red and his voice was cracking.  “He- I- My b-“ He stuttered before taking a deep, shaky breath and continuing in an unsteady whisper.  “My boy was hurting so fucking bad.  And I let him suffer alone.  What kind of Papa does that make me?  So…So maybe I just felt too fucking bad looking at his blanket and his pacifiers and his stuffies and I threw them out.  Maybe some part of me hoped that after he got help and therapy and shit he wouldn’t need to regress anymore, so that I couldn’t fail him like that again.”

Dennis…didn’t know what to say to that.  It made sense for Robby to see Frank’s struggle as a personal failure.  He had taken responsibility for Frankie’s wellbeing.  This made it kind of difficult to hate him for it.  But… “But he did still need your support.  And all the softness of his gear.  He felt all alone, Robby.  Little and scared and alone with no family, no caregiver, and treated like a pariah.”

Robby sighed heavily and dropped into a bar stool.  “I know.  I fucked up because I took it personally.  Believe it or not, you’re not the first to call me out.  I…have been uh… noticing some things about myself.”  He muttered.

God damnit.  Dennis let out his own sigh and sat down on the stool next to Robby.  He didn’t say anything.  Just waited.

“I’m not going on that roadtrip.  I had enough people lecture me about my ‘concerning behavior’ yesterday that I came back here and just…thought.  For a long time.  I…I wasn’t going to come back.  Not…alive at least.  I don’t know.  I’m just tired.  But…I know people need me.  I’m still taking my sabbatical.  Just…going to stay closer.  Try therapy maybe.  I…I want to be what people need me to be without it killing me.”

Dennis didn’t want to think about how close to home that last sentence hit, so he cleared his throat and spoke in a kinder tone.  “If you’re not going, why am I here?”

Robby groaned.  “I don’t know.  I just wanted to know if he was okay I think.”

“He’s okay.”  Dennis confirmed softly.  “He slept well and ate breakfast.  He was big when I left, and I gave him my number to call if he needs.  I’ve got him.”

Robby looked relieved, but there was a sadness to it.  “You’re probably better for him anyway.  Thank you.”

Dennis frowned and hummed softly.  “I don’t know.  He loves you.  And he was really upset about how you treated him.  So take your time.  Do what you need to do.  But don’t let him think you hate him forever.  For everyone’s sake.”

Robby nodded.  “Of course.  Yeah.  I…yeah.”  He cleared his throat.  “I feel really shitty about the things I trashed.  If I order some new things…would you give them to him?  You take the credit.  I don’t want him to have stuff that would remind him…”. Robby trailed off.

Dennis stayed long enough to help choose a few things.  A pacifier with a little tractor, a stuffed dog, and a weighted plush highland cow, because Dennis wasn’t immune to those things’ cuteness.

On his way back to his and Trin’s apartment, he picked up some soft fabric with little bears and deer and foxes to sew into a nice blanket for when Frankie called.  Dennis knew he would, and he was going to be ready.

Frank wasn’t stupid.  He knew not everyone was going to accept his apologies and forgive him.  He knew all he could do was say what he needed to say and acknowledge that that just wouldn’t be enough for everyone.  But fucking christ did hearing Robby say he didn’t want him in the ER anymore feel like a shot to the chest.  Frank is a goddamn professional though.  So he powered through.

Toward the end of the shift though, he knew he was running out of time.  Robby was leaving on his sabbatical tonight.  Frank might not get his forgiveness, despite that tearing him apart in a way that will destroy him when he lets himself accept it, but he needs to get his gear back.  

It had started a few years ago.  Something he had always done to some degree.  Keeping a small teddy bear in his bed even through med school, slipping a thumb into his mouth when things got too heavy, cartoons as background noise for just about everything.  Abby hadn’t minded per say, but she politely asked him to keep it away from the kids, not wanting to confuse them.  She had approved, and occasionally encouraged Robby being his caregiver when things got bad.  She would much rather have him spend the night with someone trusted who was more comfortable and competent with that than have her husband come home acting like a toddler.

Frank had checked himself into rehab the day after Robby confronted him.  No time to grab the things he had collected over the years, sitting at Robby’s.  His blanky, a few pacifiers, and several stuffed animals that Robby had purchased him.  He wanted them back.  Now that he was in his own apartment, he could at least have that stuff in the comfort of his own lonely bed.

“Robby-” Frank started as he followed his ex-caregiver through the hall.

“Very busy, Langdon.  Does this have to do with work?”  Robby asked, not even glancing at Frank.  Ouch.

“No, but-”

“Then I don’t want to hear it.  I think we said everything we needed to say to each other.”

“I- I mean, sure, but I just-”

“Dr. Langdon.  People are dying in this hospital.  Go save them and let me do the same.”  Robby ordered as they passed the nurses station.

“Yeah, I just- you’re leaving tonight.  I wanted to know if I could come get my…stuff from your house before you go.”

Robby didn’t even pause.  Didn’t look at him.  “I threw that shit out, Frank.”  He said before rushing to an incoming trauma.

Frank’s world stopped.  Everything swam and his breath caught up in his chest.  He…threw it all away?  His soft blue blanky with all the pretty stars?  All his pacis?  His puppy and his lamby and his special weighted dinosaur?  They’re all gone?  Papa had really thrown it all in the garbage like it didn’t matter at all?

Suddenly, Frank was in the corner of the staff room.  He didn’t remember walking in here.  He was alone, which he was grateful for because he was definitely crying.  His shift was over a while ago.  He wanted to go home.  But he was slipping hard, and he really shouldn’t drive.  He could call Abby.  She would come get him with a concerned face and vague discomfort.  His vision was too blurry and his hands were too shaky to unlock his phone.  He sat down in the corner and buried his head against his knees.

The hospital was scary when he was in littlespace.  It’s loud and bright and too big. Everything was so big.  And his scrubs felt scratchy.  He didn’t hear the door open.

Dennis just wanted a drink of water.  He was about to wrap up his charting and get out of here.  He certainly hadn’t been expecting…this.  Dr. Langdon with his face against his knees, curled up in the corner like a puppy cowering in its crate.

“Uh…Dr. Langdon?”  Dennis said softly, inching closer.  He really should mind his own business.  He had barely managed to man up enough to tell Amy he needed a few days to himself.  He should just go home and sleep.  But he can’t just leave someone crying in a corner.  It’s not something he’s capable of.

Frank whimpered softly and shrunk even farther into the corner, shaking his head sharply.  No.  No, he didn't want to be a doctor right now.  He was just a baby.  Just wanted to be little and safe and hidden.

Dennis frowned and crouched down a few feet away.  “No?  What do you mean?”  He asked gently.  A voice reserved for frightened patients and Theo.

“Not Dr. Langdon.  Don’t wanna be Dr. Langdon.” Frank said in a voice too small for a man like him.

Dennis didn’t really know how to react to that.  This was his senior Resident.  His superior.  Cowering and whimpering and saying he doesn’t want to be a doctor?  “You…don’t?  Okay.  Sure…uh…who do you want to be then?”

A tiny sniffle.  Wet, blue eyes peeking over his knees.  “Jus’ Frankie.  Jus’ wanna be Frankie.”

Oh.  Dennis knew what this was.  He was definitely surprised.  Langdon was a proud, secure man with a wife and kids and a successful career.  And now he was…small.  Regressed in the lounge after his first shift back.  Dennis sat down fully and dipped his head to make eye contact with the timid, heartbroken man.  “Okay, Frankie.  That’s okay.”  He said in that soft voice.  “Can I call someone for you?  Your wife?  Or do you have a different caregiver?”

Those blue eyes filled right back up with tears.  A tiny shake of the head.  “Wife left me.  ‘N Papa…” His voice got all tight.  “Papa th-threw away all my stuff.”  He whispered as the tears started to fall anew.  “Papa hates me.”  He sobbed against his knees.

“Aw shit- no, hey.  Hey, buddy, I’m sure your Papa doesn’t hate you.”  Dennis murmurs gently, setting a hand on Frank’s shoulder.

“No he does! He doesn’t want me here anymore and he threw away m-my blanky and my pacis and all my stuffies!” Frank sobbed.

Dennis’s heart broke.  Frank’s caregiver…doesn’t want him here anymore?  Wait.  Fuck.  “Frankie, bud, is…was Robby your Papa?”

All Frank could do was cry and nod.

Dennis sighed heavily.  “Oh, baby.  I’m so sorry.  Come here.  Just come here for a second.”  He gave a gentle tug to Frank’s shoulder and Frank crumbled like a sandcastle when the tide came in.

Dennis held Frank against him and rocked gently.  Comforting people had always come easy to him.  This should’ve felt weirder.  But honestly, it felt kind of nice.  Like rocking Theo to sleep.  “Shhh, it’s okay.  Gonna be alright, little man.”  He mutters, the same words he had used to soothe Theo so many times.

The words seeped into Frank’s soul.  Robby had never called him that.  And Dennis’s arms were thicker than Robby’s.  They cradled him securely and made him feel so safe.

Once Frank was slightly calmer, Dennis pulled away just enough to look at him.  “Did Robby really say he threw away your stuff?”

Frank nodded sadly.

“Oh, you poor thing.  Okay.  Well I will have to talk to him about that, won’t I?”  Dennis said, his gentle voice not giving away the rage simmering in his chest.  How dare Robby do that?  How dare he just trash things that clearly meant so much to his little?  Dennis understood that Robby had been disappointed and felt betrayed, sure.  But to throw away comfort items during such a difficult time?  That was just fucked.

Frank blinked up at him, eyelashes damp and eyes shining.  “You…you would talk to him?  Wh-what if he yells?”

Dennis let out a tiny chuckle and ran his fingers through Frank’s hair.  “I can take it.  I’ve definitely heard worse than whatever he has to say.  And he needs to know that wasn’t okay of him to do.  Even if he didn’t want to be your Papa anymore.  You deserve better.”

Frank whimpered softly and pushed his face against Dennis’s scrubs.  “You’re s-so nice.”  He whispered.

Dennis chuckled again, his heart swelling with a dangerous affection.  “Alright.  We’re done being on the floor.  It’ll hurt your back.  Let me take you home.”

Frank sniffled and nodded, clumsily forcing himself to his feet.

Once Dennis was standing, he noticed Frank fidgeting.  He offered a small smile as reached out his hand.  Frank’s eyes lit up and he eagerly grabbed the offered hand.

Neither paid much attention to the curious glances as they headed out to the parking lot.  Dennis shot Robby an icy glare as they passed.

Seeing Dennis glaring at him, holding the hand of the subdued, tearstreaked Frank, made Robby pale.  He made to walk toward them, but Dennis squeezed Frank’s hand and pulled him faster out the door.

Dennis helped Frank into the passenger seat of his car and did his seatbelt up for him.  It made Frank feel cared for in a way he hadn’t in nearly a year.

Dennis pushed the hair out of Frank’s face and looked him in the eye.  “Do you know how to get home from here, buddy?  Can you give me directions?”

Frank’s bottom lip trembled in shame.  A tiny shake of his head.  “Don’t think so.  I- I’m sowwy…”

Dennis’s eyes softened.  “Hey, hey no, that’s alright.  That’s just fine.  Do you know your address?  So I can type it into my phone?”

Frank looked relieved that Dennis wasn’t upset.  “Yeah…I know it.”  He said softly.  He gave the address and confirmed it on Dennis’s map app.

They had barely been driving five minutes before Frank was asleep.  It gave Dennis a quiet moment to process the last hour.  Jesus Christ.  Okay.  The one thought that remained in his head was “Oh this poor baby”.  His heart hurt so bad for Frankie.  Who knows the last time he regressed properly?  And now he doesn’t even get any of his stuff.  Because Robby, who was supposed to be responsible for keeping Frank safe and supported, had tossed everything.  It made Dennis’s blood boil.

With Frank asleep, Dennis made the decision to make a quick stop.  The grocery store won’t have a proper blanky, or any pacifiers that will fit Frank’s mouth.  Those would have to be ordered later, or maybe handmade.  Dennis could sew a blanket big enough that still had a fun pattern, he was certain.  But that’s a thought for later.  Right now he just needed to find something soft to show Frank that he wasn’t completely alone.

In the display at the front, with all the fireworks that have been completely picked over, sat a rack of little teddy bears.  Soft red fur with blue patches on the paws, feet, and ears with little white stars.  A little bowtie around the neck.  It was cheap, and silly, but it was something.  He bought it without question and rushed back to the car where Frank was still asleep.

When he pulled up at the apartment complex, he gently shook Frank awake.

“...Huh?”  Frank blinked awake.

“Hey, we’re here.  I bought you something.”  Dennis says softly, handing over the teddy bear.

Frank stared at it with wide eyes and took it with shaking hands.  He gently petted the soft red fur.

“I know it doesn’t replace all the nicer stuff Robby probably got you but-”

“Thank you, Daddy.”  Frank mumbled tearily, eyes trained on the bear.

Oh.  Oh fuck.  Yeah.  Dennis will be sewing that blanket.  “Of course, little man.  Let’s get you inside and out of those scrubs, okay?”

Frank managed to get changed by himself.  He shuffled into the living room, now clad in loose pajamas, still clutching the bear like he wouldn’t dare put it down.

Dennis looked at him and smiled.  “Feel better?”

“Uh-huh…”  Frank looked down at Dennis’s feet, still wearing his shoes.  His bottom lip trembled.

Dennis frowned.  “Hey…hey what’s wrong?  What’s the matter?”

“P-please don’t leave.  I don’t wanna be alone.”  Eyes still trained on the shoes.

Dennis’s eyes widened in realization and he kicked his shoes off like they were burning his feet.  “I’m not.  I swear I’m not going anywhere.  I would never leave a sweet thing like you on your own.”

Frank let out a shaky sigh of relief.  “Thank you.  D-do you want to borrow some jammies?”

“Yeah, yeah.  Cuddling in scrubs doesn’t sound very comfy at all, huh?”

Frank’s eyes sparkled.  “You gonna cuddle me?”  He asked quietly.

Dennis smiled.  “Of course I am.  Long day like ours?  Cuddles are mandatory.”

Frank let out a giddy little giggle and rushed away to get pajamas for Dennis, returning with a well loved band t and checkered pajama pants.

The clothes were too big on Dennis, but he didn't mind.  The drawstring could keep the waistband on his hips, and that’s all that really mattered.

Frank blushed when he saw Dennis in the clothes.  He grabbed his hand and dragged him into his bed, immediately curling against his chest and gripping the borrowed t-shirt like he might float away.

Dennis chuckled and wrapped his arms around the regressed man.  “I’ve gotcha.  I’m right here, sweet boy.”

Frank nuzzled against Dennis’s chest with a content little sigh.  “Thank you, Daddy Denny.” He mumbled against his chest.

Dennis…really fucking liked the sound of that.  Like a lot.  He wanted to hear that sweet little voice calling him that every day.  How the fuck could Robby have let this go?

“You’re so welcome, sweetheart.”

They slept peacefully with the little red bear tucked between them.