“I’ve fucked everything up,” I’d told ART. This was when I was in Medical after my “incident.” Mensah and I had called Amena so she wouldn’t worry (or at least so she would know that I was still alive, even I know that’s important for human children). I told Mensah I wanted to watch media and she had left, and I’d blocked the humans’ comm and feed access to the room.

ART had said, That’s nothing new.

I ignored that because it was just trying to reassure me. If it started being sympathetic it would be terrifying. “Your crew isn’t going to want me to do their security anymore.”

Why is that?

That question was obviously a trap and I should ignore it. It wasn’t as if I could put the answer into words. I was different. It wasn’t just the alien contamination.

What came out was, “Something in me broke.”

System Collapse, Martha Wells

Let them be taken outside. Let them be taken home. Let them be taken to their favorite places. Let them use their substances of choice. Let them see their pets. Let them do really inadvisable bucket list items. Let them risk precipitating their deaths. Let them go out on their own terms, and also let them hang out on their own terms in the meantime.

Also, deschedule ALL drugs for people on hospice. "You can't do that, you might die" "I have some news for you about the existing situation." I mean come on.

thats it! all 8 pages! i had a lot of fun drawing this, thank you for everybodys kind words on the preview post.

It’s time for Caturday! Here’s a feline that enjoys being around water: the fishing cat (Prionailurus viverrinus). Found in parts of Southeast Asia, this critter prefers to inhabit areas near bodies of water, like mangroves, marshes, and swamps. As its name implies, this wild cat specializes in hunting fish, scooping prey out of the water with its paws or even dunking its head below the water’s surface to catch one with its mouth! It has a layer of short, densely packed hair close to its skin that helps keep it dry and warm by preventing water from seeping through.

Sand Lizard (Lacerta agilis), family Lacertidae, Poland

Does there have to be one?

Like. I do think there is something inside me that goes “hhhgghhhhhhhh no” when I think about trying to Do Romance. Is that Lack Of Romantic Attraction? Well, I assume yes, because I do not feel a draw to do romance. So I guess definitionally there is nothing inside me that makes romance feel like an attractive prospect. So saying “there is something fairly fundamental to my personality that makes me not want to pursue a romantic relationship, and makes me uncomfortable when I consider trying, that makes me much happier when pursuing non-romantic relationships” is I would say an accurate descriptor of the part of myself that I identify as “aromantic.”

The fact that I identify it as “aromantic” is the stance I’m talking about. I’m identifying this as an important aspect of my personality and way I move through the world. Could I call myself avoidant instead? I mean, sure I could. Would that benefit me or anybody? I don’t think it would. However it is accurate that I avoid romantic relationships. So does that make me avoidant? Maybe. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think it is. “Avoiding romantic relationships because you don’t want them” is a neutral thing worthy of acceptance whether you identify that proclivity in yourself as “aromanticism” or not.

This is why I don’t like models of a-spec identities that reduce the whole thing to being about Attraction Only. Stressing over whether I was really aromantic or just Afraid Of Commitment, whether I was really asexual or Just Repressed, was making me stressed and unhappy. Reframing it around what I wanted—“What kind of relationships do I want? What life-path will make me happy?”—it felt like a weight lifted off my chest. It didn’t have to be about sussing out my True Attractions. It could be about determining what I wanted in my life and living it.