because I wanna listen to your sound

i love people who are incredibly book smart but otherwise stupid as shit. i have a friend who got a 4.0 in college but had to ask me if there were calories in soap

ok i apparently wasn’t clear enough with how stupid this question was. they didn’t mean if you ate it. they asked if you rubbed soap on your body, like in the shower, if there was nutritional value to that. we’re talking peak dumbass here not natural curiosity

take your carriage very slowly by your rival’s home, that she might see your latest hat

Eat your heart Catherine, you toad-eating hag.

Elizabeth, you must surely be aware that I am unable to view the roads from my apartments due to the vastness of my estate…

Oh, please do forgive my mistake, Catherine, I had only assumed you could see from that ostentatiously high pedestal atop of which you have placed yourself

I can testify that this is very true

at least nobody here is horny for count olaf

this is the worst post on this website

When my parrot wants pets off someone he’ll go up to them, say hello, and lower his head to expose his neck. Recently, however, he’s been doing this to a pitch black crevice behind the couch, even trying to cajole the darkness with kissy noises and getting sad when the void won’t pet him. How do I explain that dark chasms are not friends?

There’s a ghost in there

a damn rude one, too. PET THE BIRD.