I think itâs important to note that youâre not going to connect on a super deep level with every friend you have. There are many kinds of friendship and some of them involve just going for coffee, or just talking about a single, certain subject, or just chatting about books, or meeting up when the other is in town and doing the âhow have you been?â routine for an hour and then saying goodbye.
Not every friendship is going to be this we-connect-on-every-level-no-one-has-ever-understood-me-this-way sort of soulmate. And thatâs ok.
I think itâs important to note that thereâs a difference because I never had the latter, what Iâll just call a kindred spirit, until I got to high school. And after that, I wanted all of my friendships to be like that, and when they werenât I got frustrated, and probably ended up hurting a lot of people in the process when I burnt out or realized that isnât what I really wanted.Â
Kindred or casual, neither is better than the other. Both are good. Itâs ok to have kindred spirits and itâs ok to have casual friendsâhuman beings need both. You canât get to know everyone intimately, itâs impossible and exhausting.
And I just feel like thereâs this perception that you have to have a best friend, like you have to choose, and you have to hold onto them for years and years and years, and all of your friends have to be kindred spirits or theyâre âacquaintancesâ and Iâve seen so many people categorize their friends as like ⊠if someone doesnât know you intimately  and wonât do certain things for you that are associated with kindred spirits theyâre not âreal/true friendsâ and I keep seeing this demarcation between âfriendsâ and âbest friendsâ and I think thatâs kind of an unhealthy attitude and I donât really think thatâs true.
Sometimes you need someone you can spill your soul to, who peers into all your dark corners, who youdonât lie to and who you feel gets you in a way no one else has. And thatâs good and thatâs healing.
Sometimes you just need someone who will geek out with you about a new rock or a new album or who is down for meeting you at a diner at 3 am or whatever and thatâs it and there arenât any expectations for soul-bearing (which is exhausting let me tell u what) and youâre both fine with that. And thatâs good and thatâs healing.
Listen, life is full of some really amazing things, and youâre going to meet some really amazing people. Sometimes theyâll hold your hand for the whole journey, or a long portion of it, and sometimes, theyâll just grab you and spin you around before letting go. And both are good.
It doesnât matter how long they held it, what matters is that they took your hand. What matters is that they left you laughing.Â
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