It's all just guesswork and conjecture

Erm…looks like we’re trending again.

Why?

can you please tell me to continue writing whatever the hell i am writing, because currently it seems like i'm writing nonsense

thank you

I dug up an old WIP yesterday and read through the entire thing, it was some 180 pages of an original story and I actually really fucking liked it??

[Of course, it was still transcendentally weird. On one hand there was a painfully beautifully scene where the trans boy comes out his crush and is worried he'll be rejected. On the other hand I discovered lines that i just. Who let me write them. Said crush, Rian, walked up to Avi who was getting flirted with by a bunch of people while preparing soil. And he just fucking says "I thought we were supposed to be using shovels for gardening, I see Avi's using hoes instead." Ngk????!!!!! 😭]

BUT WHO'S GOING TO WRITE THE REST OF IT? ME???? THIS IS HOMOPHOBIA.

I think that's because the Venn Diagram of Weird Tumblr and Not Weird Tumblr is a perfect circle we call a hellsite, and the marketing dweebs are so confounded by what we do here, they focus on other, more predictable, social networks.

I've read about the demise of Weird Twitter around 2016 (gasp), how once Twitter stopped being a safe place to be weird, it rapidly became what it is, now. Interesting people tend to be weird. Creative people tend to be weird. We who love those people tend to be weird, and we like to be around people who reflect our vibe back to us. Why would any of us stick around in a Nazi club full of Incels when we can hang out here and remember the first time we saw Goncharov, or how the Feast of Neil Gaiman is celebrated in our homes.

Oh, and fuckin' WONDER WOMAN brings her loving, supportive, I am your mom and I love you unconditionally energy to every single post. She's the only Tumblr I follow with alerts turned on, because I always feel uplifted after I read something from her.

And Tumblr is maybe the only place on the entire Internet where I can be the best Becky I can be.

That doesn't even touch on all the art and fanfic and vintage photos and the endless stream of Debbie Harry that comes across my dash.

Ten kept all his feelings bottled so deep inside, that when they finally started to bleed out, he made the worst mistakes possible. It ended up killing him. And the breaking point was losing Donna. He carried so much guilt over the way he lost her and the way he let her, his best friend in the whole wide universe, down, that it echoed over to the next regenerations, in Eleven’s guilt and Twelve’s face. That scene in the TARDIS in “Let’s Kill Hitler” where Eleven is poisoned, and the TARDIS is showing him images of former companions when Eleven asks “Give me guilt”. The TARDIS shows him Martha first, and there is so much to be guilty about when it comes to Martha, and then Eleven asks for “also guilt”, and the TARDIS shows him Donna, and when Eleven asks for “more guilt”, the image doesn’t change. It is still Donna, TARDIS is showing Eleven the best friend who got let down so hard by the Doctor. And the Doctor still carries that guilt and regret and heartbreak with him, because he loved his best friend and her attachment to him almost got her killed and hurt her in the worst way possible. “Stand too close, and people get burnt”, just like Martha said.

Fourteen though. He is a completely different person. He doesn’t just love Donna, he ADORES her, he is here FOR HER, this face is here BECAUSE OF HER. He tells a complete stranger he just met that he loves his best friend Donna, and repeats it twice.

When Donna honestly asks who would care about her 'cause she thinks she is just no one, Fourteen angrily  cries “I DO!”  because that’s his brilliant and amazing best friend who after all these years still thinks so little of herself and he hadn’t been there to remind her of that, and it is all his fault that she doesn’t remember how fantastic and special and extraordinary she has always been and how many times her brilliance saved worlds and lives, including the Doctor’s.

Fourteen is crying and screaming and breaking down, when he thinks Donna is about to die in front of him, all because he is so afraid of losing her again. Fourteen cradles Donna’s body and cries when he thinks he had lost her and tells the Meep’s soldiers to kill him, because he doesn’t care anymore, because someone he loves so dearly is dead in his arms, and it is all his fault.

When Donna gets her memories back, Fourteen almost immediately confesses how losing her KILLED HIM and how he remembers every second with her. He tearfully confesses that he has missed her for all those years they were apart, it’s been millions of years they spent apart for the Doctor. All those years the Doctor needed Donna who would make him laugh again, Donna who would keep him grounded, Donna who would call him spaceman and silently hug him when he needed it the most, Donna who would understand and be there and be his touchstone and anchor and guiding light.

Fourteen knows that she can’t stay with him forever like she used to want to, but he still gives her both of his hearts and tells her how much he cherishes their time together. He offers her coffee just the way she likes it, he remembers such small details about her after literally thousands, millions of years! And he shows it to her. Fourteen is so full of love and he is not afraid to show it, he is rushing to love, to express it before Donna is gone from his life again. And he is trying to make up for all those years as Ten when he couldn’t say these things to Donna, and she never knew just how much she meant to him. Donna never knew that she was his soulmate, that her presence made such an impact and her absence led to Ten’s death and that he died saving her grandad.

Fourteen kisses Donna’s hands and hair and hugs her like she is the most precious thing he knows. His hugs are also different from Ten’s. Fourteen wraps himself around Donna and holds her tight, this is how he shows his affection. He wants Donna to hear, know AND feel how much he cares. Because he already knows what it’s like to lose her and he wants her to know in case he has to let her go forever again.

When there is a threat of the world ending and his wonderful selfless Donna once again stresses that it is not about her, the Doctor solemnly replies that it really is. Because here right now in mortal danger he is willing to put her first and thinks of her wellbeing before anything else, because Donna Noble means the world to him.

Fourteen loves Donna so much, that he is willing to stay with her forever, staying still is not so bad when it’s with her. Fourteen is so tired and weary and bruised and exhausted but when he looks into Donna’s eyes, he doesn’t feel so tired anymore.

Fourteen got Ten’s face because he needed rest, but also maybe, just maybe, because Ten didn’t want to go so badly that he broke through and got the chance to come back so he could have another chance, to have a life and be with his best friend again and come home. Fourteen was born out of love that Ten had for Donna. And that love (and the TARDIS) brought him right to Donna’s doorstep, so he can hear her call him spaceman again and have the best of times for as long as they live and have a laugh with his family in their shared garden and find out what it’s like to be happy. Fourteen gives his love so openly and freely and he gets to receive it too, he gets to bask in it and revel in it. He finally gets the reward Ten was dreaming about.

I mean, yes, they know Buffy is (more than) a bit weird and has a history of violence, and they know that she's often at the center of lots of strange things that happen in the school. But if you forget what you know about vampires and the Slayer and look at the dynamics and personal histories of that group from the outside, there's exactly one person who connects them all together. And it's not the (ex?) arsonist and (ex?) gang member who recently transferred to Sunnydale from LA.

Everyone in Sunnydale High seems to know Willow Rosenberg, and everyone knows she's a huge nerd who (A) love libraries and (B) has something of a history of either tutoring (e.g. Rodney Muson) or otherwise hanging out with (e.g. Shelia Martini) some of the school's more violent and dangerous elements.

There's Xander Harris, Willow's best friend since kindergarten (and who, unlike Willow, doesn't really seem to have many other friends at all after Jesse mysteriously vanishes)

There's the (weirdly religious?) ex-aronist from LA who Willow seems to be tutoring in the library a lot (see B above) or who she's possibly recruited as muscle. Sheila and Rodney both mysteriously went missing one day too, so people aren't that surprised when Buffy does herself at the end of junior year.

There's the English librarian (see A above) that anyone who has seen Willow's locker knows Willow has a crush on

There's the computer science teacher that anyone who has been in class with knows Willow also has a crush on, who sometimes has Willow come in to class to help her run sessions for remedial students on the weekends and whose job Willow (somehow) takes over when she dies

There's Cordelia Chase, who Willow has a whole historical Thing with, probably going back to when they were little kids themselves. People say Willow hates her but they're always hanging out together (there's a persistent rumor that they once spent a whole night together in a closet, if you know what I mean) and Willow helped run her campaign for Homecoming Queen. Cordelia was secretly dating Willow's friend for a bit and some people say Willow was really, really upset when she found out; read into that what you will.

There's the mysterious older guy in a band who doesn't talk much and that Willow is apparently actually dating. (This isn't the same older guy in a band Cordelia was dating, but oddly enough it is the same band.) A few kids swear they've seen him naked and locked up in the library at night.

There are (again, from the outside) people like Willow's childhood friend Amy and Amy's friend Michael, who people might remember were once being investigated by the police for ritual murder before Amy mysteriously vanished

To the outside eye, the Scooby Gang are Willow Rosenberg and her weird friends.

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien: 3rd January 1892 - 2nd September 1973

“Day is ended, dim my eyes, But journey long before me lies. Farewell, friends! I hear the call. The ship's beside the stony wall. Foam is white and waves are grey; Beyond the sunset leads my way. Foam is salt, the wind is free; I hear the rising of the Sea.

Farewell, friends! The sails are set, The wind is east, the moorings fret. Shadows long before me lie, Beneath the ever-bending sky, But islands lie behind the Sun That I shall raise ere all is done; Lands there are to west of West, Where night is quiet and sleep is rest.

“How?”

“Cause I ain’t gay. Not, y’know, not that there’s anything wrong with that. But I’m not. So it’s different.”

“So you,” Sam struggles. “You understand that Cas would. Would make a good life partner. For you, specifically. And to you, that only works is if Cas is in a female vessel.”

Dean throws some peanuts in his mouth. “Right.”

Sam stares at him. Today I beat my brother to death with a copy of Gender Trouble because he can’t see that he’s in love with his best friend of a decade, he pictures typing into Reddit. AITA?

“Dean-“ he starts.

“I gotta go,” Dean interrupts. “I wanted to show Cas this TV show that’s just buildings falling down.”

Dean leaves. Sam tries not to have a stroke.

Cas wouldn’t even like videos of buildings falling down. * * * “Cas,” Sam says. “If Dean was a girl, would you marry him?”

Cas looks up from the book he’s reading, blinking and then squinting.

“Is this some variation on the would you love me if I was a worm quandary?” He asks. “Claire already did that one on me.”

“No. I’m asking in earnest.”

Cas blinks again. “If your brother wanted to get married, I would marry him in whatever way he happened to be presenting.”

This is an answer Sam more or less expected. “Okay. Cool. Thanks.”

“Why?”

“Just asking.”

Cas narrows his eyes. Sam tries not to get too deer in the headlights about it, realizing like a thunderclap that he’s forgotten that when it comes to Dean, Cas is a bloodhound.

Sam wilts slightly. “Uh-“

“Has Dean indicated he would prefer me in a different vessel?” Cas asks.

“No,” Sam answers, immediate and unconvincing. “I mean. It’s not as-“

Cas snaps his book shut, gets up, and strides out the door.

Today I may have driven my brother’s soulmate away because I said he wasn’t feminine enough for him, Sam thinks. AITA for fleeing the country before my brother finds out? * * * Cas hasn’t been back for two days.

“He didn’t say where he would be going, did he?” Dean asks, clearly trying to pretend he’s not anxious.

“I dunno, Dean,” Sam says, making a sandwich and not looking at him. “Probably angel business. You get it.”

There’s silence. Sam looks up to see Dean looking at him suspiciously. Shit.

“Dean,” Sam says, trying not to panic. “I think getting some kale into your diet would be really good for you.”

Dean scowls. “Alright, you listen good, Sammy,” he snaps, and Sam tries not to look relieved. * * * On the third day, the door scrapes open and Sam looks up. He rears back a little at what he sees.

There’s a woman with dark hair in curls, bright blue eyes looking down at him. Her legs are long and she is, in the most delicate way Sam can put it, well endowed. She’s in a black leather jacket, a blue dress that goes up to her knees, and a pair of killer heels.

“Hi,” Sam says, a little stupefied. “Uh. What. Can I help you with something or-“

“Sam? Was that-“ Dean walks in, looks up at the woman, and blinks. “Cas?”

Sam stares at Dean, baffled. “What?”

“Hello, Sam,” the woman says. “Hello, Dean.” 

Sam whips his head around to stare at, evidently, Cas. “What?”

“What’re you doing in a new skin suit, Cas?”

“Hang on. Hang on, hang on.” Sam rounds on Dean. “How the fuck did you know that was Cas?”

Dean gestures at her. “She stands like Cas.”

“She stands like-“

“It is my understanding that you would prefer a more feminine vessel,” Cas says. “I went out to procure one.”

Sam thinks about clipping through the floor like he’s in a Bethesda game while Dean visibly struggles.

“I dunno, man,” he finally says. “I liked the old you.”

Sam wheels on Dean. “You what?”

“Yeah.”

“You. You what?”

“Well-“ Dean glowers defensively. “Well, he looked like Cas!”

“That’s fine,” Cas answers, unruffled. “I have my former vessel in the basement still.”

“You.” Sam is this close to spluttering. “You have Jimmy’s corpse in our basement?”

“That’s not Jimmy’s corpse,” Dean snaps. “That’s Cas’ body.”

“No, it isn’t!”

“I’d like to go back into it, now,” Cas says before Dean can say anything else. “This young lady’s back hurts quite a bit.” Cas takes a step and trips in the heels.

“Here, let me help you with that, man,” Dean says, surging forwards. He offers Cas his arm, who takes it gratefully.

“Thank you, Dean. I do not care for the heels.”

“Yeah, heels wouldn’t be my favorite part of being a chick, either. Where’d you get this chick, anyway?”

“Bible study.”

“Well, we’re gonna have to figure out what to do about her.”

“It’s quite alright, I told her it may only be temporary.”

Dean guides Cas down the stairs and into the basement. Sam stares after them.

I killed my brother and his not husband today because they got on my last nerve, he thinks. AITA?