disaster men incorporated

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

a core part of being on tumblr is watching the site kick itself in the dick

having anti punitive justice morals sucks because you want to say "man that guy sucks he should get hit with hammers until he dies" but you also want to make it clear you don't think anyone should be put in charge of the 'hit people with hammers until they die" machine.

being called an old soul when you were kid and knowing you just got diagnosed as a weird cunt

No, no. I can have one more shot, I swear. I won’t start behaving like a flamboyantly gay pansy stock character in a pre-code film again. I swear. You can trust me. Darling, you must trust me.

whoever invented booty shorts needs a nobel peace prize. sexiest item of clothing ever invented.

BOYS NIGHT, 15th March, Senate! bring your own booze! remember what happens in the senate stays in the senate ;). BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT

After I came out as an adult to my childhood best friend, he went back to his family and told them and then when we next spoke he said, ‘we’ve decided this is a good move for you.’

alright people have sent me some digimon to look at and i know nothing about digimon so i thought it was gonna be like little creatures a la pokemon but why is it all like giant bipedal demon rabbits. everything i’ve seen has unsettled me so far. i will not be setting foot in the digimon wiki again

#it's so commercialized these days #time was you'd never start celebrating ides of march before MAR/10 (mario day) #now they start playing ides of march carols in february (via @n3cropants)

(absolutely haunted expression, 1000 yard stare) Do yuo want to play with me this weekend

I could never get into a new drug because if I was half as dependent on anything inconvenient as I am on caffeine I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'm just sitting here sipping my coffee like "imagine if I had to pay cigarette prices for this shit. Imagine if I had to find a dealer for this shit. I am simply not organised enough for that."