I'm From Everywhere

My friend asked me to walk down the stairs while he filmed me and it was the best decision I made all month.

Americans have literally no banter

idk what country this is coming from but we’ve probably beaten you in a war at some point

I’m American

Civil war

#America: “ill kick anyone’s ass. I’ll kick your ass. I’ll kick your dogs ass. I’ll kick my own ass”

Stop vague blogging. Start name dropping. Start getting into internet fights every day. Lose yourself

me abt me: can someone like.. take care of her

[DJing party for the first time]  sorry guys ignore this spotify ad the music should be back soon

it has been a long week *me in the middle of monday*

IM GONNA SCREAMMMMMMM

i think this is legitimately the best use of misdirection ive ever seen in the history of video. i have not felt such a true sense of surprise in a very long time

who is putting these weird fucking clickbait ads on tumblr anyway

the answer may shock you

Greatest answer in the history of everything.

concept: time doesn’t exist. you and i are sitting on a bed sharing a smoothie. you think you’re falling in love with me. you’re getting butterflies in your stomach. little do you know that i actually poisoned the smoothie and you start to choke. im running as fast i can with the Russian military yelling in my earpiece but i don’t speak Russian. i realize then that i had also poisoned myself. we are both yelling.