Most Black folks in the US have a deeply painful racial story having to do with interactions with white "friends," including me.
I had a unique experience of going to very diverse schools my entire life, but my family moved out to a mostly white suburb when I was around 11 or 12 years old. So I had friends of all kinds of different backgrounds at school, but my neighborhood friends were almost entirely white. Which was mostly fine as a kid. I even had two of these friends as groomsmen in my wedding.
Things changed shortly after the murder of Trayvon Martin. This is when I started getting more vocal online about racism, anti-Blackness, and the injustices I was observing and grieving throughout the country. It didn't take long at all for the friends from this group to go from uncomfortable, to combative, and then to all blocking me on social media. Once I started talking about race too much, they abandoned me by walking out of my life, which was incredibly painful. These were all very nice, generous, and kind people in every other context of their lives. But something about their racial identity development caused them to turn on me immediately once my voice around race became uncomfortable for them.
Those experiences, along with countless others I've had in my life from white peers, white educators, white store employees, and more, have taught me to be very careful about trusting white folks. Because I have been burned in so many ways in my life.
The key to not unintentionally becoming like this, so wrapped up in your subconscious programming of whiteness and white supremacy that you actively hurt people of color, is to do your inner identity work.
