tomorrow is another day

caving as an extreme sport is sooo unfathomable to me why are u as a creature of the daylight doing that. were u born without the dread in ur bones or something

there's an episode of malcolm in the middle where he just shuts up and stops complaining for awhile and it immediately starts to significantly improve his life but also it causes him an ulcer and by the end of the episode he is literally spitting up blood and i have always deeply and unshakably believed that is exactly how the situation would play out for me too

everything i do is for women, the gays, and - of course - the unemployed

can i jsut say… isnt it insane that polar bears go underground like imagine just walking along with a shovel and u start digging a hole and a bear is in there

london be like: ‘Stunning opportunity to rent this unique property, offers start at £900 a month’

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed

This is legit and people don’t realize it.

“hey what are you doing?” “nothing”  “oh great! so you are avaliab-” “no you don’t understand. I’m doing nothing.” 

I’m doing nothing. Actively. It’s important.

This is essential nothing I’m doing.

Somewhere in the deep ocean theres a guy but you will never meet him

I respect the moon's unwillingness to be photographed on a phone

crazy how every time you go on a walk it’s like ohh that’s why i’m alive

I think that people should keep scamming people on depop cause the depop drama ig is one of the funniest pages in existence

yeast is a domesticated animal

you feed it. it feeds you. you've known it since forever. it has existed far before you have and will outlive you for eons, but for now, it is your friend, and it lives in a jar in your kitchen cupboard.