escaping exvangelical

this is a (side)blog for ex-christians or those deconstructing their faith. if you are currently christian you will probably not like it here!

I write poetry that focuses on religious trauma in a pretty heavy way, including elements of child abuse, violence, and harmful theology. for me, it's a validating, healing practice, but it can also be triggering, so take caution <3

~ about me ~

I am a bisexual/queer woman in my early 20s, located in the USA. I love Chappell Roan with my whole heart, and enjoy crafting, reading, and playing Stardew Valley :) You can call me Mae.

~ my story ~

I was raised in the white conservative evangelical church, specifically non-denominational/Christian Missionary Alliance. I come from a long line of missionaries on both sides - but my parents divorced when I was four and my mom deconverted around that time. I was raised by my dad, who was incredibly legalistic and to some extent abusive, as well as my stepmom. I was deeply devoted to my faith, and it was a core piece of my identity for my entire childhood. I began subconsciously deconstructing when I was around 16/17 years old as my political compass started to shift and I entered into a relationship, which allowed me to see just how strange my family was. I transitioned into more of a questioning/progressive Christian around when I started college, studying English/Communication at a small Christian school. I graduated quickly, and then began working at a progressive Lutheran church and leading a middle school small group at the CMA church I grew up in. By the time I was in those roles, I had begun consciously deconstructing - listening to podcasts like Recovering Evangelicals and Straight White American Jesus while building worship slides. Eventually, I completely stopped believing. It took some time to step back from those roles and "come out", as I felt trapped by expectations, need for income, and fear of rejection. This is part of where my name, "escapingexvangelical," comes from. The first step of my escape was ending my role as youth leader, which I finally did after over half a year of leading a group of middle school girls in Bible studies without being a Christian. After months of declining mental health, I managed to obtain a therapist, and with her help, I told my dad I was no longer a Christian. She also gently encouraged me to consider quitting my job, which I finally did in November 2024 after two and a half years of working there. Now, I feel almost free. I still hope to tell my partner's family about my deconversion as they are also deeply Christian, but I am working through some other traumas before I tackle that. My partner is currently deconstructing, but still Christian; we've been together for over six years, and he's been my closest supporter during this journey.

I loved it so much I even made a linocut stamp based on some of the pages: