identifying a maladaptive coping mechanism is so bitter sweet like that’s great now i know what i need to stop doing. but that’s literally my something
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Warning: Steve feeling like he can't say no to sex and having it without really wanting to
Steve knew he had a reputation. If he was a girl, he'd be labeled easy. Gagging for it. Slutty. But no one called him a slut. Not to his face, anyway. Instead he got clapped on the back by the boys on the team and told how lucky he was. They thought it was funny to leave condoms in his locker and make bets about whether or not Steve would knock somebody up before he graduated.
It was fun, at first. He liked sex, obviously. He liked how it felt to be close to a girl, the smell of her perfume, the brush of her hair against his skin, her moans and sighs when he touched her right. He liked the satisfaction that came with making someone feel good. He'd felt proud the first time a girl wanted him to be her first. Like he’d earned her trust.
Somewhere along the way, it started feeling less like girls wanted him, and more like they wanted the Steve Harrington Experience. For Steve to show them a good time, so they could brag to their friends about the size of his dick or how many times he made them come. They stopped wanting to go on dates with him. He'd be at a party and a girl would come up to him, start making excuses to touch his arms or his hair, press in close and giggle, and eventually whisper in his ear to take them upstairs.
He couldn't turn a girl down in front of his friends, not when she was so obviously offering sex. They'd never let it go if he did. He could already hear the jokes: looks like Steve's off his game or did you finally catch something, Harrington, or worst of all you aren't some kind of fag now, are you?
So he took them upstairs, and he fucked them, and he made sure they enjoyed it, and then they'd maybe cuddle with him for a few minutes before they went back downstairs to tell their friends. It's not like they were forcing him or anything—he could have said no, he just didn't—but it didn't feel good anymore. He felt gross. He felt used.
That's why it hurt so much when Eddie started coming on to him. He'd thought Eddie was his friend. He'd thought them coming out to each other was bonding, not Eddie trying to get a read on him. If the hangouts, the jokes, the way Eddie always looked pleased to see him—if all that was just to get in Steve's pants, to take him for a ride, well. It was unnecessary, first of all. Everyone knew Steve would fuck just about anybody who asked. Eddie didn't have to pretend to like him. Steve would prefer if he didn't, because this hurt so much more than getting blatantly propositioned at a party.
The way he saw it, he had two options. Number one, he could act dumb and pretend he didn't understand that Eddie was making a move on him. That might get Eddie to back off for a while and earn Steve some more time with him.
Number two, they could have sex. He could show Eddie a good time, give him exactly what he wanted, and then get his heart broken when Eddie promptly dusted his hands of Steve and moved on to better things.
Steve was tempted to go for option one, but that would just prolong the heartbreak. It would always be in the back of his mind that their friendship was just a fat fucking lie. It would be better to just get it over with.
So when Eddie touched his face and looked into his eyes and told him he was pretty, Steve knew what he had to do. He didn't get why Eddie was beating around the bush, but maybe he was shy. Maybe it was his first time. It didn't matter.
Eddie was looking at his lips, clearly angling for a kiss, so Steve leaned in and gave it to him. He still liked kissing, even if the rest of sex had become kind of flat and stale.
Eddie was a very enthusiastic kisser. He clutched at Steve's back and dragged Steve down on top of him until Eddie was flat on his back on the sofa with Steve's tongue in his mouth.
“Fuck,” Eddie moaned when Steve pulled back, and chased Steve's mouth with his own. “Get back here, c’mon.”
Kissing was part of Steve's routine. Kissing, oral, then the main event. It made it easier to pretend it was real. But there was only so long he could drag it out before it was time to move on. Even the shy girls got impatient eventually.
He kissed Eddie until he was hard against Steve's hip, and then he sat up and started taking Eddie's pants off.
“Holy shit,” Eddie said, his head thunking back against the armrest as Steve got his dick out and started touching it. “I can't believe this is really happening.”
That was a bit much. He wished Eddie would just acknowledge this for what it was and quit messing around. He ducked his head to try and hide his scowl but he must not have been quick enough, because Eddie was pushing himself up onto his elbows and frowning back at him.
“What's wrong?” Eddie asked.
“Nothing,” Steve lied. What the hell was Eddie playing at, acting like he gave a shit about Steve? “Do you want me to suck your dick or what?”
“Yeah, obviously, but can we like, call a timeout for a sec? Because I feel like I'm missing something here.”
“Everything's fine,” Steve said. “Look, either you want to fuck or you don't. It's all the same to me.”
Eddie’s eyes widened. “All the same to you?” he repeated. “Jesus, Steve. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
As he spoke, he shoved his dick back into his underwear and yanked up his jeans. He sounded hurt, which was baffling. Steve wasn't so blunt with girls, true, but they also had never pissed him off as bad as Eddie was.
“You know,” Steve said, shrugging. He didn't usually talk about it. He didn't usually need to. He'd stopped expecting anything more than sex years ago.
“Can we just, like, pretend that I don't?” Eddie said, shoving his hands into his hair and looking so genuinely confused that Steve felt a little frisson of uneasiness shoot up his spine. “Let's pretend that I have no fucking idea what's going on right now.”
“Can we just drop it?”
“Uh, no, man, we cannot just drop it.” Eddie shuffled closer. “Steve, hey. Talk to me. What's going on?”
He put his hand on Steve's knee, and Steve flinched.
Eddie's face fell, and he snatched his hand back.
“Shit, sorry,” he said. “You don't want me to touch you?”
Steve shook his head. “I can't have sex with you,” he said miserably, and pulled in his knees to hug them to his chest. He should have been happy about that—he’d been mad at Eddie for wanting sex, after all—but it turned out he did want to have sex with Eddie, he just didn't want it to be some empty, meaningless transaction. So now he would lose Eddie's friendship without even getting the fake-closeness of sex with him in return.
“You can't?” Eddie asked, because of course he'd zeroed in on that. “I don't understand.”
“I thought I could do it, but I can't,” Steve said, feeling very small. “I…I like you too much.”
“Right, how stupid of me,” Eddie said, smacking his own forehead with the palm of his hand. “You only have sex with people you don't like.”
He could tell Eddie didn't mean it, but it was uncomfortably near to the truth. He swallowed hard and fiddled with a worn spot on his jeans.
“It's not like that,” he said finally. “It's just…nevermind. It doesn't matter.”
“It does matter!” Eddie said, and from the corner of his eye Steve could see him reach a hand out and then change his mind and pull it back. “Look. If you don't want to have sex with me, that's cool, I get it. We can still be friends, no hard feelings. But there's obviously something else going on here.”
“You still want to be friends?”
“Uh, duh.” He gave Steve a lopsided smile. “You're one of my best friends, man. I'm not gonna ditch you just because you don't feel the same way about me.”
Steve didn't understand. “Oh,” he said. “I thought—”
Eddie waited him out, more patient than Steve had ever seen him before.
“I thought you just wanted sex,” he said. “That's all anyone ever wants from me.”
“But you like me too much to have sex with me,” Eddie said, like he was trying to confirm it, and when Steve nodded his eyes went all soft and sad.
“Steve,” Eddie said in a very careful voice. “When was the last time you had sex with someone and you actually wanted it?”
Steve tried thinking back, but he'd been in a dry spell for a while. He'd stopped going to parties after what happened with Billy, and it turned out that girls were only interested in Steve “the Hair” Harrington, not so much Steve “the Loser” Harrington. Before that it was all just a blur of faceless girls at parties and the sinking feeling he got when they approached him.
Eddie wasn't going to like the answer, he knew that much. He felt like he was in trouble, which was stupid, but knowing it was stupid didn't change how he felt.
“I can't remember,” he mumbled, looking down at his knees and not at Eddie.
“Jesus fucking christ,” Eddie swore. “Why? If you didn't want it, why didn't you say no?”
“I guess…I didn't feel like I could,” Steve said. His face was hot. He kind of wanted to cry, except Eddie was there, and he didn't want Eddie to see.
“Okay,” Eddie said. “Shit, okay.”
“Sorry.”
“Don't fucking—” Eddie pushed his hands back into his hair and yanked on it. When he spoke again he sounded calmer. “You don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong.”
“Didn't I?” Steve said. He felt like he'd done a lot of things wrong. He'd made some pretty shitty assumptions about Eddie, for starters.
“No, man, you didn't. But I think maybe I owe you an apology.”
Steve had no idea what Eddie could possibly have to apologize for. He was chewing on a lock of his hair, which was gross and definitely going to give him split ends, but he spit it out and straightened up.
“I'm, uh, I'm really fucking sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't say no to me,” Eddie said, his eyes darting over Steve's face.
“You didn't,” Steve protested. Eddie had been sweet, really. And he hadn't even mentioned sex until Steve brought it up. This was all Steve's fault.
“Then why—”
“I forgot that I could!” Steve said, nearly yelling, and put his hands over his face when he saw Eddie's look of shock. This was it, he was going to die of mortification right here and now.
“Steve,” Eddie said softly. “Fuck. Do you, uh, do you want a hug?”
Steve nodded, and Eddie put his arms around him just like that, even though Steve was still all scrunched up with his knees to his chest. After a minute Steve uncurled enough to hug Eddie back. Eddie's shirt was soft against his face and his hair tickled Steve's neck.
“Sorry if I ruined everything,” Steve told him.
“You didn't ruin anything. We're good, okay? We had a misunderstanding and we sorted it out.”
“Do you still want to kiss me?” Steve asked, and Eddie's hands paused where they were stroking his back.
“Full disclosure? Yeah, I do. But I'm not gonna let it mess up our friendship, I'm gonna repress that shit so hard—”
Steve cut him off. “I like kissing,” he said.
“Oh!” Eddie said, and his arms tightened around Steve. “Okay, so maybe…maybe we skip the repression?”
love the concept of Wayne not trusting Steve because of his reputation/knowing his father. but have we considered that he probably heard the news story about a girl disappearing from Steve’s house and might think he and his friends did some kind of hazing that went too far
now the dad/son’s boyfriend distrust is funny but also imagine Wayne just being bone deep terrified. his kid is gay in the 80s Midwest and he’s been hunted before and now the guy he’s dating is an ex-jock who might’ve participated in killing someone. and he trusts him implicitly for some reason. just. Wayne not sleeping the first few times Steve sleeps over because he’s keeping watch in case Eddie gets hurt
thought about this post again after MONTHS and just. the image of Wayne having seen Eddie half eaten in the hospital and being terrified of it happening again and then. he brings a potential threat into their home with seemingly no fear. it’s be emotional about Wayne hours chat
@scoops-aboy86 no this goes IN THE POST. steve realizing that it’s not just fatherly protectiveness. Wayne’s cageyness around him isn’t worry for Eddie’s heart it’s worry for his safety. and he knew he used to be a jerk but he didn’t think he was THAT bad
Yes! And also… Bonus angst points if Barb’s death is also the reason Steve’s parents aren’t around much.
When Eddie finally figures out what’s going on he just sits down and cries with his head in his hands for a minute—because this horrible thing happened that’s not even Steve’s fault but Nancy held him responsible for it, his parents held him responsible for it, and now Wayne too. Wayne, who Eddie swore to Steve would come around eventually because he’s an excellent judge of character.
And maybe Wayne tries to reassure his nephew that it’s going to be okay… Except he doesn’t know about Nancy or the Harringtons, so he thinks he’s comforting an Eddie who’s finally coming around to acknowledging that Steve is not only dangerous but also unsettlingly good at manipulating everyone into thinking he isn’t—so Wayne ends up saying all the wrong things.
YEAHHHHH and that just makes Eddie angrier because Steve’s done literally nothing to deserve that?!?! Even when he was a jerk he wasn’t dangerous. And now? When he’s put his life on the line for all of them on multiple occasions? Hearing “it’s okay, this isn’t your fault, he fooled you like he fooled everyone else” sets him off
and ofc Wayne thinks he’s still in denial, but now Eddie’s so mad that he doesn’t talk about Steve at all anymore and he’s thinking “oh. oh no i pushed too soon and now he’s gonna throw himself further in danger bc he’s angry”
Wayne is, in part, overcompensating for not realizing how bad of a parent Al would be to Eddie. And he’s not projecting Dick Harrington’s sins onto Steve, he just fully believes that Dick is the kind of man who could inadvertently raise a psychopath.
There’s Barb’s death in ‘83. Starcourt burned down in ‘85 with a whole mess of people on it, including that Hargrove boy who even Wayne had heard had run-ins with Steve (reported in the news as one of the survivors, by name because he was 18). Hargrove’s car had been suspiciously wrecked in the parking lot, too, sitting out there for all to see while the mall still smoldered. Then the three murders in ‘86 that Eddie was almost held accountable for. Wayne knows from Eddie’s griping over the entire school year (because of his not so little crush) that Steve was always hanging around the high school, giving rides to the youngest new additions to Hellfire. It’s strange for a a nineteen year old who’s not in school anymore to latch onto a gaggle of completely unrelated fourteen year olds who are, isn’t it? Could’ve been using them as a cover while scouting for victims. And then there’s the way that Steve never seems to flinch that he can tell, not about anything; he’d seen the boy accidentally burn himself on the stove once and barely even react. That’s not normal. He’s convinced that something is very, very wrong with Steve.
Unfortunately, that last part is true. Steve is incredibly traumatized and an accomplished dissociator, because he’s too used to being the tank of the party to let himself be vulnerable easily. The only reason Wayne doesn’t know Steve has nightmares is because of the insomnia; he’s mistaken shell-shock for something insidious.
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Eddie realizing his second senior year that Steve can't hear for shit out of his left ear.
He realizes this because he sits beside Steve in the back row of their English class and Steve never responds to him when he asks him to move his chair.
He thought Steve was just being a dick at first but no. He notices it all the time so really, there's no harm in admitting, "You smell really good."
Or saying, "Your hair looks hot today."
Or, "You're hot."
Or, "Saw you with that one kid again today. It's cute the way you look out for him."
Or, "I've always been a little in love with you."
"You know," Steve says back. "I got a hearing aid the other day."
"It's like a whole new world having two ears again," Steve continues even though Eddie's heart is in his ass. He turns his bright smile to him and ask, "Wanna show it to me, Munson?"
"Show...?"
"The hearing world," Steve clarifies. "You like music, right? Have a band?"
"Uh, yeah?"
"Cool, you can play for your music for me after school," He smiles. "It's a date."
A regional manager of Scoops Ahoy took one look at newly hired Steve (fresh highlights in his hair, lipgloss on) and said: do you want to participate in Scoops Ahoy yearly charity calendar? (said calendar did not exist until a second ago)(it will be wildly successful and reprinted for many years)
Sometime later one Eddie Munson finds the calendar at some underground queer bookshop in Indianapolis and almost dies from lust-induced nose bleed
The inherent political statement of only speaking in spanish. Of introducing himself by his legal name. Of having most, if not all (don't wanna assume) his background dancers be visibly latinos. Of showing glimpses into the latino experience with such love and care and domesticity (we all laughed at the kid sleeping in the chairs lol), and including ALL latino countries. "The only thing stronger than hate is love." I suppose Joy is all a part of the fight, isn't it?
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“I mean what did you think, really? That a show about nerds and outcasts was gonna have a well-written queer romance? That, in the end, queer love could help save the world?”
Steve Harrington is the Midwest golden boy dream for hockey. He has been playing since he could put on a pair of skates, is media trained within an inch of his life, and was suppose to be the number one pic for the NHL.
Until Eddie Munson rolled onto the scene. Eddie Munson who didn’t start playing until he was 14 years old when he was told he needed a “constructive outlet for his anger”. Eddie who was a super senior in high school and only made it to college by the skin of his teeth and hockey scholarship. And Eddie Munson who would become the number one pick, regulating Steve to number two.
And as fate would have it, they’re drafted to rival teams. They are one another’s villains, fated to hate each other forever.
But Steve doesn’t really hate Eddie. Not in the slightest. In fact, he is actually obsessed. And he’s starting to think Eddie might be obsessed with him as well.
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