A few years ago while trying to find ways to commit suicide as painlessly as possible, I came across a PDF of Dr. Paul Quinnett's The Forever Decision. Thinking it might go into actual methods of suicide (I read an article once that actually did that and was trying to find it again) I started to read it, and I think I only got about two pages in before I was crying too much to actually see the words.
I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I'm feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.
All the book really does is [I'm pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I've read no more than 5 pages] "discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help."
But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I'm compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it's saved my life at least a few times now.
It's intentionally legal to copy and redistribute this book to keep it as accessible as possible, and it's very easy to find, but here's a link for it anyways.
I found the institute he heads, the QPR Institute, which focuses on suicide prevention, and sent them a note of gratitude and told them the book is being passed around here.
I was answered by the national coordinator, who's passing my comment on to Dr. Quinnett.
So if you saw this post and you're in that place so dark where "does it really matter, though? Nobody even knows I exist" feels like a very true statement:
Somebody does know, actually. He wrote this book, and he's very glad it found its way to you, and he wants you alive. In fact he's dedicated the last 40 years of his life to that goal. He knows you exist because it was important to me to give him the chance to know about you.
So will you do him, and me, a favor, and give it one more day?
I've given it fifteen years so far, and it's gotten a hell of a lot better than I ever imagined it could.
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friends, moots, and tumblr-countryfolks, lend me your ears/eyeballs. i have a question.
there was a poll going around a week or two ago about whether you write linearly/out of order and with/without detailed outlines. i am firmly team non-linear but sometimes i think this is why it takes me so long to finish things. like, if i could start at the start and write to the end hoo boy, i'd be so powerful.
...maybe. SO. my question (other than like. linear writers: tell me about your process) is what do you do when you have a scene/line/exchange pop into your head for a future part?
like, as an example, with this fic, i outlined as much as i ever do (rough list of scenes) and started from basically the beginning. but then some of the dialogue for the last scene popped into my head and i didn't wanna lose it, so i wrote that down and then, oh no! flow! so i ended up with my usual thing of like...six scenes pretty much finalised and a mountain of connective tissue still to write.
or like with longer stuff, like allying, i knew from the start that at some point the glory hole scene would happen, but i wasn't 100% sure how they'd get there so i just wrote that first while the rest of the fic percolated.
how do i...not do that? should i outline differently/better/in more detail? should i have a separate doc to scribble lines i don't wanna lose and then a main one for actual writing in actual order? teach me your ways, gang!
to be clear, i don't think i'm writing wrong or anything, i just got fascinated by that poll and have been toying with setting myself a "write something linearly" challenge but i just...genuinely don't know if i could.
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Fic Rec Friday's Week of Celebrations and Self Recs, Day 4
So, I never posted a fic in this thread before, but I see so many people saying that it's open to anyone that I decided to try. I hope it's okay.
For occupation:
I see beauty in you - Patrick is an amateur photographer. David owns a gallery. He wants Patrick any way he can get him.
This is the only fic I've written for Schitt's creek, but I'm very proud of it. Thanks so much for the opportunity, this has been a great week for recs.
In case you hadn't heard this- studies have shown that properly medicating for ADHD correlates with a measurable decrease in all cause mortality. That is- people with adhd who take their medication have a measurably lower risk of dying overall as a result.
Among individuals diagnosed with ADHD, medication initiation was associated with significantly lower all-cause mortality, particularly for d
So, you know, it's not JUST a "quality of life" improvement. It's also a *quantity of life* improvement.
I personally use Qwant. It gives you normal-ass search results, doesn't cram AI down your throat, and is very privacy-focused. It doesn't always have the most complete results but it's been perfectly fine for my daily use - it's been my primary search engine for a couple years now.
Duck Duck Go is also very good. They do have an AI search option but it's truly an option. They're also quite privacy-focused but they are based in the US (Qwant is headquartered in France). They're also available in more regions than Qwant is. I used it for a year or so but the AI bugged me.
I've heard good things about Startpage though I haven't used it myself. Its big selling point for a while was they used google's search results without tracking you, though if google doesn't *have* search results anymore who knows what their future holds. Based in NL.
There are others of course but those are where I'd start if you're sick of google's bullshit.
The No AI version of DuckDuckGo – I've used regular DuckDuckGo for years, but even with all the AI options supposedly turned off, I've recently had trouble finding actual webpages (as opposed to AI-translated garbage) with Finnish-language queries, and the No AI version has so far delivered better results. (Caveat: my queries are work-related, ie. medical and sometimes obscure. Your mileage may vary.)
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Hey friends, and friends of friends I'm hoping this will reach!
As those who follow me know, I am deep into pre-production on my first short film, "Order for Owen," which I wrote and will be directing with the support of Bay Area production company Tricky Ink Productions, under their Training Ground Films initiative.
"Order for Owen" is about Owen, a young, Asian-American, trans man, who is just starting to go out in the world using his newly chosen, gender-affirming name. He debates whether or not to come out to his housemate, Ty, who he secretly has a crush on. Meanwhile, Ty is doing some self-discovery of his own.
Pre-production has been a major learning experience, both for myself and this young production company I'm working with. As a result, we are officially launching our fundraising campaign a bit late in the game.
The good news is, the initiative has fiscal sponsorship through Redwood City-based film organization BraveMaker, which makes contributions to our campaign tax deductible.
If you or someone you know (it's Pride, hit up the allies in your life!) is interested in supporting us:
⭐🌈 DONATIONS CAN BE MADE HERE 🌈⭐
And more information on Training Ground Films can be found here! (This includes info about the initiative, the first short they made, and my short!)
And whether or not you are someone who can contribute to the campaign, spreading the word is so meaningful to me too.
Thank you all, and please feel free to message me with any questions! 💚
Anyone willing to read through a story I'm writing? Schitt's Creek, David x Patrick. It's 10k so far, I'm currently writing the epilogue. Pure fluff, rating M.
I want to know if it's worth it to keep working on it. Any helpful input is appreciated.
Fic: 10 Dares to Make You Smile, 1 Truth to Make You Stay
Here is this week's fic for @bucktommysummerfest for the
Prompt: Truth or Dare
Summary: Buck starts a game of Truth or Dare with Tommy on a lazy day off, and it spirals—obviously. Ten dares and one truth later, it’s more than just a game.
Rating: T to M (for suggestive content and romantic fluff)
Tags: Buck/Tommy, Truth or Dare, Flirty Buck, Flustered Tommy, Romantic Confessions, Kissing, Falling In Love, 10+1 Format, Chaos and Tenderness
Author's Note:
This started as a 5+1 but ended up being a 10+1 because I love these two with every fiber of my being and nothing will ever be funnier than Buck flirting through sheer chaos while Tommy accidentally becomes the most romantic man alive. So here are 10 dares and 1 truth that shows how absolutely adorable they are. Thanks for reading!
Socks Optional
“Truth or dare?” Buck asks for the first time, lounging on the couch with his feet kicked up against the armrest.
Tommy raises a brow from where he’s leaning against the coffee table, legs crossed. “We’re really doing this?”
“Come on,” Buck grins. “You said we could do whatever today as long as it doesn’t aggravate my injury. I’m invoking the sacred laws of recuperation boredom.”
Tommy exhales with a sigh. “If it means you don’t move, fine.”
“So truth or dare?” Buck grins, bouncing next to Tommy.
Tommy eyes him warily. “Dare.”
“I dare you to wear my turnout coat and nothing else.”
Tommy lifts an eyebrow. “Nothing else?”
Buck smirks. “Socks optional.”
“Now Hen bringing your gear here makes sense. You’re lucky we’re the same size or this would be impossible,” Tommy mutters, standing to peel off his shirt before he disappears into the bedroom.
When he returns—bare thighs and feet, Buck’s turnout coat barely covering him—Buck forgets how to breathe for a second. The noise in his head goes silent for a moment.
Tommy deadpans, “You good?”
“Yeah,” Buck says. “Just—filing this away forever.”
Anywhere But the Mouth
“Truth or dare?”
Tommy’s sitting cross-legged now, a little pink in the ears as he tries to adjust the turnout coat to cover the essentials. “Dare.”
Buck leans in, voice dropping. “I dare you to kiss me. Anywhere but the mouth.”
Tommy blinks, then slowly crawls forward, one hand planted beside Buck’s thigh.
And he softly kisses just beneath Buck’s jaw. His lips linger against Buck’s skin as he lets out a soft breath.
When he pulls back, Buck’s not grinning anymore. He’s just watching Tommy like the ground might be falling away under him.
Tommy leans back in, slow and deliberate. His breath brushes Buck’s ear as he murmurs, low and gravel-warm, “I want to keep kissing you until your knees give out. And then I want to keep going.”
Buck swallows hard, flushed all the way down to his collarbone. “Okay. That’s, um. Good to know.”
Tommy sits back with a satisfied smile. “Your move, Evan.”
Bigfoot Sighting
“Truth or dare?” Buck says with a grin.
Tommy gives Buck’s wide grin and dimples a long glance before he sighs, “Dare.”
“I dare you to call Chim and tell him you saw Bigfoot at the grocery store and he stole your rotisserie chicken.”
Tommy stares at him.
Buck shrugs. “You said dare.”
Tommy sighs as he picks up his phone.
When Chim answers, Tommy can hear his television on in the background and Jee signing.
But the second he says, “you won’t believe what happened to me in the Trader Joe’s parking lot”, Chim moves outside and listens without a single comment.
Tommy doesn’t break once and Buck’s wiping tears off his face by the end of it.
When Tommy finally wraps up the story, Chim goes silent for a moment before saying, “Tell Buck to pick a different story next time than the one he had Jee tell Maddie. My five-year old told it better.”
He's laughing as he hangs up.
Curls Hide Length
“Truth or dare, Tommy?”
Tommy stretches like a cat and looks over his shoulder at Buck. “Dare.”
“I dare you to let me braid your hair.”
Tommy laughs, surprised. “I definitely don’t have enough hair for that, Evan.”
“Your hair is longer than I’ve ever seen it. And curls hide length,” Buck’s already climbing behind him on the couch. “You have exactly enough hair. And a very cooperative head.”
He’s surprisingly good at it—gentle fingers and too many compliments. Tommy ends up with two crooked little French braids with so many flyaways and a flushed neck.
Buck presses a kiss to the crown of his head when he’s done. “Perfect.”
Tommy doesn’t move for a long time.
Tommy Thinks He’s Dating a Gremlin
“Truth or dare?”
“Dare, obviously.” Tommy leans back, one leg over the arm of the couch.
Buck grins. “I dare you to speak only in third person until your next turn.”
Tommy raises an eyebrow. “Tommy thinks this is absurd.”
Buck claps. “Excellent start.”
“Tommy wonders why he’s dating such a gremlin.”
“Buck thinks he’s charming.”
Tommy just mutters, “Tommy disagrees.”
It ends with them both laughing so hard they collapse sideways into each other.
Tommy presses his forehead to Buck’s temple. “Tommy thinks Evan is an adorable idiot.”
Buck hums. “Buck thinks Tommy’s life would be so boring if Buck was gone.”
“Good thing Tommy is never letting Evan go again then.”
Naked Before You Know It
“Truth or dare?”
Tommy looks dangerous now. “Dare.”
Buck licks his lips. “I dare you to tell me the exact second you first thought about sleeping with me.”
Tommy exhales slowly. “The second you said that who cares was the 118’s motto.”
Buck blinks. “What?”
“I know,” Tommy says. “I should have realized then that I was gone on you.”
Buck leans in close. “So what exactly did you think about?”
Tommy’s eyes drop to Buck’s mouth. Then back up. “That I wanted to kiss you so good you’d be naked before you know it.”
Buck’s heart hammers. “Oh.”
Tommy smiles, slow and devastating.
Sea Shanties in Bed
“Truth or dare?”
Tommy’s sprawled on his back on the bed now, Buck laying beside him. “Dare.”
“I dare you to make up a sea shanty about how annoying I am.”
Tommy barely pauses. “Give me a beat.”
Buck slaps his thigh in rhythm, and Tommy launches into:
🎵Oh the boy named Buck, with his hair all fine,
Left his socks on the floor for the hundredth time!
He talks too fast and he laughs too loud,
But damn if he don’t make his Tommy proud.🎵
When he finally stops singing, Buck’s staring.
“Did I horrify you with my voice, baby?” Tommy
“That was—actually kinda sweet?”
Tommy shrugs. “Sea shanties usually are.”
Buck starts giggling, “you’re such a weirdo.”
“You dared me.” Tommy grins.
Mario Kart Sabotage
“Truth or dare?”
Tommy’s already laughing as he taps the sea shanty rhythm on Buck’s knee. “Dare.”
“I dare you to try and beat me at Mario Kart right now. Loser wears nothing to bed tonight.”
Tommy smirks. “You’re on.”
Thirty minutes, three banana peels, and one thrown controller later, Buck is reluctantly tugging off Tommy’s old academy t-shirt that he has claimed as his own.
“You totally cheated, you cheating cheater.”
“I totally trained,” Tommy corrects. “Respect the master.”
Buck mumbles, “Master of my heart, maybe.”
Tommy pretends not to hear, but his smile says otherwise.
Sleepy Drives
“Truth or dare?”
Tommy hums. “Dare.”
Buck nudges his foot under the blanket. “I dare you to tell me your favorite memory of us so far.”
Tommy’s quiet for a beat. Then: “That morning you fell asleep in the passenger seat of my truck on our way to breakfast and I didn’t wake you. I just drove around with you like that for two hours. Whole city felt softer.”
Buck looks down, flushed. “I expected something more memorable.”
“Well it’s my favorite,” Tommy says. “Doesn’t have to be dramatic or extravagant to be good.”
Buck blinks, throat tight. “That’s… wow.”
“Yeah.” Tommy rubs at the back of his neck. “Just figured you should hear it.”
Supermarket Soliloquy
“Truth or dare?”
Tommy’s still grinning. “Dare.”
“I dare you to recite our last grocery list like it’s a dramatic monologue.”
Tommy nods, stands up, and bellows to the ceiling:
“ALMOND MILK—for Evan's cursed digestion!
TOILET PAPER—for the endless void of the sewage!
CHICKEN BREAST—nay, protein of the gods!”
Buck is doubled over laughing by the time he reaches “unscented laundry detergent for overly sensitive but beautiful skin.”
+1 Really Going to Outromance Me?
“Truth or dare?” Buck asks softly, almost like he’s afraid of the answer. He’s stretched out on top of Tommy on the living room couch, head resting against Tommy’s shoulder, their fingers lazily twined. The TV plays quietly in the background—some nature documentary neither of them’s really watching. There's Thai takeout containers on the coffee table, one sock missing, half a braid in Tommy’s hair from earlier.
Tommy doesn’t even look away from the screen. “Truth.”
Buck shifts, just enough to meet his eyes. “When did you know it was real? Us. That this wasn’t just messing around or filling space. But that we were each other’s last.”
Tommy goes still for a moment. Not frozen—just full of weight.
Then, voice low and steady, he says, “It was the night you fell asleep in my lap after that big call at the pier that went on for days and we were taking a break in the tent while our teams rested. We were covered in soot and I kept brushing your hair back even though you were already out cold.”
He swallows.
“You murmured my name like it was a prayer. Not for help. Just… like it made you safe.” He finally looks down at Buck. “That’s when I knew I couldn’t ever go back to before you.”
Buck’s lips part, but nothing comes out. His throat’s too tight.
Tommy’s hand finds his again, firmer this time. “You were never a fling, Buck. You were a detour I never knew I was meant to take—and then the road beneath my feet.”
Buck blinks fast. “You’re really going to out-romance me like that?”
Tommy grins, a little sheepish, but doesn’t pull away. “You asked.”
Buck leans up, presses his forehead to Tommy’s, and whispers, “I’ve loved you since before I believed I deserved something good.”
“You do,” Tommy breathes. “You are.”
And then they kiss—slow, sure, and full of the kind of promise no dare could ever hold.
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