leashy

Ahhh thank you for the prompt! ❣️😘 Hope you like it!

If Tommy believed in signs from the universe, running into Evan in a bar again was maybe his cue to stop drinking. Or start drinking at home. Or… something. Because this was ridiculous.

No. Ridiculous was Evan's life in the last year or so. And there was something about the way his eyes shifted away and his grip on his beer got a little tighter at several points that said there was even more to the story.

Evan, who had always let his words pour out like Tommy had twisted off the handle, was now self-censoring himself to little more than a trickle.

It was concerning. It made Tommy want to dig, find the splinters that were going to start festering inside him, pull them out before they could turn Evan… well, into him. That was the worst thing Tommy could imagine: open, eager, adorable Evan turning into some sort of Tommy Kinard.

But that wasn't his place. He'd walked away from the job then been reminded the position was better unfilled than with him in it. And maybe that was the first sign, really. Because hadn't that been just the sort of thing he'd say?

Still. He bought another round and hoped Evan might open up a little more, might show the edge of one of those splinters so Tommy could… what? Swoop in with tweezers and pull it loose? Patch him up and kiss it better? Since when did he think he could offer something helpful to Evan that didn't involve access to a helicopter?

And it really didn't help that he'd just thought the phrase ‘kiss it better.’ He already knew his gaze kept dropping to Evan's plush mouth. That didn't mean he was going to make himself a bigger fool than he already had. At some point in his life he'd actually learned a lesson or two. Too bad none of them included getting the hell over Evan Buckley.

So Tommy drank his beer and tried to listen without watching Evan's mouth and letting his internal monologue spin off from ‘what if?’ into ‘why not?’

He did a passable job of it. He managed to tell a few stories about interesting rescues. Kept his eyes on Evan's eyes, not that they were less devastating than his mouth but at least they were the socially accepted place to focus for a guy who'd been firmly moved into the ‘ex’ column.

And then it all fell apart as they stood to leave. Evan was untangling those ridiculously long legs from the rungs of the bar stool and Tommy's hand automatically went to his forearm to steady him.

Which wasn't so bad. That could be a friendly gesture.

But then Evan looked up at him. Tommy's body shifted into autopilot (a thing he didn't even use!) and leaned in, hand still on Evan's arm as his mouth came just millimeters from Evan's.

Tommy jerked back and pasted a smile on his face. “Okay, wow. That was close.” He turned his steadying hold on Evan's arm into an awkward pat and then reached for his wallet. “Sorry about that, habit I guess. I'll take care of the tab. See you around-”

“See me around, Buck?” Evan asked.

Tommy stared at his wallet like pulling out his credit card took monumental concentration. Finally, he slipped the card loose and dropped it on the bar.

Then he looked up at Evan who was staring at him with a sort of wary anger, like it wasn't boiling over just yet but the first bubbles of it were there.

“No,” Tommy answered softly. Too softly, probably, for the bar they were in. “No,” he repeated more audibly. “I'm sorry.”

“What part are you sorry for?” Evan pushed, stepping closer. “C-calling me Buck? Almost… almost kissing me? Or…?”

Tommy's shoulders sagged. “Take your pick, Evan. All of it. I'm sorry for all of it.”

“Y-yeah? Well I'm not. I'm not sorry for what we had, Tommy. I'm not… not sorry for-”

It wasn't autopilot. It wasn't smart. It was deliberate and risky and honestly just stupid but it stopped Evan's winding up rant and it hopefully put paid to any wrong idea Evan had about Tommy's apology being for there ever having been a them.

He closed the small distance Evan had left between them and found his mouth.

It should have been awkward or weird or otherwise wrong. But it wasn't. It was almost as good as that first kiss, the risky gamble Tommy had taken not knowing if Evan was going to freak out or punch him or what.

So, just like that kiss really.

Tommy stepped back. “I'm sorry for a lot of things, Evan. But not that. What we had was one of the best things in my life. I'll never be sorry for that.”

“Then why?”

“Why…?”

“Why aren't we… us?” Evan's eyes glistened, the neon lights behind the bar seeming to catch there. “I wanted us to be.”

It punched the air from Tommy's lungs. “I wanted us to be, too. I… guess we just couldn't seem to want it at the same time.”

Evan turned back to the bar and grabbed his beer, draining the last of it before clunking it back down too hard on the bar. “Yeah. W-wanting me’s a temporary condition.”

Tommy grabbed Evan's arm again, his grip tight as he turned Evan back to face him. “No, it's not. Not for me it's not. Think whatever else you want about me and it's probably true. But I don't think there'll ever be a moment in my life when I'm safe from wanting you.”

And then Evan was kissing him. And not just kissing him, kissing him like Tommy was every good and perfect thing he'd ever wanted, like Tommy was special, like maybe, just maybe, Evan wanted him too.

Then he pulled away and Tommy had to grab the bar edge to keep from stumbling into his bar stool on suddenly shaky legs.

“Three beers,” Evan said.

“What?”

“I've only had three beers and we were here talking for hours.”

“Okay?”

“I'm not drunk. I'm not being stupid, impulsive Buck. I'm not Bucking up again.”

“I didn't think - wouldn't think that,” Tommy answered, still feeling off-kilter and unsteady.

“Come home with me. Or I'll come home with you. And we'll do Saturday and all the Saturdays and we won't… we won't keep letting ourselves…” Evan faltered. “If you meant it, I mean. If you-”

“I do. I mean it. I've never meant anything more.”

“Yeah?” And there was that sunshine smile Tommy remembered, the unclouded one that could melt every icy wall Tommy could throw between them. As long as he kept looking at it; as long as he didn't turn and walk away.

He took Evan's hand. “Yeah.”

“Hey. Do… do you have a shift tomorrow?”

Brushing his thumb along Evan's finger, Tommy shook his head. “Nope. I'm off for the next two days.”

“Me too.”

Tommy had to briefly take his hand back to sign the bill and put his credit card away but then Evan caught it again.

And held it as they walked to the door.

Together.