If the city never sleeps, then that makes two

thinking about how many turns of phrase are christianity-based, and was trying to think of how I'd explain "jesus wept" to someone who hadn't heard it used, and the closest thing I could come up with was "alexa, play despacito"

The best way to fight climate change is to destroy capitalism.

Dashcon is ten this year, right? It was in 2o14?

Shakespeare's "historical" plays? You mean his RPF 🙄

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes

My cousin born in 2000 is a licensed psychologist.

that’s how fucked up our world is now

when you see how expansive other ppl’s music taste is & whenever you share your music you feel like “yeah im obsessed with twinkle twinkle little star rn. the abc’s is so underrated. also i recently discovered baa baa black sheep”

Girl, the meek better start inheriting the earth faster, because what the fuck is this

never beating the nervous prey animal allegations

I teach her how to talk using one of those button systems like that poodle and she just keeps says PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. NEWPORTS. NOW.

i am not my mother and i am not my father but a third worse thing

their daughter

My flight got delayed because they had to put the plane down

hope it went in its sleep peacefully... :((

It started leaking fuel everywhere and slumped over

i will die on the hill that ed sheeran is one of the best in songwriting ESPECIALLY love songs. he has waaaay too many bangers for people to disrespect him the way that they do. put respect in mr. sheeran's name when you utter it

this is so true but also wtf is he doing rn