every inch of my tar black soul

“I needed God to abandon me so I could feel his presence. I need to kill someone inside me.”

“Everything touches me—I see too much, I hear too much, everything demands too much of me.”

She practiced her sadism on me with calm ferocity. Sometimes I can sense such things. Yet even though perceiving them, I often resign myself, as if the person who wishes to cause me suffering needs to see me suffer.

“Am I free? There is some thing still holding me. Or am I holding it?”

There 's a point where despair is a light, a love.

“What I once wanted as a miracle, what I called a miracle, was really a desire for discontinuity and interruption, the desire for an anomaly: I called a miracle exactly that moment in which the true continuous miracle of the process was interrupted. But the neutral goodness of the God is still more appealable than if it were not neutral: to have it all you must do is go, to have it all you must do is ask. And the miracle can be requested, and had, since continuity has interstices that do not discontinue it, the miracle is the note between two notes of music, it is the number between number one and number two. To have it all you have to do is need it. Faith — is knowing you can go and eat the miracle. Hunger, that is what faith is in itself — and needing is my guarantee that to me it will always be given. Needing is my guide.”