Shitposting is Forever

Salem: "You've gone through all this trouble to slay me? That hurts my demon soul."

I am. I was trying to get away from explicit NSFW stuff but was still writing it, a lot of my posts were ripped from other media (I tagged it properly as best I could, but still), and generally I felt like a hypocrite and that I wasn't well liked.

Ruby, after coming back to life and facing her team back in the real world: "So uh... no hard feelings?"

Yang: "You called me a faunus-loving bull dyke who's just like my mom!"

Jaune: "You called me a worthless, bitch-ass nigga!"

Jaune, sitting at the computer: "Man I'm playing badly today."

Ruby, watching from out of camera: .

Chat: "That's what happens when you're distracted from getting blown under the desk."

Jaune: "Nah that happens every stream. Can't focus without it. Say hi honey!"

Ruby: *shoves her fist in her mouth and leans close to the mic* "HEwWo."

Jaune: "I can't believe you're my girlfriend, this is my dream come true!"

Weiss: "Are you sure? I'm afraid that I'm a bit too... freaky, for most people."

Jaune: "Oh my God thank you."

Weiss: "What?"

Jaune: "Nothing. Tell me what you're into."

Weiss: "I want to watch you have sex with your dad."

Jaune: .

-----

Klein, holding the door open: "Good day Sir. Did you enjoy your stay at Schnee Manor?"

Sun: "Weiss is your wife? That's great, she single?"

Jaune: "Hold on I'll check."

Sun: "Thanks man."

- Five minutes later -

Yang: "Hey Vomit Boy," *leans over practically shoving her cleavage in his face* "Do I have something in my teeth?"

Jaune: *staring down* ...

---

Blake: "Excuse me Jaune," *swinging her hips* "I need a man's opinion on this dress."

Jaune: ... *blink* ...

---

Willow: "Oh my!" *touching his chest inappropriately* "Weiss should bring her friends more often."

Weiss: "Mom!"

Jaune: *gritting his teeth*

---

Jaune, sending a text: "Clear your schedule honey. I'm horny and about to make it your problem."

Ms. Goodwitch: "Welcome to Women's History 101."

Yang: *raises hand*

Ms. Goodwitch: "Yes Ms. Xiao-Long?"

Yang: "All I wanna know is who was the first woman to put a dick in her mouth?"

Ms. Goodwitch: "That is not appropriate-"

Yang: "I mean just... so avant-garde! What a pioneer!"

Ruby: "I got you this anime figurine! I hope you like it!

Jaune: "Wow, thanks!"

.

Jaune: "Uh. So, can I wait to jerk off to it, or do I have to do it now?"

Weiss: "You didn't do anything funny with my body while you had it did you!?"

Jaune: "No, I respected your privacy to the best of my ability. I promise."

Weiss: "Oh, well... good. That's good to hear."

...

Jaune: "We can't die here! The only one I've ever had sex with is my babysitter!"

Cinder: "What?"

Jaune left and returned after acquiring the Brother God of Light's power and claiming to have written Remnant's history. He looks much like his rusted knight self.

----------

GK Jaune: "Some threads in time must be cut to be woven properly."

Ruby: "Is that why mom had to die?"

---

Ruby: "I can't believe my best friend made everything!"

GK Jaune: "And you have never been more precious to me."

-------------

Weiss: "You have certainly come far, Jaune."

GK Jaune: "None are more surprised than I."

----

Weiss: "Do you know how alone I was for so long?"

GK Jaune: "I saved every tear you've shed."

----

GK Jaune: "You are far more capable than you think."

Weiss: "Will you still help me run the company?"

--------------

Blake: "Why did I have to suffer prejudice?"

GK Jaune: "Do you really think I would not do my best for you?"

-----

Blake: "There's just too much injustice!"

GK Jaune: "Judging the grand design is not your responsibility."

----

GK Jaune: "You are to be challenged, but never broken."

Blake: "Why is it necessary?"

‐------------

Yang: "Was I supposed to lose my arm!?"

GK Jaune: "I gave you nothing that you cannot overcome."

----

GK Jaune: "I don't ask for worship, but I would like your faith in me."

Yang: "Good, I'm not bowing before Vomit Boy."

--------

Jaune: "I can't believe it! How did this happen?"

GK Jaune: "This twist of fate came from even higher than me."

----

GK Jaune: "Happiness is easier to achieve than you think."

Jaune: "Sometimes, I just don't wanna participate."

-----------

Nora: "You rewrote the universe and didn't even make me prettier."

GK Jaune: "I made you perfect, and you will never not be."

----

Nora: "I love you Jauney, but it's not fair that my parents were killed."

GK Jaune: "You're right Nora, it's not."

----

GK Jaune: "I am glad you and Ren have each other."

Nora: "Did you do that?"

-----------

Ren: "The world is full of lies and deceit."

GK Jaune: "Truth is all there is Ren. It can never be threatened."

---

Ren: "I pray for wisdom."

GK Jaune: "You pray rightly."

---

GK Jaune: "If you must distance yourself, I understand."

Ren: "It is a lot to be accustomed to old friend."

-----------

Pyrrha: "I should have done more to keep you human."

GK Jaune: "Flesh of my flesh. How could I be mad at you?"

----

GK Jaune: "Every passing breeze and singing bird is an ode to your loveliness."

Pyrrha: "I'm gonna cry!"

----

Pyrrha: "I don't suppose you're available?"

GK Jaune: "You need a companion you can relate to."

---------

Sun: "Help a brother out! Do Blake and I date?"

GK Jaune: "She can be happy with you. But you must convince her of that."

----

GK Jaune: "You have handled your lot well, Sun."

Sun: "Ha! Give me more battles!"

----------

Salem: "Who are you? What are you!?"

GK Jaune: "I am who I am."

----

GK Jaune: "Redemption is yours, if you will only accept it."

Salem: "Stay away!"

----

Salem: "Go ahead, strike me down!"

GK Jaune: "You still have time to make that unnecessary."

------------

GK Jaune: "How your beauty makes my heart sing."

Cinder: "You... are serious."

----

Cinder: "I've killed people you love, and I'll do it again!"

GK Jaune: "You have done nothing that cannot be undone."

---

Cinder: "If you're here to stop me, why am I the way I am?"

GK Jaune: "Your fire is meant for cleansing."

-----------

Mercury: "So, what? Am I supposed to call you dad?"

GK Jaune: "The atom in the center of your eye is signed with my name."

----

GK Jaune: "I made billions of hard decisions, Mercury."

Mercury: "Yeah, you still got explaining to do."

----------

Emerald: "I've done a lot of bad things."

GK Jaune: "My heart swells for you all the same."

----

Emerald: "Are there people burning in hell?"

GK Jaune: "Fire is for baptism, not torture and punishment."

----

GK Jaune: "Death is a part of life, not something to fear."

Emerald: "Easy for you to say."

-----------

GK Jaune: "You cannot fathom the depths for which I care for you."

Adam: "You have a strange way of showing it!"

----

Adam: "I have one question. Why."

GK Jaune: "Your story and redemption can bless thousands."

-----------

Ozpin: "Is it worship you want, Jaune?"

GK Jaune: "I want your peace, joy and fulfillment."

----

Ozpin: "How do you handle everyone's complaints?"

GK Jaune: "I listen. With no shame nor condemnation."

----

GK Jaune: "The General must temper his anger."

Yang: "What happened Jaune? You were such a funny guy."

Jaune: *leans in closely*

Yang: .

Jaune: "Penis."

Ruby: "Who's a good boy?"

Jaune: "I am a lot bigger than you."

Ruby: "C'mooon, who's a good boy??"

Jaune: "You're totally bringing down the tough guy vibe I'm going for."

Ruby: *looking up with doe eyes*