Mar 11
Oh gee… I wonder what happened next…
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Oh gee… I wonder what happened next…
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Jacques Schnee: What? Are you insinuating that just because my youngest daughter was born Faunus and could turn into a dragon and I was afraid that this could damage my reputation I abandoned her as a baby on an island miles away from here in the hope that she could be eaten by the local wildlife or a Grimm and made everyone, my own wife and eldest daughter included, think that she died at birth? That’s ridiculous!
*unsubtly gestures that he should run
Four Positions of Ecpertise
Jaune: Uhh...? What are you guys doing?
Mercury: Picking girls positions.
Jaune: ...
Jaune: One of you two better explain what he's talking about before I kill him...
Mercury: Whoa whoa whoa hey?!
Sun: Calm down Jaune. We're just wondering which girls can handle these poses best.
Jaune: What poses?
Neptune: These poses:
Jaune: Uh huw...?
Mercury: So we're wondering, who on team RWBY would best fit each 'skill level.'
Jaune: Skill level...?
Jaune: Well, Ruby would certainly holds beginner. Inexperience as she is...
Neptune: Inexperienced?
Jaune: Weiss is intermediate. She's limber from training, but she's not that skilled.
Neptune: Define, 'skilled.'
Jaune: You may not think it, Blake being a cat, and all. But, she's not an expert. She's not that limber, so Blake's advanced at best.
Sun: How do you know how limber she is?
Jaune: Yang's defiantly an expert, she can easily pull off, I've seen her do it before. I think it's because of how front heavy she is. Her 'girls' are bigger than they look.
Mercury: How do you know how big her 'girls' are?
Jaune: Now as for my teammates... Hmm... Pyrrha's intermediate... She's flexible from all her training, but she just can't hold that pose long when we do it.
Neptune: Pyrrha?!
Mercury: 'When we do it?' W-What's 'it?!'
Jaune: Nora's an expert. She said it's more pleasurable the more you arch your back.
Sun: 'P-Pleasurable'...?
Jaune: Rin is an expert hands down! She can arch her back with ease, all though, it's hard to tell because they're so huge she can't really get into that position.
Neptune: What's huge?
Jaune: Now Cinder's an interesting one. You think she'd be high on the list, but she a beginner at it. She's a braggart, but she has no practical experience. Emerald has some experience, but she's an intermediate. She just not as flexible as her teammate. Now as for her teammate, Neo. Neo is a total expert! She can do the Jack-o pose! Like really do the Jack-o pose! It's so fucking hot.
Mercury: M-My entire team?!
Neptune: The Jack-o pose?!
Sun: I'd pay a lot of money to see that...
Jaune: Coco, and Velvet are an interesting pair... They're both experts. Velvet is the better of the two, she can bend her back a little more than Coco can. But, Coco has more stamina than Velvet does. Which is surprising, you'd think a faunas, a rabbit faunas at that would have more endurance of the two.
Mercury: How do you know about those two?
Neptune: But, isn't Coco gay?
Jaune: Team RWBY's moms aren't like their kids, no they're different.
Neptune: Their moms?!
Jaune: Willow's a beginner. But, that's mostly do to her husband making their 'sex life' as spicy as flour.
Mercury: 'As spicy as flour?' Oh, I like that!
Jaune: Summer, and Raven are between intermediate, and advanced. They're experienced, but not that experienced. That, and they like to be on top.
Sun: On t-t-top...?
Jaune: Now Kali... Kali is an expert~! That is a lady who is the definition of flexible. Granted she does yoga, and that's a common pose for her, but she can pull it off!
Neptune: You've seen Blake's mom in yoga clothes?!
Mercury: That's what you took away from that?
Sun: Her ass in tight yoga pants. Dude, don't you want to see that too?
Mercury: I was just saying...
Neptune: Wait.. does that mean Jaune has...?
Jaune: Salem is a beginner, she told me that Ozma, or Ozpin wasn't that efficient of a lover. The again all they've done was basically vanilla. It makes sense. She was so shocked when I went down on her.
Mercury: You've slept with the Boss?!
Jaune: Ilia is a beginner, she had no experience until recently... But, Eve, oh boy is Eve an expert! Which is surprising that she can pull it off since she so 'top' heavy. Like seriously top heavy... May, may be intermediate because hers are so big she can't really bend down that well, but that's not stopping Eve! Oh boy she's an expert getting down into that pose!
Sun: Ilia? You mean that gay lizard?!
Neptune: Eve, the sister of Blake's ex boyfriend?!
Mercury: Who's May?
Jaune: You've got Reese, now she's a beginner. I think it's because she's a skater, and she has to keep her back straight. She's not used to arching her back like that.
Neptune: Wait, Reese is a girl?
Sun: You didn't know?
Neptune: Did you?
Sun: ...
Sun: Shut up.
Jaune: Her team leader Arslan is advanced. All those martial arts training of her has given a rather limber body.
Mercury: How limber?
Jaune: Then we've got Weiss' older sister Winter. Now she can do the advanced pose, she's trying to become an expert. She likes to be closer so I can pull her hair.
Sun: P-Pull her hair...?!
Jaune: Now Weiss's little sister, Whitney is the best among the four of them! Even though she so top heavy, like seriously she's the youngest, and the biggest of the four! But, she can slide into that position like a glove.
Neptune: Weiss has a little sister?
Jaune: But, one of the best I've been with is Glynda, and Sienna.
SN: Glynda?!
Jaune: Glynda can pull of the expert pose as natural as breathing... It's amazing she can do that when she's so top, and bottom heavy~!
Mercury: They call her her 'Triple G' because of how big her breasts are, but how big is her ass...?
Jaune: But, the best, the absolute best at holding the expert pose positions is Sienna...
Sun: S-S-Sienna?!
Neptune: The leader of the White Fang?!
Mercury: That Sienna Khan?!
Jaune: Now, Glynda may be the picture perfect example of the 'Expert' pose. But, Sienna... Haha~! Sienna is an 'Expert-Pro~!'
SNM: 'Expert-Pro...?'
Jaune: That lady can pull off the Yoruichi Shihōin cat pose like a fish to water~!
SNM: The Yoruichi Shihōin cat pose...?!
Jaune: Oh the cat girl knows how to move her body~! Hehe...
SNM: ...
Jaune: ...
SNM: ...
Jaune: What?
Neptune: H-H-Have you done all of this... Gone through the whole 'position levels...' With all of those as for mentioned women?!
Jaune: Well, not deliberately, but that's the best from what I've seen them do when we've been together.
Mercury: B-But... you've been with all those woman... each, and every one of them...?!
Jaune: Well...
Jaune: I... I didn't mean to brag...
SNM: ...
Jaune: ...
Mercury: YOU ARE A GOD!
Jaune: Uhh... no I'm not...?
Sun: You bastard?!
Jaune: Ahh?!
Neptune: Save some woman for the rest of us you man whore?!
Mercury: Oh right... What do you have so many side bitches you slut!
Jaune: Hey, they chose me, not the other way around!
Neptune: All of them?!
Jaune: Well... most of them...
SNM: ...
Neptune: Jaune... as your friend we'll give you one minute before we kill you~!
Jaune: Oh... How kind of you~! That being said...
Jaune: You'll never take me alive!
SNM: ...
Sun: They'll kill us if touch him, you know?
Mercury: I'm not sure who will kill me first, Cinder, or Neo. And, which one will kill me the slowest...
Neptune: Can we just kick him in the balls a few time at least?
Sun: Oh... that's really going to hurt Jaune though.
Mercury: He's got a shit load of Aura though.
SN: ...
Sun: A few kicks won't hurt...
Neptune: I hope it does.
Every time I remember that one cameo where Miles Luna basically confirmed that Winter tried to take Whitley under her wing the same way she did with Weiss but from a young age Jacques spoke shit to him about his sisters to keep him separated from them and keep him under his control—since he couldn't keep the other two—I get really pissed off. Well, get fucked, asshole, because Whitley turned out to be a great kid even with the manipulation attempts lmao. Two days away from Jacques and instead of thinking about him (like Jacques thought he would, saying that Whitley had likely already contacted his legal team lol) the boy was calling Klein again, coming up with ideas to help Mantle and starting to rebuild his relationships with Weiss and his mother. Not a single thought about him lmao he never truly had any of his kids under his control.
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Scruff’d
The Affect of Finally Getting a Girlfriend
Yang: "Hey Vomit Boy," *leans over practically shoving her cleavage in his face* "Do I have something in my teeth?"
Jaune: *staring down* ...
---
Blake: "Excuse me Jaune," *swinging her hips* "I need a man's opinion on this dress."
Jaune: ... *blink* ...
---
Willow: "Oh my!" *touching his chest inappropriately* "Weiss should bring her friends more often."
Weiss: "Mom!"
Jaune: *gritting his teeth*
---
Jaune, sending a text: "Clear your schedule honey. I'm horny and about to make it your problem."
Pyrrha, looking at the text and pumping her fist: "Yus."
HOT MOMS IN YOUR AREA!!!!!!!