A very long, sad deep dive on the Snow & Regina dynamic, post-everything, for anon
snow and regina are best friends. it’s very weird. nobody really wants to use that phrase around regina lest she fireball them… snow really really wants to use that phrase all the time (this is their whole dynamic lol u don’t need to read the rest of the post)
i would say it happened naturally, but it really didn’t. it happened with a lot of hard work, honesty, effort, dedication to being better from both of them, and then once all of that was done it was natural, it was sort of impossible to be any other way.
because snow and regina have known each other a long time. longer than most people in their family, in their town. and despite everything that happened after, all the tragedy and pain that the adults around them orchestrated, they were once two little girls that should have been friends. little snow idolised regina and looked up to her in every way, the beautiful kind hearted girl who saved her from a horse, and the instinctive bond between them was always there. there was a sisterly relationship there from the start, and i think for regina as a lonely girl with an awful family life, snow was sweet, and refreshing company to have, even if she got in the way sometimes (just like a little sister would).
and then of course everything comes crashing down, and it is snow’s fault but it also isn’t, because at the end of the day she was just a little girl mourning her own mother, who cora knew exactly how to manipulate.
but i think the reason regina never saw it this way was because she too was very young and sheltered and her worldview was totally limited by cora’s abuse: when regina was snow’s age, nothing she did would ever be excused by ‘but i was a child’. at snow’s age, she had to mind everything very carefully because to put one foot wrong was to be punished severely, held 100 percent accountable. i truly believe the reason regina never excused snow for her age is because she was never excused for hers, ever, even as a tiny child, and as a victim of such abuse in such a controlled environment it never would have occurred to her that that was wrong, or even abnormal.
(i believe a big part of regina and snow’s relationship healing was regina’s worldview shifting as she grew and changed and worked on healing herself, because as she reevaluted the things cora taught her, she can see the world and the past events in a whole new light. this is of course, a hard and complex process that regina is still working on, but ultimately she does come to realise snow was a child who meant no wrong, who only wanted to help, regardless of the outcome. which doesn’t make it not her fault, necessarily, but it adds layers she could not accept before)
regina was married to king leopold for a long time. this is something i’ve spoken about before, but it’s still something i think isn’t so well understood, purely because the show didn’t go into it that much (and i believe it didn’t because it would have simply been too dark and uncomfortable for primetime abc. the writers knew the situation they had put themselves in and kept a distance). if snow was about 10 when regina and leopold married, and 18 when he died, that is 8 years. the better part of a decade. that is a long, long time, especially for a grieving, growing, traumatised girl like regina trapped in the most awful environment in which literally every powerful adult around her was brutally using her in one way or another, manipulating and preying on different parts of her trauma, grief and vulnerability. (while her brain was still developing and processing everything that had already happened and she had zero support system, zero outlet for any emotions. like, some of y'all do not understand how fucked up regina is.,, like, think about that. or don’t if you don’t wanna be sad forever)
and all the while, the little girl who caused it all sees nothing wrong! no difference in their relationship, to her! except now she wants to call her mother. (even stepmother is bad enough from a girl no more than 8 years younger than you) and thinking about this stage of their relationship is agonizing to me. regina is at princess snow’s beck and call, and this hurts because despite everything, she still feels some affection for her, that sisterly love did not die clean with daniel. the hatred and the blame and the fury just go along with it now, except she cannot express one bit of it. she has to smile and play dolls with her like everything is fine.
snow truly, for a few years at least, saw nothing wrong, or at least convinced herself nothing was wrong because her worldview as a well loved princess meant she could easily excuse any questionable things she picked up on. and this is something i think she definitely struggles with later, and even way into her healed post everything relationship with regina. (we talk a lot about regina’s guilt and internally never feeling able to atone for it all, but god, snow feels so much guilt for everything regina went through. and i think at some point, they are able to talk about it. not in depth. not in detail. but with very few words, they both understand the depth of meaning and of immense shared pain. regina is not sure what she feels about forgiveness, but she knows she loves snow, and that snow has always loved her. she knows that now they are family, and their time together is lovely, and so she has acceptance at least, if not forgiveness).
i think the moment leopold is dead and snow is out on her own, she starts reconsidering everything. in the last few years she has questioned things a little more, but never let herself really go there, because she has never had to, and why would she when it is so painful? but alone, with her father dead and regina behaving so out of character (or is she, snow wonders), she can’t help but look back without the rose tinted lens of her childhood. she remembers things. regina’s silences and trembles at the breakfast table. the way she was ignored, sidelined, stared at. the dark circles under her eyes. all those times they had been playing, or walking, and regina seemed to be a million miles away, jolted back to earth only by snow’s insistence.
more reluctantly, she thinks about her father and the way he treated her. the way he looked at her. the way he spoke to her (or didn’t). spoke about her. the things he must have done. this is something snow still doesn’t really process for a long time, because snow idolised her father, but eventually she cannot deny he must have hurt her.
and then there’s that episode of season 1 where we get the dialogue 'she thinks i ruined her life’ 'did you?’ 'yes’. i think bandit snow, processing these things, dealing with a lot of new feelings of anger and pain, started putting two and two together. (but i don’t think she fully confronts the real, most awful truth until years later, because she can’t.)
i think ultimately the thing that hurts the most about all they went through when they were basically at war was that deep down, they still cared for each other. 'love never left the room’ and all that. hatred and pain and fury existed too, overwhelmingly, overpoweringly so, but ultimately they grew up together. (it’s just one of them grew up having to 'raise’ the other). they still had memories tined with warmth of horse riding together, walking together.
and so when they do start to heal, (as i believe snow always fiercely hoped they would, deep down), it’s not so much that they have to create a relationship but to rebuild and unearth one that was already there, one that never should have been torn down like it was. of course it’s tentative at first, but snow never once stopped having hope that one day regina would change and they would find their way back into each others lives. and once the trust is back, the feeling of family, of working together for the same goal and being willing to risk everything protecting each other because of circumstance…
once that’s there, it’s the other things that re emerge more softly and slowly.
the coffee at granny’s. first, a little awkward, a little quiet without emma and david and henry to fill the gaps in conversation. but gradually, they realise they have a lot to talk about, a lot of shared opinions in ways that matter and vastly differing opinions in ways that don’t, but are fun to debate.
the parenting advice. the stories regina has to share about henry as a little boy, the grandson whose first ten years snow only ever saw as a school teacher. the way regina helps her learn to care for neal. the passing on to him of henry’s saved onesies and blankets.
the silly jokes that gradually start to form between them, against all odds.
the teaming up against david and emma when they suggest something particularly dumb.
the cooking together! snow is hopeless but enthusiastic, regina is skillful and finds it calming, so it becomes a thing.
the clinking wine glasses at family dinners.
the extreme competition on board game nights.
the hugs at the end of the day, which go from being stiff and quick and awkward with pain and memories caught up in every brush of the fingers, to warm and natural as anything.
the way snow is able to sit down with regina when she is caught up in her own thoughts and issues, and give her rational advice from a far more positive and balanced place than regina’s brain allows her. the way she is able to hold regina’s hand and support her. (it feels like making up for past tragedies. not nearly enough, but it’s something.)
the way regina, equally, is able to keep snow grounded and bring her down to earth when she’s panicking, the way she can simply and efficiently allow her to talk through her worries and daily struggles, give her space to ramble and talk and be, but also to give her to the point, no nonsense, blunt advice that snow needs and rarely gets anywhere else.
the way that somehow, strangely, against all odds, snow beings mothering regina a little, in a weird turnaround of events that feels more right and more balancing than anything else. the way she holds her hand, looks out for her, checks in with her, gives that kind of advice and reflection. because now it’s regina who needs it, and snow who can provide it. because somehow, seamlessly, regina also became her daughter in law, and her relationship with emma is something that brings snow a deep sense of peace, gratitude, warmth. (now regina is truly family in the beautiful way she always was meant to be. now she knows regina and emma will both be cared for, loved, as they deserve. she knows someone will look after regina, someone will ground emma. they will laugh and cry and build a home and life together, a life not too dissimilar from the one with daniel that snow inadvertently stole from regina a long time ago)
i think they do speak about things that have transpired between them, sometimes, when it comes up and one or both of them feel they have to vocalise something. it’s never in front of others, even david and emma. some things are entirely between the two of them, and nobody else will understand, or needs to.
they speak softly, respectfully, giving each other space and quiet validation. sometimes they cry, or get angry, but it’s never really at each other and they both understand this now. sometimes they cry for the girls they were and what was taken from them both. sometimes one or both of them feels or thinks something they cannot speak or say to the other, and they both respect that.
i think they have both apologised. sincerely. and i think they don’t need to go into any detail, really. they both just know.
but they are equals now, entirely. no more titles, no more real power dynamics, despite any maternal/caretaking instincts that snow might feel. they are the equals they were always supposed to be, and the people with the friendship the girls they once were would have wanted.
and they can laugh together. this is the thing that warms my heart most. just thinking of snow and regina laughing together, simply, over some very silly joke that isn’t even that funny.
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