1. The Blood Thirsty Mallard of Malice You played “Duck Hunt” as a child, this omen says it all. When you played, were you merciful in your “innocent”, animated duck hunts? Your ice cream doesn’t seem to think so, and neither do all the surviving digital ducks, they’re coming for you…in all their 8-bit terror. How can you prevent this 80’s throwback horror? I recommend you call the video game raters (ESRB) and demand that they change the Duck Hunt rating from E to M (for intense duck violence and suggestive themes). Good luck my friend.

1. The Spinning Dolphin of Danger - Somehow you have made it on a notorious dolphin’s hit list. Maybe you have been eating non-dolphin safe tunafish, or perhaps you made a shady deal with a sea lion. Whatever you may have done I would lay low for awhile and avoid dolphin shows, especially shows featuring a dolphin named Dolly…

1. The Unicorn of Magic- This omen is simple…you’re a wizard. You may be disappointed to be learning this from a frozen dairy product instead of a large flock of owls or giant man with a Scottish accent. But look on the bright side, your patronus charm is probably sprinkles or cookie dough, that’s way cooler than some lame stag or a wolf. 

1. The Pig Face of Destiny- With a pig for an omen you’re probably thinking of a future full of gluttony and riches, if only it were that simple. This symbol means that you will soon have a strong desire to take a mud bath. During that mud bath a pig will slowly rise from the mud and challenge you to to a game of chess. If you win, then it is your destiny to star in the next Marvel movie as “Chesswoman”. If you lose…then you will keep your current job, as an ice cream photographer. Hint: Use your knights well, pigs always fall for that crap.

The Symbol of The Handle Bar Mustache Man - Have you been feeling manly lately? If so, it must be from the manliness this ice cream omen is putting out. All that masculinity can make one feel invincible. While you are having these invincible feelings you might want to try wrestling a grizzly, you’re guaranteed a win which will automatically grant you queenship over all the forests. It’s an honor to interpret your dairy products…your most powerful majesty.

1.The Symbol of The Blue, Licking Panda - This omen is very common, and it’s not complicated. It means you are about to be licked by a panda bear. This could be life changing, as pandas only do this when they are adopting someone into their tribe…so expect to spend the rest of your days chewing on bamboo and communicating in high pitch squeaks.

2. The Old Woman in The Shower Cap - Tomorrow morning you will wake up with a very intense craving for a long shower…like a REALLY long shower. You’ll stay in theret until not only will your fingers look like prunes but also your face and elbows. Mmmm sounds relaxing.

Flavor: Cotton Candy and Strawberry

1. The Reaching Platypus - You’re reaching for something that is incomprehensible, much like the platypus. Why does it have a bill? Why does it look like a beaver? And what makes it sad? If you can answer these questions, then your incomprehensible mystery also will be solved. 2. The Eagle of Anger: You’re so patriotic that you feel angry. Angry that you can’t live in Lady Liberty’s torch. Angry that you only bleed red without the white and blue. These feelings are not uncommon and here’s how to subdue them: Go to England, wrap an American flag around your neck like a cape, stand on top of Big Ben and yell “We WON!” This will help you with your patriotic anger issues. Heaven bless you….or rather America bless you. 2. The Kiwi of Curiosity: This symbol is very literal. It means you must be curious about what it’s like to own a pet kiwi bird. I don’t know, but you should find out. Send pics.

Flavor: Chocolate Truffle, Cookie dough mix in

1. The Ronald McDonald Smile: The burger-selling clown is in your ice cream. This means your headed down a path of severe indigestion, possibly followed by a Big Mac craving and even more severe indigestion and stomach cramps. Heaven bless you.

2. The Angry Tree: You must have not recycled today. The tree knows, the tree will find you. Perhaps if you hug a local tree hugger you can restore your karma, but things are looking pretty bleak. Expect trees to begin falling through your home shortly. I hope at least your indigestion has passed by then.

1. The Heart: The international symbol of love, which means someone must be loving you internationally…What does that mean? It means you have achieved rockstar status in India. Congratulations. I believe a curry party is in order.

2. The Winking Alien of Seduction: This could mean one of two things. Either some distant extraterrestrial thinks you’re super hot, or… ET is your son. Either one is good news…as long as you love a brown squashy guy who controls your mind.

3. The Angry Flappy Bird: Flappy Bird is coming back, but this time with vengeance. I don’t know what you did to anger the Flappy Bird God, but it’s best you start asking forgiveness or green pipes might start sailing through your house.

1. The Symbol of “The Cow With Incredibly Bad Diarrhea”: While this may appear to be a dastardly omen…it’s not. It actually means you’re about to score something big, really big. And the best part…it’s going to come as a complete surprise. Brace yourself for a joyful surprise.

2. The Great State of New Jersey: They call this state the armpit of America. So does this symbol mean you’re headed there? No, it means you probably have great armpits. Congratulations.