I am God's Oopsie and I intend to live up to my username.
I have embraced the cringe. I have become so cringe that I have returned to being based.
This is where I'm going to post my fanfictions and theories/headcanons, mostly about MHA/BNHA and BG3 and Hazbin Hotel.
And whatever else my two braincells manage to shit out.
THIS BLOG CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!
This whole blog is #check the tags
Link to my AO3
Link to my Twitter
I'm going to post a lot of NSFW shit, browse at your own risk.
Please either be 18+ or lie about your age like I did when I was a minor don't interact on my NSFW posts.
As an adult I am morally obligated to tell minors to not read my NSFW/18+ shit. There, now legally you aren't my concern anymore.
If I post something you don't like, then simply scroll past and/or don't read. I'm not going to argue with people over the internet about stupid shit. Touch grass.
I should really take my own advice and go outside more lmao
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Specifically on how he doesn't look like a typical elf, and how that impacts him mentally.
Iirc, by elven standards he's not considered attractive. And if it weren't for his ears it'd be easy to mistake him for a human. If one looks close enough, his elven features (as seen here and here) are clearly visible- but most people don't bother to look closer.
I imagine he has a lot of complicated feelings surrounding his looks. He knows he is considered attractive by many, but not by his own people('s beauty standards). If it weren't for him being an "oddity" he would have been killed by the Drow. But also- if it weren't for this "oddity", would they have even noticed him and captured him?
He is a gentle man who feels deeply. But his large stature generally makes people want to fight him, or it makes them fear him. Being large also makes people assume his "feelings cannot be harmed." He himself says he trusts people too easily, and I think part of why he does so is because he knows how deeply it hurts to be mistrusted based on ones appearance.
He doesn't seem to like to draw attention to himself, but his large size is a glaring neon sign that causes people to pay attention to him- even in a crowd. Because of his size people automatically look to him for answers, they defer to him because of his stature. He takes charge because of his innate sense of responsibility, but he doesn't like to be the (sole) leader.
He is generally the largest person around. It others him no matter where he goes. Is it any wonder that he never feels at home anywhere?
It isn't until he has cartloads of orphan children, who like him are othered without anywhere to anchor their roots to, that he finally feels settled. In Reithwin no less, the land connected to childhood friend. (I intend to expand upon this idea, but in another post- this one is long enough as it is. Also it's diverges from the main topic. I'll link it here when I post it.)
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Me, when the camera panned to the Emperor casually lounging shirtless in an unholy cross between Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park and "Paint me like one of your French girls." Rose from the Titanic movie:
Tips for enjoying fan spaces, from an old f*cker- Pt. 1: Trolls.
Ship wars nerfing your fun? Stans and antis got you feeling down? Do you just want to consume content about your favorite media without having to worry about people who have the dumbest of takes?
If you answered "Yes" to any of the questions above then boi do I have a guide for you! Learn more under the cut!
Trolls, bad faith arguments, and when to disengage:
What is a troll? A troll is a person who posts their thoughts online (especially in comment sections) with the explicit goal of sowing chaos and earning the ire of other commenters.
Why do they do it? Many reasons: boredom, a lack of positive attention irl, validation, "owning" people (is that term even still in use? Gods I'm old.)
How do we stop them? I don't know when this saying fell out of favor, but it really needs to be brought back: "Don't feed the trolls". Don't engage with them, don't talk to or about them, don't give them what they want (aka don't feed them): attention. The only way to win is not to play.
Trolls often employ bad-faith arguments to lure people into engaging with them based on the erroneous idea that the trolls mind can be changed if presented with the right argument. This is false. They have no intention of having their minds changed.
"But what about people who might read the trolls comments and agree with them, shouldn't we present our arguments so they can see how wrong the troll is!?"
Ahh, my sweet summer child. This is but another tactic employed by the common troll, for it garners them what they want: engagement. You can refute their ideas and claims in an effort to prevent others from falling down their line of thinking. But there is a way to do so without feeding the troll(s).
Calling out misinformation and arguing with the trolls are two separate things, but they look very similar. A good rule of thumb is: if you have 3 or more replies directly to the poster of an inflammatory comment, then you are arguing with the troll. Post once about why they're wrong and then move on. Clarify to those who are asking questions in good faith, but do not engage the troll directly. **This is something that requires your discretion and is not applicable to all situations.**
Don't show your anger or annoyance:
>If the statement is something like: "BTS sucks!!" Move on without engagement. Either they actually believe it or they want BTS stans to swoop in and defend BTS. Replying to them is what they want. Don't feed the trolls.
>If the statement is something like: "The Jews deserved the holocaust." Report their comment, block them, and don't engage. They want moral outrage. Don't feed the trolls.
>If the statement is something like: "The sun revolves around the earth." Drop a link to NASA or make a general reply of "This person is wrong, please looks at facts from a .gov website." Or ignore them. Do not reply further.
>In any and other instances: A simple "Don't feed the trolls." to remind others is generally sufficient.
Roll your eyes and move on. Do not engage. Do not feed the trolls. The only way to win is not to play.
Don't engage with comments that make you upset. Life is too short.
Astarion Headcanons (that you probably WILL like) Pt. 1:
More Astarion headcanons that are mostly me projecting onto a fictional character to help me process my own trauma but this time they're HAPPIER!
BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.
Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.
[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]
Spoiler Warning!
Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings
These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.
He didn't realize how much tension he was carrying until he started healing his trauma.
-> He was inflicted with so much pain on the daily that the tension caused by chronic stress didn't register.
->-> One day he realizes that being tense is no longer his default. He is relaxed in a way he didn't know was possible.
->->-> He feels free. Well and truly free.
He still has panic attacks and flashbacks, but they're lessening in frequency and intensity.
-> Finally being in tune with his body, he is now able to feel when he is getting to a not so great headspace.
->-> He is able to stop the panic attacks/ episodes before they even begin.
->->-> He is very proud of this. As he should be!
↑ He feels actual self-pride and has good self-esteem. What was once a haughty façade is now a proud reality.
-> He's still an arrogant little shit, but now he is one (almost) purely for trolling lmao. He's a high elf after all, snobbery is in their nature.
Restful sleep/ trance!
-> The first time he sleeps/trances through the night day without nightmares or horrific memories plaguing him is a big day for him.
He likes being "alive". Even though he can't enjoy life in the sun (for now). Even with his ever present hunger. For the first time in a long time the good outweighs the bad.
He has hope again. And it almost feels better than freedom, almost.
Angel Dust x Husk is my otp and current obsession. I am not a huge fan of the huskerdust ship name, but that's because I can't fucking talk. Years of speech therapy just defenestrated.
TBH angelhusk sounds too much like Angel Dust for me, so I suppose huskerdust is the lesser of the two evils.
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became hyper-fixated on a fictional 'dead' effeminate man with white hair who's been forced into sex work I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.
Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 3:
Part 1 link
Part 2 link
More Astarion headcanons that are mostly me projecting onto a fictional character to help me process my own trauma!
BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.
Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.
[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]
Spoiler warning
Mental illness, SA, & SH (suicidal ideation) Trigger Warnings: More descriptive and potentially triggering than part 1, but about equal to part 2.
These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or wish.com Cazador.
Have things been going well for awhile? Is he reclaiming his sexuality at an exponential rate? Does he think he's practically conquered his trauma?
-> If you said 'Yes' to any of the questions above, then be ready for: A trigger he didn't know he had hitting him out of no where and setting his mental health on fire.
->-> If he's at a place in his healing journey that he is able to recognize what happening and use his healthy coping tools/ honest communication to process his unexpected emotional (maybe literal) flashback then it'll be a not fun time for him, but he'll get through it fairly quickly with minimal mental damage.
->->-> If this happens closer to the beginning of his healing journey then be ready for him to spiral and catastrophize. He'll insist that he'll never truly be free of Cazador, that he's broken, that he isn't allowed to be happy, etc. All you can really do during this time is be there for him. Reassure him that you love him and that you believe that he will get better.
->↑ This is a normal part of the healing process, it's shitty and God-awful- but it gets easier to manage and happens less frequently over time.
Even if he weren't an immortal vampire he's still a high-elf and will probably outlive you. And boy oh boy the pressure he's going to put himself under to hurry up and heal is going to be immense AND counterproductive!
-> Poor bby is terrified that he'll finally be happy only for it to be ripped away from him.
->-> Him rushing his healing will only make it harder for him to heal, and he knows this. But Gods damn it all he can't seem to shake the feeling that he's running out of time (okay Hamilton).
->->-> I gotta be honest, I have no fucking clue how to help him with this. I suppose that the only thing you can do is love him with the time ya'll have.
->->->-> TBH I can see him deciding that he'll KHS when you die. I know you have the best intentions, but asking him to live for you after your gone will (probably) be perceived as very manipulative.
->↑ I honestly don't think ya'll are going to come to an agreement on this if you're vehemently against the notion. It may be best to make your preference known and then leave the topic alone- as pressing it will only cause him to double down. (After 200 years of not being allowed to make any decisions for himself, he's not going to let anyone tell him how to 'live' or die).
Surviving "200 years of shit, PURE. SHIT!" had to have been exhausting. And healing from trauma is exhausting. All Astarion wants to do is rest but he feels that he can't truly rest until he heals from his trauma and he's so damn tired and has to keep dealing with this shit and he really wants to give up somedays but he'll be damned if he lets Cazador 'win'.
->↑ Healing is hard work. But it is so damn worth it.
I'll go back and edit any grammar and spelling mistakes later, but I'd really like to post this now.
Halsin repeatedly talks about his enhanced sense of smell. In one instance in act three he laments that bears have the best sense of smell of all animals, and that it's unfortunate because they're in an awful-smelling place at that moment.
Druids do not retain benefits of their wildshape in their normal form.
I love this theory, but it could also be a point towards @autistichalsin 's autistic Halsin theory. I have autism and my senses are heightened to the point that things no one else notices bother tf outta me. Perhaps Halsin is trying to find an explanation for his differences from most other humanoids and the bear is the most logical and obvious choice.
Halsin/person of your choice post-canon domesticity kink at Halsin's commune tho. Can we discuss this. Can we discuss Halsin's partner being extremely turned on seeing Halsin shift to a retired house husband
Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 2:
Part 1 link
Part 3 link
More Astarion headcanons! (that are mostly me projecting but with an Astarion flavored twist.)
BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.
Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.
[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]
Spoiler warning
Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings: I cannot stress these enough this post is much more descriptive and potentially triggering than part one was.
These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.
I hope you're ready for abrupt mood swings.
--- One minute he's codependent and can't make a decision on his own because he's overwhelmed, the next he's hyper-independent and will take offense at any suggestion you make.
----- Astarion is aware that staying in either of the two extremes is unhealthy and would eventually lead him to acting like Cazador.
^ This ties into point two: You need walk the fine line between patient and understanding while he processes "200 years of Shit. PURE SHIT!". And at the same time you need to be firm in your own boundaries with how you allow him to treat you.
--- He's gone 200 years without autonomy and has no memory of what life was like before Cazador turned him. He has no frame of reference other than romance novels and watching couples interact with each other from afar.
-----TBH the best thing for him is to stay in regular contact with Halsin. The man has the same flavor as trauma as Astarion while also having strong boundaries and open honest/ healthy communication in his relationships. He can unjudgementally help Astarion navigate the pitfalls of his healing journey through first hand experience.
Plus Ultra Catholic levels of guilt.
--- Guilt for what he did while he was a spawn. Guilt for how he started his relationship with you (even after you've told him you forgive him multiple times). Guilt for how he lashes out at the one person who has shown him unconditional love (you). Guilt because he feels like he's dragging you down into his darkness and tainting you. Guilt because he fears he's pulling you down to bring himself up. Guilt for feeling guilty because it doesn't absolve him of his sins and makes healing harder.
Self-esteem issues
--- He was SA'd for 200 years, he was forced into prostitution, he was tortured in every conceivable way, he was made to do reprehensible things and learned to find "joy" in them because he would've lost all of himself and his humanity otherwise.
------ His inner saboteur (who sounds like Cazador and himself simultaneously- adding to his self hate) tells him that he is disgusting, wrong, filthy, a burden, unlovable, undeserving of happiness, a monster.
------- Like everything else these thoughts will become less frequent and easier for him to handle as time goes on. All you can do is love him while he self-flagellates and hates himself. One day he'll see himself as you see him.
^ Tying into all the points above, especially the one right before this one. You're going to feel useless. Most of the time all you can do is demonstrate your love for him and sit there with him while he is bombarded with years of repressed feelings forcing their way out.
--- In the beginning your attempts to help him will frequently seem to have the opposite of their intended effect.
----- It's important that you be honest with him about how you're doing mentally. It does him no favors if you set yourself on fire to keep him warm.
------- You'll be angry on his behalf and can't exact revenge.
--------- That being said you are helping him so much more than you think you are. I cannot express in words how much just being there while Astarion slogs through the painful process of healing will help him.
^ ALL of these will get less intense and easier to deal with in time. He will heal and move on from his horrid past. But, it will involve a lot of trial and error. He will have periods of exponential growth followed by a hard backslide in progress. But he will get there.
I wouldn't say that loving Astarion is hard, but it does involve conscious effort on both his and your parts.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I just want to say how proud I am of the Halsin fan corner of the fandom for being so supportive and encouraging to survivors. It's really heartening to see and I appreciate all of you so much for it. <3
I get frustrated a bit when I hear people say that Astarion isn't okay with the Astarion x PC x Halsin relationship and only says yes to make the PC happy or so he doesn't lose the PC.
I just don't think that Larian (and Neil Newbon) would build an entire storyline for this character about being a SA survivor and then turn around and invalidate all of it just to do a 'hehehe you can also kiss Bear Daddy' thing.
Astarion does ask if you're interested in Halsin because at that point the two of you haven't slept together in a while. And he does seem genuinely worried when he asks. But when you reassure him that isn't the case and nothing will change between you, he's okay with it.
A huge aspect of Astarion's character growth is him coming to understand he has agency and value as a person. And not just agency and choice in the bigger picture sense, but also how he chooses to use his body.
By the point Halsin propositions you in Act 3, Astarion has asked the PC to refrain from sex because he's not comfortable doing it for the time being. The PC can even tell him in Act 2 that they don't have to have sex for as long as he needs. (Which I take to mean possibly forever.) The point is the emotional relationship is more important than the physical one. You've demonstrated through action in the drow scene, and possibly straight up told him afterward, that you don't expect him to do things he doesn't want to do. That you respect his agency. And he seems to both get and embrace that message.
This is a huge step for Astarion, who was forced to use his body and sexuality in service to another for 200 years. That trauma doesn't go away overnight, but I just feel like if he's confident and comfortable enough in his relationship to ask to refrain from sex, and trust that the PC will respect his choice, he would be confident enough to tell them if he truly wasn't okay with them being with Halsin.
I personally see this as him pushing past his own boundaries in fear of losing Tav, but that is something he has to figure out through trial and error.
I learned similar lessons first hand.
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