this is nothing like it was in my room

boygenius

This line. Mads, I'm gonna need you to be a worse actor for a second, ok bud? Because what. The look of betrayal on his face. The way his lip curls like a dog ready to bare its teeth. Lump in his throat. Swallowing back tears that were never supposed to see the light of someone elses eyes. Almost disgusted at himself for not only entertaining the idea of letting Will see inside of him, but actively giving him the looking glass and saying, "Here. This is me in all of my depravity."

He specifically says "I let you know me." He gave permission. Encouraged it. He wanted it. It's the human in him getting sedated. Put down. Bad dog or whatever.

This guy drives me insane because he knows what he is. Knows that what he does is "the most disgusting thing in the world" to others. But then some twitchy man is placed in his field of vision, and being the hawk he is, zeros in on him. For as smart as he is, as strategic and deadly, he still feels deeply. Maybe not in the same way Will does (obviously) but he still hopes. Still yearns. If he was devoted to a god he would've probably prayed about it to. But he didn't need a god. Didn't want one to confide in. He was fine on his own. Until Will.

I'm sure that he sees Will as some form of otherworldly light. Dark. Grey area. Whatever the vapid space between stars is called, he sees that in Will. That is Will.

Giving into human desires is beneath him. And yet he let his perfectly curated human suit be unraveled because he finally met the one person who could understand him. Finally met the person who he could hold a mirror to and see bits of himself in the reflection. And that mirror got shattered like a teacup. Seven years of bad luck or something.

Betrayal is an ache deep in your gut. Feels like your organs are being ripped out of you just like the rug beneath your feet. And you can only think about how foolish you were for wanting anything in the first place. Disappointment requires expectation and good lord was that man close to his own heaven on earth. An alter he would worship without prying eyes. A love that would shelter him. Cut him and hold pressure to the wound.

@thechandraraj why would you do this to him