mister mysterious

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

One good thing about catholicism is the amount of bones. Another good thing is the not inconsiderable amount of those bones which are bedazzled

Honestly this is one of the best formatted jokes of all time.

Invader Zim was an unparalleled media experience. Some alien nearly destroys his planet so he’s banished to be a fast food worker. He decides to stop being banished when he hears he can destroy more stuff so they send him to the far reaches of space on a false mission so he dies but earth is there. He decides to collect information on the planet to collect its weaknesses by going to public school. The only people who can see through his disguise are a neglected rich kid 12 year old obsessed with Mothman and his gamer girl sister. Both the siblings are goth. The Mothman kid is the only one interested in stopping the alien but not out of any moral obligation or anything but for that sweet sweet daddy’s love. One time the Mothman kid got a therapist who killed the previous therapist and took his place, and this is a d-plot within the episode at best. The flagship brand of soda in the universe is called poop cola. There was an episode about how Zims entire alien race is more machine than human, and their entire being is contained in the little metal backpacks that are attached to them at all times, and their bodies are more things to carry these PAKS around and if they were to detach they would die while the PAK would attach to the nearest creature, overwrite their mind and kill them. This episode was cancelled to make the Christmas special. Gir is there.

my nails are so long I keep chipping them HELP

it’s so fucking embarrassing to find a conventionally attractive man attractive every time it happens. like oh you think the handsome man is handsome? you find the attractive guy attractive? derivative. passé. pedestrian

If you don’t have actual wings to escape Crete with your son, home-made is fine

No It Isn’t

we justifiably give Biden a lot of shit but I think "at least 3" is the funniest possible response to some right wing dipshit asking you how many genders there are