knowbyhart:
she wears a small smirk, showing as much bravery as she’s allowing herself to have. “and maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world if they think that…” in a perfect world, they’d all be sitting down and announcing them as an official couple, but seeing as they live in reality, they’re going to have to settle for the assumptions. their family isn’t dumb. they’re going to see through maya’s wording, through everything she’s trying to put on the table just like josh is, and she’s still going to prefer ignorance over the blatant transparency josh is proposing. they have their own hidden life right now. they have the safety behind his walls, and nearly an adult or not, her parents aren’t going to be ecstatic with how much time she spends in josh’s apartment once they’re aware. there will be questions, comments, prying eyes that they’re free of right now. every ounce of her is screaming to take it back. laugh it off, act as if she was joking, but that’s worse than passing their relationship as anything but that- which she’s already trying to do. “it’s going to be a big change, and this is going to set it off, and that’s terrifying to me. in my brain… we know how we feel and we have this amazing thing going on, so why would we do anything to change that?” that’s not how his brain works, though, and he would’ve called maya his girlfriend before thanksgiving if it were up to him. “i appreciate how patient you’ve been with me on this, josh. this is a step toward what you want, and as scared as i am, i know that you’re going to be right there, so i can suck up wanting this- wanting you- all to myself.” she’s not ready to put it all out there, but she’s trying and hopefully josh can see that. her eyes roll on their own accord. of course, josh doesn’t see what a kind gesture it was not to bleed shawn’s favorite bottle dry. she sticks out her tongue and pokes at his chest. “just admit you’re a goody goody and move on, matthews. it’s not a secret.” it’s out of love and concern, just like it is when any other member of his family discourages a behavior that’s a little too old maya for what she has going for her, but she knows when to come back. sneaking some whisky because it’s all they have in the cabinet or skipping a class she can afford to miss to nap isn’t going to stop just because she’s with the older boy. (…and his nearly legal status is always a perk if she ever wants to talk her way into her own stash of something that she won’t get grounded for taking because josh is absolutely the type to prefer her drinking with him rather than off with other dumb teenagers.) plus, she’s knows that it makes the difference at the end of the day that she’s not doing it to prove anything to anyone, only simply because she wants to and has fun. “you are!” she argues, a yelped laugh let out when she feels the pinch. she points accusingly to his hand, “that is evidence!” maya has always been more physical, preferring that to the emotional side of things, and josh knows that better than anyone. even when he finally kissed her, it was after she had sat herself in his lap. when in the same room, she and riley seem to need to be touching in some way. when she’s tired, her head easily finds farkle or zay’s shoulder to lay on. lucas is her go to for piggyback rides. even with benny, despite being newest, she will drape herself across his body dramatically to annoy him when he steals her spot on the couch or rests against her favorite pillow on her bed. the same applies in romantic relationships as well. maya is quick to hold hands, to kiss first, to trace her fingers along biceps when she wants attention. it comes naturally, a blessing and a curse because it’s easy for her body to get ahead of what her mind knows is the appropriate response. “no, it’s just annoying,” she informs him. “you’re gonna feel really dumb when the truth comes out that you’re more than good enough for me, and all i am going to do is laugh at you.” she doesn’t know what is getting into josh when he kisses her so passionately- in public, of all places- but she’s definitely not complaining, returning the gesture full force, and her hands curl into his shirt from where she braced herself after being pulled in. she’s not sure if she should bask in the burst of affection or question in, ready to do the latter before his words make everything still. the girl i love. maya had called him the boy she loves, declared how strongly she feels without even realizing, and he’s returning those emotions. the girl he loves, she grins to herself. it’s no secret. she has known about this, and yet her heart hums from her chest. “say that again.” she almost wants to add fifty times or in french for old times sake, but instead she’s laughing because he’s a dork. god, he’s such a dork, and she can only shake her head because she is absolutely awestruck she is that he’s actually in front of her, actually loving her. “only you would make a date out of asking me out…”
he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself, but, hell, how can he not? “if they what now?” he asks, even though he knows, because he wants to hear her say it. josh reaches out to pinch her in the side, gently this time, so she knows she doesn’t have to answer. he’s joking but he also isn’t, and it’s nothing new. maya knows how ready he is for them to be together, to be dating, to have everyone they love know that they’re in love. he’s not being the most patient and for that, maybe he’s kind of an ass, but for years she’s didn’t believe he would ever get to this point. maybe she’s even enjoying being the one who makes him wait. she can be very sadistic. and, though he would never admit it to her, he does see the benefits of what they have now. much as he hates the idea of sneaking around, it does afford a certain sense of privacy that they may never reclaim once their families know the truth. “i only care because my family is important to me and it’s hard for me to feel like i’m lying to them. and...when you really really like somebody, you just want to yell about it, to everyone. i mean, i do, at least. you don’t have to--we don’t have to. it’s hard not talking about you, though, with my parents. when they ask me what i’ve been up to, i just want to tell them about all of the recipes we’ve butchered and complain about how you totally mess up the pillow coordination i have going on the couch and that i’m suddenly drumming on my thighs all the time because my hand feels empty when yours isn’t in it. but instead, i say, ‘just school and work. boring.’” and it’s fine. it is fine. he just wants to talk about her all the time and he can’t talk about her with anyone who isn’t...well, her. when she comes up naturally in conversation he has to quiet his heart, pretend the long game is still in the planning stages. “hey, whenever you want me, you got me.” another word for this feeling is whipped, but sure, why not? who wouldn’t be, she’s maya goddamn hart. hunter. and thinking of shawn does have a way of making him suddenly more patient.
“if it’s not a secret, then i don’t see why i have to admit to anything.” maya has never been the troublemaker she’s made out to be. does she love rules? no, but she has always had a kind heart, and a moral compass that keeps her from doing worse things. when they were younger, he did consider her to be something of a terror, but that’s because he was always been a stickler for the way things are intended to be and she has always challenged him in that belief. “i’m only doing it to mess with you,” he says, then completely invalidates his own argument by putting his hands on her waist and pulling her closer. josh still doesn’t think he’s handsy, as a person. he just wants as much of her as he can get at all times. their chemistry has always been undeniable, but that’s the thing, he’s had to deny it. and now that he can touch her, it seems impossible not to. or, at least, like he’d be an idiot not to take every opportunity. and not in a gross way, not even in an overtly romantic way. sometimes it’s more intimate than it is sexual -- his fingers brushing her wrist, her hand supporting her elbow when she gets up, or on the small of her back when she needs guidance. they’ve always had that closeness of knowledge, of knowing each other inside and out, and now they’ve simply added the physicality. “if that takes years, then i’m already going to argue it’s because i’ve changed. i fully plan to grow into the guy who deserves you, i just need a little more time.” but he doesn’t regret being with her now, if anything, he regrets not being with her sooner. even when he really didn’t deserve her. he would have shaped up in an instant, given the opportunity. “la fille que j'aime?” he tries, because it’s easier than saying it fifty more times, though he has no doubt that he will. even if she hadn’t asked him to say it in french, he’s thinking it, she must be thinking it too. sometimes josh wants to kick his past self in the ass, but at least he’d said a few things right. at least they’d always have those older moments, markers in time, fond recollections. most of them fond, anyways. “i don’t want to forget,” he says innocently, as if he could ever. “i’m afraid i’ll get too distracted, thinking about how much you love me.”













