he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself, but, hell, how can he not? “if they what now?” he asks, even though he knows, because he wants to hear her say it. josh reaches out to pinch her in the side, gently this time, so she knows she doesn’t have to answer. he’s joking but he also isn’t, and it’s nothing new. maya knows how ready he is for them to be together, to be dating, to have everyone they love know that they’re in love. he’s not being the most patient and for that, maybe he’s kind of an ass, but for years she’s didn’t believe he would ever get to this point. maybe she’s even enjoying being the one who makes him wait. she can be very sadistic. and, though he would never admit it to her, he does see the benefits of what they have now. much as he hates the idea of sneaking around, it does afford a certain sense of privacy that they may never reclaim once their families know the truth. “i only care because my family is important to me and it’s hard for me to feel like i’m lying to them. and…when you really really like somebody, you just want to yell about it, to everyone. i mean, i do, at least. you don’t have to–we don’t have to. it’s hard not talking about you, though, with my parents. when they ask me what i’ve been up to, i just want to tell them about all of the recipes we’ve butchered and complain about how you totally mess up the pillow coordination i have going on the couch and that i’m suddenly drumming on my thighs all the time because my hand feels empty when yours isn’t in it. but instead, i say, ‘just school and work. boring.’” and it’s fine. it is fine. he just wants to talk about her all the time and he can’t talk about her with anyone who isn’t…well, her. when she comes up naturally in conversation he has to quiet his heart, pretend the long game is still in the planning stages. “hey, whenever you want me, you got me.” another word for this feeling is whipped, but sure, why not? who wouldn’t be, she’s maya goddamn hart. hunter. and thinking of shawn does have a way of making him suddenly more patient. 

“if it’s not a secret, then i don’t see why i have to admit to anything.” maya has never been the troublemaker she’s made out to be. does she love rules? no, but she has always had a kind heart, and a moral compass that keeps her from doing worse things. when they were younger, he did consider her to be something of a terror, but that’s because he was always been a stickler for the way things are intended to be and she has always challenged him in that belief. “i’m only doing it to mess with you,” he says, then completely invalidates his own argument by putting his hands on her waist and pulling her closer. josh still doesn’t think he’s handsy, as a person. he just wants as much of her as he can get at all times. their chemistry has always been undeniable, but that’s the thing, he’s had to deny it. and now that he can touch her, it seems impossible not to. or, at least, like he’d be an idiot not to take every opportunity. and not in a gross way, not even in an overtly romantic way. sometimes it’s more intimate than it is sexual – his fingers brushing her wrist, her hand supporting her elbow when she gets up, or on the small of her back when she needs guidance. they’ve always had that closeness of knowledge, of knowing each other inside and out, and now they’ve simply added the physicality. “if that takes years, then i’m already going to argue it’s because i’ve changed. i fully plan to grow into the guy who deserves you, i just need a little more time.” but he doesn’t regret being with her now, if anything, he regrets not being with her sooner. even when he really didn’t deserve her. he would have shaped up in an instant, given the opportunity. “la fille que j'aime?” he tries, because it’s easier than saying it fifty more times, though he has no doubt that he will. even if she hadn’t asked him to say it in french, he’s thinking it, she must be thinking it too. sometimes josh wants to kick his past self in the ass, but at least he’d said a few things right. at least they’d always have those older moments, markers in time, fond recollections. most of them fond, anyways. “i don’t want to forget,” he says innocently, as if he could ever. “i’m afraid i’ll get too distracted, thinking about how much you love me.”

she chuckles at him, her tongue caught between her teeth momentarily before she answers as boldly as she is sure he expects from her, “that we’re going steady, boing. we wouldn’t want them to find out simply by the wedding invites.” the concept of exposing their love affair does get far less terrifying the more they discuss it, but she can’t tell if it’s because it’s actually being processed in a healthy way or if she’s just so wrapped up in her josh and me against the world can handle anything! mindset that they’re truly untouchable at this point. maya takes a breath, her expression serious and calm so that she can portray to him that she means what she’s sharing. “i don’t ever want you to feel like i don’t realize how hard this is for you.” his family is the most important thing to him. for the longest time- hell, even now, she wants to be right up there with them, and she sometimes is vain enough to feel as if she is. she needs him to know that she understands what it means that he’s putting their relationship above open communication with his parents. “and soon you can tell them all about us and how perfect you think i am.” it’s that simple, she decides, right between his rambling about his pillow coordination and his hand feeling empty because she loves him. she loves him so fucking much and this is something he really wants, so she’s going to give it to him. it’s oddly humbling to be this horrified. maya isn’t one to be so openly scared of something, usually bluffing her way into situations over her head and touching her way out because hart women are cut from a very strong cloth. she knows that she isn’t doing it alone, though. she has josh, has his heart and his support, and he’ll be beside her through it all. “we can tell them all about us, and there will be no more lying.” she scrunches her nose and raises her fingers to pinch at the air. “okay, perhaps a little lying for us to sneak around because secret bathroom makeout sessions are hot, but i don’t think your parents are missing out if they’re left in the dark on that one.” 

“maybe i just wanna hear you say it.” she flashes a cheeky grin. sometimes, she wonders what it would’ve been like if they’d been rebellious teenagers at the same time. she doesn’t let her mind wander there often, but the few times it does? she really doesn’t know if she can see josh doing the things she finds herself doing. she can’t picture him shotgunning beers on a saturday night a handful of hours before the sun rises. she can’t see him hitting a joint from a stranger outside the venue of an indie concert he snuck out to see because seventeen year old josh was getting into college while seventeen year old maya spent her birthday weekend in the city being irresponsible. her biggest fear is that they wouldn’t be the same type of teenager had they been raised in the same place at the same time; that they wouldn’t find each other. that’s the danger in imagining these things, though. the possibilities would eat her alive if she let them. she knows that eventually, in every timeline, they would wind up together, but it’s hard to think that if what would’ve been stopping them now didn’t cloud their minds, they still would’ve been waiting. “you said it in french,” she says breathlessly, mostly to herself. she didn’t even have to make the dumb nostalgic request, he said it without prompt, a reference to one of the most vulnerable moments they’d ever shared. it was the beginning of all of this, in a way. where his feelings came to light, and where she fully confirmed hers. he agreed to the long game at that lodge, and as traumatizing as some of her friends and most of the adults she knows find that place, it’ll always be somewhere she will smile on because it’s an important milestone in her and josh’s story. “i do love you,” she shamelessly agrees, beaming up at him. her original mindset of teasing him tossed aside when he repeated his words back to her in a foreign language. “i’m going to love you for the rest of my life, i think. how terrifying is that?” only mildly, if she’s being honest, but she likes to turn up the dramatics to his face. “i love you more than i know what to do with, then you do something cute like say that i’m who you love in french and i love you even more. and-” she huffs out a little laugh, giddy and pure, “you’re not even my boyfriend yet.”

“aw, you remember my name, i’m touched.” missy had a way of making a memorable impression and she knew maya of all people wouldn’t be forgetting her any time soon. “if you don’t want people knowing you’re stupid, you probably shouldn’t be freaking out about it in public. hasn’t anyone else told you that looks aren’t everything?” she didn’t even fully believe that herself, because if her life had taught her anything, it was that money and a pretty face got you pretty much anywhere. except out of this fucking town, apparently. after the first month, she’d stopped counting, so she didn’t even know how to answer the question. “does it matter? i do now. and it doesn’t look like that’s changing any time soon, so i hope you missed me.”

“well, someone that can raise that much hell at twelve deserves at least a gold star for effort...” she mutters back, brushing it off with a forced smile. “not usually how it works for baked goods, but if anyone i know needs an inner beauty confidence boost, i’ll make sure to send them your way.” or definitely not because missy clearly hadn’t had an attitude adjustment in nearly half a decade. “i can’t say that i did, but it already almost feels like you never left.” the throbbing in her head is back, the aura of a bulldozer glowing radiantly around missy’s form- hell, at least lucas is finally single. that could potentially be funnier to watch this time around without a cowboy crazy riley to wrangle. 

he knows what she means, he’s not trying to be annoying, it just doesn’t feel like the truth. exploring it, as if there’s multiple endings for them. then again, nothing they could tell their families now would feel completely truthful to him. he already knows what’s going to happen – his father is going to pull him aside after dinner and tell him to be sure he’s sure, because maya isn’t just any girl, and josh will immediately promise that he is sure. and then his mother will do the same thing, but she knows more than his father does, as always. she’ll tell him that she’s happy they’re finally doing it and he’ll agree. but if there’s anyone he’s in danger of admitting the depths of his feelings to, it’s cory, and he still has time before that confrontation. maya, the one girl cory will admit is just as special as topanga. yeah, he’d be an idiot if he ever let her go. “my parents are old fashioned, you know. they’ll assume you’re my girlfriend,” he teases, as if he’s not still a little hurt that she’s not, or won’t admit that she is. because if not, what would be call her? more than a friend? a non-platonic best friend? somehow, that’s what they’ve been for the last few years, in feeling alone. “right,” he agrees, lies, because his parents may be old, but they’re not oblivious. he has a feeling maya’s parents know even more than his, if only because maya’s always been so much more outspoken about her feelings. but then again, that was years ago, and she was just dating someone else. so maybe to them, it will be surprising, because they thought something had changed. josh thinks he knows how his parents will react, but he could be wrong. he just doesn’t want to worry about that, he wants telling them to be a good thing, something that makes everybody happy. josh can’t understand why she’s still holding off on the label, but not this, because involving other people means applying labels, it means their parents will ask questions and expect answers that they might not have yet. and he’s not going to call maya his girlfriend without her permission, at least not on purpose. “i’m not saying i don’t trust shawn, because i obviously do, but i think telling him puts a clock on us telling everybody else. because he either won’t want to or won’t be able to keep it from cory.” is that what you want? he thinks, but doesn’t ask. he’s sure maya is aware, but he wants to say it aloud, for it to be known that they both know. “even if we all plan out something specific. especially if the group plan is, like, ‘wait a week!’ or something.” the holidays are, obviously, coming up, and while christmas is easily his favorite time of the year, he has a feeling it’s going to be a little bit tense this year. “that’s not as reassuring as you think it is, maya.” a sentence that applied to many things concerning maya hart’s behavior. josh has never been considered the wet blanket around his friends, but it’s just…different with maya. it’s not that he doesn’t trust her to take care of herself or make good decisions. it’s just that he cares more about her wellbeing than anyone else’s. “i don’t want to be the one who stops you from doing things, i want you to…make the right choices because you surround yourself with good influences. me being one of them.” as far as josh knows, maya’s friends are all responsible types, but she must have less close friends who want to do the normal stupid teenage bullshit with her. if they exist, he assumes he’ll meet them eventually. he’s nearly 21 now, and though drinking is really not a huge interest of his, he’d rather she do it around him than anyone else. he rolls his eyes before pinching her in the side, knowing she’ll jump and inadvertently end up even closer to him. “right, i’m the handsy one.” despite saying that, he’s actually actively trying not to think about that, because…well, he doesn’t wanna know why she’s like that or if she always has been or who else she’s been handsy with but mostly it’s because he makes a concentrated effort not to be too physical, which is easier said than done, but thankfully he’s extremely strong-willed. it’s not surprising when she takes what he said too seriously, but he doesn’t have anything more reassuring to say than he usually does. which he knows isn’t what she wants to hear, but she also wants honesty, and she can’t have both. “if i think nobody’s good enough for you, that’s not even self-deprecating. it’s not like somebody else out there is. maybe i’m the least not good enough. and i’m sure you’ve heard dumber things…” he trails off, only half-thinking about the words leaving his mouth. the boy that i love. the boy she loves? but he’s not even her boyfriend. and yes, it’s stupid to get stuck on labels, to get caught up in something as stupid as a term of endearment, essentially, when he knows he has her heart, when she blurts it out so easily without hesitation, without even noticing. but still. he wants the term. but he has what’s most important and everything else, all the other terms that will inevitable follow in their wake, will fall into place when the time is right. he doesn’t say anything else, he just pulls her into him and puts his forehead to hers, leaning in until their noses align, touch, and then their lips. his hand comes up to cup the side of her face, his thumb running along her jaw and then his fingers are in her hair and okay maybe when they walked into the store he didn’t expect to have his tongue in her mouth before they left but it’s her fault. he’s know, felt, that she loves him, in large part because he loves her, too. and remembering this, or more accurately, remembering that he hasn’t said it to her yet, he breaks the kiss, only for his lips to immediately move to her chin, under her jaw, and against her skin he says, “you do deserve it.” he kisses her jawline one last time before pulling back so she can see him, and he can see her, and he smiles when he says, “the girl i love is so touchy.” god, he just wants to kiss her again. if he can kiss her every day until he dies, he’ll easily die happy. and it’s then that he realizes, duh, the label is the least important part. and when it comes to words, those four letters have so much more weight than boyfriend. “good. it’s a date. oops, did i say that?”

she wears a small smirk, showing as much bravery as she’s allowing herself to have. “and maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world if they think that…” in a perfect world, they’d all be sitting down and announcing them as an official couple, but seeing as they live in reality, they’re going to have to settle for the assumptions. their family isn’t dumb. they’re going to see through maya’s wording, through everything she’s trying to put on the table just like josh is, and she’s still going to prefer ignorance over the blatant transparency josh is proposing. they have their own hidden life right now. they have the safety behind his walls, and nearly an adult or not, her parents aren’t going to be ecstatic with how much time she spends in josh’s apartment once they’re aware. there will be questions, comments, prying eyes that they’re free of right now. every ounce of her is screaming to take it back. laugh it off, act as if she was joking, but that’s worse than passing their relationship as anything but that- which she’s already trying to do. “it’s going to be a big change, and this is going to set it off, and that’s terrifying to me. in my brain… we know how we feel and we have this amazing thing going on, so why would we do anything to change that?” that’s not how his brain works, though, and he would’ve called maya his girlfriend before thanksgiving if it were up to him. “i appreciate how patient you’ve been with me on this, josh. this is a step toward what you want, and as scared as i am, i know that you’re going to be right there, so i can suck up wanting this- wanting you- all to myself.” she’s not ready to put it all out there, but she’s trying and hopefully josh can see that. her eyes roll on their own accord. of course, josh doesn’t see what a kind gesture it was not to bleed shawn’s favorite bottle dry. she sticks out her tongue and pokes at his chest. “just admit you’re a goody goody and move on, matthews. it’s not a secret.” it’s out of love and concern, just like it is when any other member of his family discourages a behavior that’s a little too old maya for what she has going for her, but she knows when to come back. sneaking some whisky because it’s all they have in the cabinet or skipping a class she can afford to miss to nap isn’t going to stop just because she’s with the older boy. (...and his nearly legal status is always a perk if she ever wants to talk her way into her own stash of something that she won’t get grounded for taking because josh is absolutely the type to prefer her drinking with him rather than off with other dumb teenagers.) plus, she’s knows that it makes the difference at the end of the day that she’s not doing it to prove anything to anyone, only simply because she wants to and has fun. “you are!” she argues, a yelped laugh let out when she feels the pinch. she points accusingly to his hand, “that is evidence!” maya has always been more physical, preferring that to the emotional side of things, and josh knows that better than anyone. even when he finally kissed her, it was after she had sat herself in his lap. when in the same room, she and riley seem to need to be touching in some way. when she’s tired, her head easily finds farkle or zay’s shoulder to lay on. lucas is her go to for piggyback rides. even with benny, despite being newest, she will drape herself across his body dramatically to annoy him when he steals her spot on the couch or rests against her favorite pillow on her bed. the same applies in romantic relationships as well. maya is quick to hold hands, to kiss first, to trace her fingers along biceps when she wants attention. it comes naturally, a blessing and a curse because it’s easy for her body to get ahead of what her mind knows is the appropriate response. “no, it’s just annoying,” she informs him. “you’re gonna feel really dumb when the truth comes out that you’re more than good enough for me, and all i am going to do is laugh at you.” she doesn’t know what is getting into josh when he kisses her so passionately- in public, of all places- but she’s definitely not complaining, returning the gesture full force, and her hands curl into his shirt from where she braced herself after being pulled in. she’s not sure if she should bask in the burst of affection or question in, ready to do the latter before his words make everything still. the girl i love. maya had called him the boy she loves, declared how strongly she feels without even realizing, and he’s returning those emotions. the girl he loves, she grins to herself. it’s no secret. she has known about this, and yet her heart hums from her chest. “say that again.” she almost wants to add fifty times or in french for old times sake, but instead she’s laughing because he’s a dork. god, he’s such a dork, and she can only shake her head because she is absolutely awestruck she is that he’s actually in front of her, actually loving her. “only you would make a date out of asking me out…”

maya stares at the door handle of riley’s bedroom, her hand wrapped around it as she debates the consequences of running home and hiding from the interaction she is about to face. she reminds herself that she called riley to inform her that she would be coming over. she is the one who is upset with her best friend or, well, angry. she demanded they talk about said anger immediately because they hadn’t spoken since new year’s eve, even then being slightly tense thanks to maya’s irritation. this entire scenario is just frustrating to no end. it’s like riley doesn’t even think about how anyone else is affected by her choices, and she had already accidentally revealed their moment to josh while wholeheartedly believing that he already knew- but that’s not even what set her off. she recently found out that she had been avoiding farkle for nothing. he was as clueless as anyone else, and maya had pointlessly kept her distance for the sake of riley having someone to rely on- despite farkle being a best friend to the both of them for most of their lives. it’s not even that she would have an issue keeping things on the low if there had been any actual communication about it, but, as she so often did, riley lacked the perception that it could be hard for her best friend to handle things. she had been thrown for a loop when they kissed, questioning nearly every interaction they shared- and it wasn’t even for the sake of her sexuality. maya is confident in the fact that she’s bi. what she is struggling about is that ever since that night in october, her best friendship has been slightly off. they’re on different pages, and just when things are finally getting back to normal, she finds out that riley hadn’t turned to either of the people that meant a lot to both of them that maya had avoided seeking comfort in so that riley would have enough support.

he hates the way his chest fills when she says that. hope. “yeah?” he says, feigning a casual tone. all she had wanted was time, and they’ve had that. thanksgiving came and went with them harboring this secret and now they’re christmas shopping. so, to josh, it’s been long enough, but the ball is in her court again. without meaning to, he can’t help picturing the scene. him nervous after years of dating (because josh is traditional and thoughtful and careful, even with something as certain in his life as maya), fidgeting on the couch as shawn stares him down because they both know exactly what he’s about to ask. despite being one for old timey customs, something about asking a man for permission to marry his daughter strikes josh as a little too old. ultimately, nobody has a say in their own marriage other than the two people involved, but of course josh wanted to tell maya’s parents ahead of time. in this case, it just seemed like a courtesy. but then he abruptly remembers he’s standing in a store, still too afraid to even hold maya’s hand around the wrong people and he reminds himself that they are nowhere near that happening. but it’s nice to think about. “already?” and he really hates himself for acting like moving ahead isn’t the exact thing he wants most, so hurriedly he says, “i mean, if you’re sure about it. if you’re saying…you want to tell them about us. otherwise we might need some time to think of a good reason why we’re having a dinner, just the six of us.” he says it like a light-hearted joke, but he’s thrilled by her suggestion. and it makes sense, to group them all up and tell them together. josh isn’t sure how to tell cory, maybe let his parents or shawn be the one to drop the bomb so he can escape unscathed. her nose scrunches and he wants to kiss it again, ten more times, even, but he refrains and mirrors the expression back down at her instead. “yeah, she is cool. so i wonder what went wrong with you?” even as he says it, he’s flinching in preparation for a light slap against his arm or something similar. but he’s also laughing, which is not helping his case. ignoring the nickname, and just about everything else she said, he asks, “you what?” somehow, he can’t picture maya drinking whiskey. scratch that – he can’t picture maya drinking whiskey and actually liking it. “good thing i’m here to keep you in line.” frankly, it’s not as much of a taunt as he wishes. shawn will probably realize this, after he gets over the initial…not shock, exactly, because even he must know that this was inevitable, but after he gets that it’s happening happening, he’ll be glad, because josh is not the kind of boyfriend who will encourage maya’s propensity to act out and engage in illicit activities. “shawn is like a brother to me, and ignoring how weird that is when i’m…very into kissing his daughter, i can’t help it. i want him to think i’m good enough for you. realistically, i know he doesn’t think anybody is, and we’re in agreement on that.” josh doesn’t actually think shawn would, like, forbid them from dating. but who knows, this could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. he scoffs at her comment. “they haven’t seen anything yet.” if he wasn’t him, it’d be a challenge, but he is him, so. he settles for holding her hand, with a good deal less trepidation than when she first grabbed him. sure, inside of a slightly gaudy home store was just the place to have a conversation he’s been hoping to have since the moment she stormed into his apartment and said things with lucas were over. “wait, so…i can’t ask you out right now? does the second we’re done christmas shopping count as soon?”

as quickly as he’s pretending to be casual about them, josh is backtracking. not horribly, but enough to make her chuckle because the way he is trying to talk his way out of just blurting out, ’already?’ is endearing and boyish and everything she loves about him. “i think we should tell them that we’re seeing each other and exploring this,” maya further explains. especially with their families being what they are, she has had a lot of time to think about practically going about crossing that bridge. back when she wanted a boyfriend and girlfriend right now scenario, she had no qualms about parading him around as her other half, but that wasn’t when it held so much weight. it’s clear that neither she or josh see them breaking up once this begins- or, well, now that it sort of has. this is no longer bringing home a labeled boyfriend, something fun and centered around being a teenager with feelings and hormones and knowing there would be an end. (so… everything she had with lucas.) this is an actual step towards their future. she just doesn’t have the safety with josh in knowing that their friendship could always come first because their feelings will always be so much more than that. she wants to trick herself into believing that even if they do somehow split, things would go back to normal, but they never would. she’s not delusional. and if their families don’t react well to their getting together? it’s just another stressor for them to face. she has no doubts that they can handle it or that they’d be able to conquer the obstacles they will face, but if she can avoid any, she’s going to work her hardest to do so. “i know that it’s not sitting them down to tell them that we’re a formal couple or something big like that, but i don’t want them to be in the dark, y’know? sure, we don’t know exactly how they’re going to react,” an understatement, if she’s ever made one, “but we can make an educated guess. i think if we tell our parents separately, it’s a chance to handle their reactions better, keep them in the loop before we turn our business into the family agenda, and we can all brainstorm on how to tell your brother.” she’s more concerned with cory’s reaction than what shawn’s will ever be in the realm of because while shawn has been her actual dad for only a little while now, cory has been her pseudo dad for years beyond that. mixing that with the fact that she would be introducing his baby brother as her partner? a sure way to guarantee chaos and most likely a dramatic outburst that would put riley to shame. she delivers a swift whack to his bicep at the jab about her coolness, not even justifying it with a response and moving right on to the other half of the topic. “it wasn’t even like i drank the whole thing. i left him an entire glass worth, which i did not have to do, but i knew he would need it because it was his first time punishing me without my mom coaching him since she was gone for the week visiting family.” he did thank her for that later on, but he had argued that he was in the zone while restricting her to their apartment after her tests were done, even if her mom promised to let her go to the concert of that grunge band she had a huge phase over because maya had to miss out on meeting her new baby cousin thanks to dumb finals. “that’s cute, babe,” she quips, almost able to seriously entertain the idea that josh would be able to stop her with her mind truly set on something. “he knows better than to blame you for anything i do. that’s a mr. matthews moment in the making.” cory would definitely be the one to pull the you’re older/wiser/responsible for that now card over josh’s head, and she’d rip it up immediately because she is her own person capable of making her own good or bad decisions as she pleases. she is also currently ignoring the fact that she and josh get too wrapped up in their little bubble of his blankets and take out for her to get into half the shenanigans she usually would, and that probably would only get worse as their relationship grew more serious. “if he’s like that about kissing, wait ‘til he finds out how handsy you are.” she clicks her tongue playfully, rolling her eyes as he tells her again about his own standards for her. “i am begging you to logically tell me how you’re not good enough.” she’s honestly pretty tired of this. maya’s not blind to the fact that josh has made mistakes. in fact, she’s yelled at him for almost all of them. “you do your best and succeed to make me happy. you’re always looking out for my best interest. you check to make sure i’m okay like every thirty seconds and always have the ingredients in your fridge to make my grilled cheese even though you call it stupid and hate that i make you grill it because you always get it perfectly toasty and…” she’s frustrated. he has been arguing that no one deserves her for a hot second now, but wouldn’t that just mean she should end up alone? “you’re telling me that i don’t deserve the boy that i love to love me back and try everything in his power to do right by my heart? which you do? that’s stupid, josh.” she declares in a dismissive tone. “literally the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard in my entire life.” she could get it if he fucked up in more ways than miscommunication or running away from his feelings and clearly regretting it and never planning on doing it again, but he has got to start cutting himself some slack. “shawn has known you for your entire life. literally your entire life. he knows you better than he knows me. that’d literally be like him wondering if i’m good enough for you, and that doesn’t even sound as whackadoo as your point.” maya tries to remain strong, firm on her ‘irritated with josh’ stance, but he’s holding her hand and she knows they’ve been doing it this whole time, but it’s with confidence and after a talk about their future and it just feels disgustingly right. “if you want to get technical, then… yes, i guess after christmas shopping would be later.”

she is not expecting to be approached by maya hart in a panic, but as they say, desperate times… “let me get this straight,” she starts with a laugh. “you actually put mistletoe on top of cupcakes and thought…’this is a good idea!’ and proceeded to feed them to people? is that what you’re freaking out about?” it’s not deadly but it’s still stupid. who eats mistletoe? “pretty sure it’s only poisonous to animals, genius. so hopefully nobody thought it’d be cute to share with their furry friend.”

the cold rush of actually recognizing the person she approached hits her. “missy?” maya frowns, brows bunched. she had seen the flash of brown hair and thought maybe it could be a friendly presence, someone she that could get her out of this mess, not missy bradford laughing infuriatingly. “if i have to explain one more time that the mistletoe looked adorable, i’m going to lose it.” and it did! she almost wants to pull up a picture to accompany that point, but that would distract from the fact that this is the first real conversation she is holding with the other girl since... middle school. did the universe just gather anyone that has interacted with her or riley since they’d turned twelve and lock them in this town for fun? around every corner there are four new faces for every old one, but she never thought the latter would end up being a seventh grade nemesis. “since when do you live here?”

dude? “it doesn’t sound like you do, but most people don’t, hence why i guess they ate it?” she’s being extremely defensive, considering the tone he’d been using, but it’s not that strange to him. there’s always going to be blonde girls yelling at him over the smallest things, it seems. “they’re not really a common recipe ingredient, are they? when i think christmas, i think gingerbread, cranberries, cinnamon, stuff like that.” ethan assumes there’s not a single recipe ever that includes mistletoe. what does mistletoe even taste like? it was the word toe in it. he’s not interested. the sudden change in subject is, well, sudden, but that’s not the only unexpected thing about it. as far as ethan knows, what any of their friend group can or can’t do is sort of supposed to stay between the five of them. for a lot of reasons. it might feel like walton creek is basically another world, but it isn’t actually. they’re quite obviously, in his opinion, in america, and they’re bound to escape one day. benny trusting someone has never been worth much to ethan. “i don’t do magic,” he says. benny barely does magic. “but i might have been able to help if you still had one of those cupcakes.”

“i just feel like if i was dumb enough to make the cupcakes and distribute them, there shouldn’t have been enough dumb left to go around to make an entire group of people down them like barbarians,” she declares, finally just owning up to this entire scenario being ridiculously and definitely her fault. “someone has to be smart in this situation, and if it wasn’t me, then it surely should’ve been them- yet, here we are.” she is purposely leaving out that ethan is clearly the genius here, a title she would only give to farkle otherwise. “and i, once again, emphasize the fact that they were cute! it wasn’t about flavor, it was about being iconic and cute, which they did accomplish.” at ethan’s revealing of his lack of magic, maya frowns. so... he’s useless, she’s gathering? what did benny see in this guy? she’s still reminded that she wants to get to know him, befriend him and all of that because she cares about her friend. “so you can’t cast spells, but you’d still poison yourself? odd choice. are you immortal or something? cause even with endless lives, i don’t think one would be worth wasting on that.”

           “  just because it’s poison to humans doesn’t mean it’s poison to fairies !  we have different immune systems  .   probably  .   don’t quote me on that  .  ”    tinkerbell rolls her eyes  ,   shaking her head at the blonde  .     “  you and i  both  know the closest it ever got to me ending my life was an  idiot  boy’s fault  .   or the time i almost froze a wing off  .   so  .   mistletoe was never in the picture  .  ”    though she’s sure that  ,   at that time  ,   we would have most  CERTAINLY  lost her shit if she’d seen wendy and peter kissing under a mistletoe  .   that was a long time ago  ,   though  .    she shrugs  ,   twirling a strand of hair  .     “  send ‘em to a healer fairy  .   gotta be one of those around here  .  ”  

josh knows maya better than anyone, he’ll defend this fact even if his actions in the past seem to prove otherwise. it’s not that he didn’t know how maya felt or how she would react to certain things, it’s that his own feelings sometimes still cloud his judgment and influence his own actions. but behind all of that, he’s never once had to wonder how maya feels. when he had doubts, they were self projected, out of fear and insecurity. so when she smiles, he knows it’s not right, it’s not the real smile he sees so often lately. josh just wants to lean down and kiss her, for so many different reasons, and there’s only one that stops him. he’s not immune to reflexively reaching for her hand no matter where they are – hell, they fell into that routine years ago. but it’s different now because now it’s actually happening. maya grabs the mug with genuine enthusiasm and it’s so hard to care about anything else aside from her. but selfishness has never been one of his strengths and he can’t stop thinking about everyone else. still, when she places the mug in the basket (he guesses that means they’re really gonna get it) he turns at the same time she does so they’re facing each other and reaches up to brush the hair out of her eyes, his hand lingering so he can cradle her face. “really? like…now?” josh does want to rush things, and it’s uncharacteristic, but he’s tired of second guessing everything. but he doesn’t want to force maya and he doesn’t want to risk her parents thinking less of their relationship because of how sudden is seems. but to him, it hasn’t been sudden at all, it’s been a long time coming. and when you’ve waited so long for something, it’s painful to pretend it’s not happening. “i know shawn loves me, but the idea of being threatened or intimidated by him is actually not a selling point for coming over? but i know it’s just a weird phase we have to get past, and then…” he trails off, his hand leaving the side of her face to lightly hold her chin between his thumb and index fingers. “then it’ll be like before but we can hold hands on top of the covers instead of under them when we all sit on the couch watching tv.” he insisted, back then, that whenever they inevitably ended up with fingers laced together, it was an accident. and in a way, it was. he never had to think about it consciously. but he never let go after realizing what they were doing. so why start now? he’ll never be the guy who likes pda, but they’re virtually alone and at least nobody they know is going to get hurt or feel uncomfortable with whatever he chooses to do next. and it’s christmas, the holiday that inadvertently started everything, and she’s his family. so he tilts her face up slightly and leans down to kiss her on the nose. which is somehow even sappier than just kissing her on the lips. “i’m kind of nervous, about…everything. especially how your parents will feel. what if instead of embracing it they turn on me? but i know you’ll be right there with me, and anything that goes wrong is because what we have is worth it. so…i think we should start leaving my apartment more often.” specifically so they could go to hers, but anywhere, everywhere.

“it’s has been a few weeks since i told them about the breakup.” she actually didn’t even get the chance to tell them at thanksgiving, but beforehand when her parents wanted to offer an invitation to maya’s usual plus one. she shut that down and was even lucky enough for her mom’s big mouth to get topanga to enforce a ‘don’t ask too much about lucas’ rule at dinner, sparing maya. besides, she doesn’t think it’s moving too fast to have josh a tad more present in her life. well, her life that didn’t revolve around him and falling asleep to marathons of netflix on his couch or eating all of the m&ms that he keeps in that little bowl she sits next to on his counter that spoil the meal he’s preparing for her. her cheeks flare a soft pink, an audible gasp slipping out when he catches her so close and caresses her cheek. (how she is still so embarrassingly flustered by the dumbest gesture? don’t ask.) “i’m not saying you go in there and ask them for my hand or anything,” maya teases, a roll of her eyes tossed in for good measure. “maybe we should have a family dinner. not everyone- just... my parents and yours, if you want.” she nervously chews on her bottom lip, planting the idea out there to begin communicating to some of the matthews-hart crew that they are more than just friends, a huge step from where she was when she set these boundaries she’s growing tired of. her eyelashes flutter shut when his lips touch the tip of her nose, the motion more intimate than she thinks an actual kiss would’ve even been, and when she glances back up at him, it scrunches in response. it’s endearing that josh is so worried about her parents’ opinion of him and them. “don’t be ridiculous. my mom is cool. she cares that you make me happy and treat me right, which you do, and shawn? he has known you since you were a fetus. if he turns on anyone, it’s gonna be the one he had to ground for sneaking a bottle of whiskey during finals last semester, not baby wheezy mc-coughs-a-lot.” maya grows minutely aware of the world moving around them, another shopper in the corner of her eye turning toward an aisle a dozen feet away that reminds her that they do actually have a purpose to this outing. her attention returns to josh, and she has to fight the urge to stay in front of him, instead squeezing his hand with an incredulous chuckle. they’re really here in this public setting, getting lost in each other with stupid goofy smiles while they talk about how their families will act once they are together together. “we are absolutely disgusting,” she tells him, forcing once foot in front of the other towards a few home decor items, shaking her head at how lovesick they must’ve looked. “people are going to see us and barf.” they are still linked, her grip tighter than before. she had been telling herself over and over that once she is ready to explore dating josh, she’ll know, it’ll be obvious, and she can’t shake the feeling that this is it. abruptly, she stops them. “i think that you should ask me on a date. an outside your apartment date where anyone could see us doing anything we would do together.” not that there’s anything wrong with maya asking him on one, but this has been a long time coming. “and when it goes well,” she continues confidently, “i think that we should keep going on them. but not right now while we’re christmas shopping obviously. just... soon, okay?” 

          farkle knew maya had good intentions , she would never truly have anything malicious planned but sometimes the execution was faulty though he could never blame her , he’s always proud that she tried . “ doc . you know that’s plan c if i don’t dominate the whole world or become a world renowned scientist . ” it was humorous , a joke on his own accord when he knew just what his parents were expecting of him and neither of those things were it . her words make him realize that he’s been so out of touch with his friends ; what happened between maya and riley ? was maya really been avoiding him ? he’s farkle and he should know these things but he’ll have to finally admit he hasn’t been in the right mind since his parents appeared and he was at fault as well . “ i’ll be honest maya , i didn’t notice . ” he swallows slowly , “ it’s not that i don’t care but i think i’ve been doing the same thing for awhile that i’ve been so out of touch especially when you need me . ” he looked away for a moment , the hard crash of his own hypocrisy comes raining down and he knows he has to deal with it head first but he’s lost so much of his confidence that he truly did feel like a nothing in this moment . “ riley didn’t tell me much , i only really know is that she was upset over the lucas thing but other than that i don’t know much . ” he stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder , a gentle squeeeze befor looking at her again , “ if you want to tell me what happened , i’m here but if you’re not ready , you don’t have to . ”

once upon a gumbo

“maya, it’ll be ready in 15 minutes…you know I can see you stealing spoonfuls of it behind my back, right?” the country boy shakes his head, smiling. it felt good to be cooking again, to be making his mother’s recipe for gumbo. lucas used to cook a lot back home in texas; his mom had taught him all he knows, ever since he was a young lad. her explanation had been that every future husband should know how to cook at least a handful of meals for his partner. a healthy relationship included equality — she didn’t believe in the wife doing all the cooking and cleaning.

“I’m glad you like my mama’s recipe, though. she started teaching me how to cook when I was 10 years old. after I learned my first recipe, she encouraged me to cook one meal a week. I loved it so much I starting cooking two and three dinners a week.” as lucas shared his story, he happily stirred the gumbo, adding a few last minute spices into the pot.

“alright, you’ve been quite patient,” he teases her. I’ll let you taste one bite before I serve it, just to make sure it’s to your liking.” and with that, he scoops up some of the steaming gumbo on a wooden spoon and holds it out to her to try. “make sure to blow on it. don’t want you to burn your tongue.”

@knowbyhart​

maya smiles coyly, batting her eyelashes just enough to hopefully work her way out of this by being cute enough. “i would never,” she gasps, hiding the second spoon she had been using to take said secret bites behind her back. “y’know, for even implying that i would ever do such a heinous crime, i think you owe me a spoonful.” 

she pictures a little lucas- well, as little as he could possibly ever be in her mind, so a thirteen year old lucas- cooking with his mama on a random weeknight. “that’s sweet,” she comments. “i had to learn to cook for the nights i wouldn’t spend at riley’s after my biological dad left. i make some bomb spaghetti. we can do a make up dinner where i cook for you, if you want.” it was the first thing she had ever done on her own, trying it at home after carefully watching topanga put the dish together for dinner the previous weekend. she didn’t enjoy making her meals, always wishing for her mother to be home to feed her instead of writing up a grocery list on her own so young and meal planning for one, and even now tends to only help in the kitchen if it’s necessary. “after shawn moved in, we could afford for my mom to be home for dinner time in order for her to play chef, so i haven’t made it in a while, but i think i could throw it together if you say pretty please.”

          “ statistically , yes . but i’m a scientist , not a doctor and definitely not poison control . ” he already knows she’s got herself in trouble , he knows maya well enough to know she probably got into it in good nature . though , it’s also been a mild week and he was short for some sort of entertainment , “ well , depends on how many berries were used on hypothetical cupcakes . consumption of more than five of the berries definitely pose a risk to developing any of the symptoms . ” he shrugged and patted her on the head teasingly . “ they’ll be fine , maya . they’ll feel mild stomach pains at best but nothing catastrophic will happen . though , i’m kind of glad my mom went through with her gluten-free fad two years ago and i’m avoiding that situation . i would consume three of those in one . ” he offered her a sad smile , “ also , let’s hope riley didn’t get into those . ”

“i think it’s my complete faith in her that made me defend her, actually.” maya’s household is not the kind of place where one finds a perfectly color-coded, immaculately decorated christmas tree. but it’s also not the place for a super ugly and kind of gross ornament, either. and josh knows that the tree is one of maya’s favorite parts of the holiday and she’s not about to soil it with something tasteless. he doesn’t even realize they’re holding hands right away. instead, his hand fastens to hers like it’s the only possible reaction. he’s looking across the store at ugly christmas sweaters when he actually notices that they’re not in his apartment for a change so he looks at maya. of course she’s watching him, not like it’s a test, but because she’s always trying to figure out what he’s thinking and feeling. even if he promises to be vocal, it’s still not like he’s going to keep up a constant ramble of his stream of consciousness. his eyes search the room, but even despite the time of year, it’s nearly empty and there’s nobody they know around. so he just pulls her closer as they look at mugs. “this mug with a happy little reindeer on it? i don’t know.” he frowns down at the display. “i actually don’t know your mother as well as i want to.”

she teasingly rolls her eyes, ready to argue that her mom would probably find it as funny as she does, or if not, then shawn would just to be annoying with maya, but she decides instead to direct her attention to josh’s actions. there’s something in the pit of her stomach that forms when she notices him glancing around, as if he’s checking to see who is around. to attempt hiding the disappointment she feels, she forces a small smile. it’s not like she expects him to go into explicit detail about it or anything, but it’s going to be something that she brings up later because it is bothering her. she knows she’s most likely overthinking, that he is doing it because she brought up being sensitive to their family and friends- especially lucas, who she knows wouldn’t appreciate the pda, however small- she just... she didn’t think twice about it. she doesn’t think she would’ve even if lucas or riley or even her parents were there, and that’s a little terrifying. does that mean she’s ready to talk about being josh’s girlfriend? is she just getting too wrapped up holiday shopping with him? this definitely isn’t in the privacy of his walls, so could she just be too used to their alone time? all she is sure of is that she doesn’t like how it felt to watch him sweep the room before pulling her closer. maya tries to brush it off, scanning the mugs for a design her mom wouldn’t force herself to pretend to like. “ooh! or that little one with the sheep that says fleece navidad! she’ll love that.” she plucks it from the selection, placing it into the basket that josh had grabbed as they walked in. “i’m sure she’d love to see you around more.” all she knows right now is what maya says, so every little thing possible because she talks about josh too much. “you could always come over. i bet shawn would love to pretend to be a big, scary father for two seconds before he realizes that it’s just you, and he should probably be talking to me about it.”