Si vive una volta sola

I don’t even know why things around me end so suddenly. I feel like there is a part of me always asking why, wanting a bigger and better reason why it ended. But then there is the other part of me that just couldn’t give two shits about it. Why should I bother asking? It’s not worth asking about why or how. They lead you on and just fuck you sideways. 

Why couldn’t we just be friends? What’s wrong with that? You know I’m new to Sydney. You know I’m trying to make friends. Anything else is just a bonus. 

My “dating” life is one giant fuck-coaster, getting treated like a queen for what seems like a lifetime, and it just flying back in my face like shit out of the ass of a sheep, on the back of a truck, on the freeway. My emotions, constantly reaching peaks where I never thought it would, for it to be tugged at up through my ass and up through my throat. The entirety of my insides being pulled inside out with such g-force, is how I feel when I date.

I have vowed to never give up. Keep hoping that someone out there will enjoy my company and want to treat me like the woman I’m supposed to be for more than just one measly date. They will want to love me more than once, for it to be a permanent emotion for them to feel, to not be constantly contemplating how they’re feeling because they can’t make up their mind how they want to feel. I VOW to never stop being who I am, because someone out there will totally 110% fall in LOVE with me and I will cry with happiness. I know I will cry. I won’t hold back. I hope it’s an amazing feeling and they will want to cry with me too knowing what I’ve had to deal with. Not only that, they will want to cry because they haven’t ever felt like this about someone before and they know that what they have with me is totally amazing and it would break their heart if they ever lost it. 

They will want to appreciate how I overthink things and how I might struggle to be a normal human being sometimes because I’ve been so scarred. They won’t mind that I do things a little differently, that I like to be open with my feelings, being honest with my emotions. They won’t mind that I want to talk to them a lot. They won’t mind that I want to tag them in memes or text them about random things or take selfies and send them on snapchat. They won’t mind that I want to kiss them on the lips wherever we are; mid sentence; walking out the door; on the toilet; before we go to sleep; every night. 

I keep living each day with the hope that it will happen, but then there is always someone or something that destroys my hope, one minute at a time.

I made the groundbreaking decision to take a new position in Sydney after feeling like I’d failed miserably at getting a job in Melbourne. I found Melbourne was super competitive anyway. Within 2 weeks of applying, I got offered the position. I was so stoked that an advertising agency could give me this kind of role and help me achieve the goals I have in my life. I know I have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but I just have to work hard to get what I want.

Living in Sydney so far has been quite the experience. I’ve met a bunch of different people, been on a few dates already and have been slowly exploring the multiple corners of this city. There is lots to see, and I have a lot of time to go and see it. I’ve barely scratched the surface.

I just bloody realised that I have only 2 weeks left until I step onto that flight back to Europe again. This time, I’m visiting Portugal, somewhere that I’ve wanted to visit for a very long time. I’m also stopping through London, making my way through parts of Spain again to visit some close friends of mine that I haven’t seen in about a year and my second home of Italy where my Italian best friend lives. It’s been 2 years since I’ve seen her, here in Melbourne, Australia and I really really miss her presence. 

All together, it’s been 4 and a bit years since I’ve been back there. It was my 3 month trip abroad where I got to see all and live all. This time, I’m making the most of exploring the hidden corridors of each city, try to go out as many nights as I can and absorb the country’s nightlife. I’ll be taking my Aussie/Italian friend with me; it’s her first time overseas so I’m excited she will get to experience what I have already. 

I’m quite sick at the moment, with the flu. I feel it’s because I’ve been running myself down to the bone with work and an internship I’ve been working at for the past 5 weeks. It’s been a great and positive start to my career after finishing my studies in Advertising at RMIT, but I’m looking forward to this 3 1/2 week break from Australian life and freeze my ass off :P

Get crunkin’ drunk in Europe 2016!

I recently met up with a friend of mine who told me that during his travels he was hitting some brick walls. A few mishaps here and there knocked him down, but he was always ready to get back on the horse. He surprised me and told me that he read through one of my blog posts, that I sent him, a few times over during this time in order to help him understand the reasons why he chose to travel. I never thought that a few words could make such an impact on someone I had just met. It ignited my desire to start blogging again and this is why I thought I’d share this insightful conversation I had.

My friend spoke to so many people on his travels, listening to their stories as to why they chose to travel. One thing he noticed was that there was a reoccurring theme of “love”. Whether they left their home to go find love or they couldn’t stay too long from the ones they loved back home, their stories always evolved around love.  It got me thinking about the reasons why I choose to travel, and the fact that my friend had asked me why. He picked at my brain to try and get a better answer than just “I wanted to get away” or “It’s Europe, why not?”. I struggled to figure it out and it lead me on a tangent, reminiscing on the times that I spent travelling abroad. My only legitimate answer was, “When I save up the money, as much money as I can - then I go. If I’m curious to find out about something, I plan to make my way to wherever it is to learn about it first hand. There is nothing stopping me here, whether I have a full time job or not, I can leave and explore when I want for however long I want.” 

Then my friend asked me, “But don’t you feel that you want to come back for the love of your family?”

I replied with, “I know that they always love me no matter what I do with my life. They will always be there and they would never stop me doing what I want. And while the places I want to travel to are also always there, if I keep making excuses not to go, then I’ll never go.”

“We travel because we need to, because distance and difference are the secret tonic of creativity. When we get home, home is still the same. But something in our mind has been changed, and that changes everything.”

Don't you just wish you could tell someone how you really felt without the awkwardness of a rejection? Or the worries of it going horribly wrong because you're so nervous? Or his excuse would be something unreasonable, or superficial?

......Aaaaaaaand they're gone!

Dem single men, where you at? Most of the ones I know of, or speak to on some level, are getting snatched up - just like them hotcakes I was referring to in the title. It's one of those tricky situations where you've exhausted all your friends, and your friends' friends...It is just going nowhere! 

I did, however, try speed dating a month or so ago with a friend of mine and it was pretty interesting! It actually boosted my confidence up and I felt like an entirely different person when I left. Even though my inner gut knew that I wouldn't have any matches with the guys, (there was only 6 to choose from, most of the girls bailed too!) the experience has become one to remember! All I have left to do is try my luck and see what happens.

It's hard to go out on your own as a female, especially if you want to drink - hence why I am home alone on a Saturday night. Most friends are with their boyfriends or too tired from working to come out...or they use the "I'm/We're too old for this shit". I say, if we don't go out now, when will we ever regain our immaturity and naivety again? There is only one opportunity in our lives to be young, immature and stupid. To make mistakes and learn from them - to better ourselves as human beings and make a difference in our lives.

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.” - Meryl Streep

Why can't I just not like someone for no reason? Why do I have to give a reason? Why do I have to like everyone that I speak to, or continue having a friendship with them after speaking to them once? Majority of people think that after hanging out with me for one night, it makes them feel obliged to get my number or add me on Facebook. In all honesty, it's nice to know that people like me from my wacky first impression, but at the same time, it also depends on how I feel about that person too. I have to pretend, and go along with it just so I'm not the rude person who decided there was no connection between me and that person.