#doesloveexist

My “dating” life is one giant fuck-coaster, getting treated like a queen for what seems like a lifetime, and it just flying back in my face like shit out of the ass of a sheep, on the back of a truck, on the freeway. My emotions, constantly reaching peaks where I never thought it would, for it to be tugged at up through my ass and up through my throat. The entirety of my insides being pulled inside out with such g-force, is how I feel when I date.

I have vowed to never give up. Keep hoping that someone out there will enjoy my company and want to treat me like the woman I’m supposed to be for more than just one measly date. They will want to love me more than once, for it to be a permanent emotion for them to feel, to not be constantly contemplating how they’re feeling because they can’t make up their mind how they want to feel. I VOW to never stop being who I am, because someone out there will totally 110% fall in LOVE with me and I will cry with happiness. I know I will cry. I won’t hold back. I hope it’s an amazing feeling and they will want to cry with me too knowing what I’ve had to deal with. Not only that, they will want to cry because they haven’t ever felt like this about someone before and they know that what they have with me is totally amazing and it would break their heart if they ever lost it. 

They will want to appreciate how I overthink things and how I might struggle to be a normal human being sometimes because I’ve been so scarred. They won’t mind that I do things a little differently, that I like to be open with my feelings, being honest with my emotions. They won’t mind that I want to talk to them a lot. They won’t mind that I want to tag them in memes or text them about random things or take selfies and send them on snapchat. They won’t mind that I want to kiss them on the lips wherever we are; mid sentence; walking out the door; on the toilet; before we go to sleep; every night. 

I keep living each day with the hope that it will happen, but then there is always someone or something that destroys my hope, one minute at a time.

I’m starting to lose faith in the idea of falling in love. Most of the guys that I have met have been great, they just haven’t been life altering and amazing as I imagine the idea of love should be. I used to believe that love was this amazing gift that consumed a person.  I haven’t met someone that gave me the zaa zaa zoo as Carrie Bradshaw would call it.  

Is it really love that lasts or the desire to be loved? Can two people actually be head over heels for each other and never wonder what it would be like to stray.? Come on everyone send me your thoughts about this!