humanslop

i am very shy

but

if ai is allowed to make slop

then so should i

~~~~~~

(mini masterlist below)

Look!!! I have my first anonymous ask in my inbox! welcome anon!!

~

Thank you for the compliments, first anon. I did want the reader to choose, and also. when you're in this kind of situation where everyone around you is telling you your wrong, it's very hard to not get washed far away from the shore with the current.

When you do something wrong or are unsure of yourself, you go to other people to ground your worldviews. What's the difference internally though, with someone who has a distorted view of the world, and someone who is being manipulated?

While poor darling is in the second group, our bully is in the first. somewhere in their life they learned that being authentic about things is punish worthy. they think they're better for not caring about anyone. which means they hide parts of themselves, and when the see you with the same passion they have who is out in the open, they can't take it without feeling like their whole social life is a lie.

So they pick on you, and since they want you and your works to themselves sooo much they get to hit two birds with one stone when they do all that and then pretend it's all a joke.

And then you leave, and now theres nothing.

its not like most people thought you deserved it. But... saying it out loud is just putting a signal flare for them to be next. and they wont step in line and posture for them as easily when there's no fear behind it.

Any of validation from money and authority they have is just putting fuel into a fire. It burns hot with the hit that they're exceptional, but it never actually convinces them that there's something good inside them besides what how they compare to others, so they always need more.

They find you, and. For a short period of time that they still remember, you made them feel like there was something bigger than the numbers they chase after. You're still publishing your first works, and they give any money they can spare into your patreon/donations to support you. They won't approach you in person, but they certainly will have a fan account in your name.

Their hands shake whenever the see other fanart of your characters. All their headcanons of your characters make no fucking sense. They can't look at the internet without seeing thousands of red pens, and they're the only one person putting white-out on them!! But they're just another fan, and all they've wanted was a friend, and someone to love.

these are vivid dreams your lover has, of what would happen if they were gone. to not be able to help you, to come home and see that you've fully rotted away, you can't come back from it. When the fear strikes at their core hard enough to stir them awake, their breathing speeds up because they don't feel any warmth around them. Theres no walls or thoughts or stimulation in that dreamy state to distract them from that deepest fear. Of being abandoned.

Their heart, it really hurts! why is this happening? They can feel their tears welling up when they think of your skin going cold and losing it's color.

They can't go there, they reach out to their side and press their hand down on your chest to feel the steady pump of blood through one of those vessels. It's hotter than their hands.

They hate it. they're just a kid to everyone else, but they won't be with you. It's childish, but they murmur "I'm really scared." and pull your mostly drowsy self into them, wrapping their arms around your back and their legs curl around yours like shoes with tied strings. They push their chest against you tightly, so that even if their heart wants to burst out of their body, your surfaces will make sure it doesn't break from them.

i dont know how to draw at all (including stick figures)

it makes me wonder if i could do it, though i have very little dexterity.

if i did try though, it would probably be that thing, 'tracing' mostly. not sure if thats considered a 'bad' thing to do or not.

cw: bullying

notes: im tired so idk if i stopped making sense halfway though.

the crown prince becomes interested in you.

(soft yandere)

notes: i know NOTHING about royalty so i made stuff up, this might be too slow. Also if this is too “x oc” in personality, let me know (for future tagging)!

~

The level of the tea in the cups wobbles only slightly when you take steps like a metronome. It’s the only thing you need to focus on, since the rest comes naturally. If you had no tray, you could go with your eyes closed. And at this time of day, you would know where you were by when light shines on your form. 

You slow when your peripheral vision catches the door of the Duchess’s chambers ahead. 

The door is left open. You tilt your head.

“Stand up straight.” Their words are sharp. “You’re slouching still. Is this how you want the future king to see you?” 

Your vision goes back and forth between the door and the inside of the room as you approach. The Duchess sighs loudly before continuing. “You should be focused but not desperate. Wait, but only a few moments before responding.” The daughter nods.

She suddenly stands and takes quick steps. “Stop that. Stop it right now.” She grabs her daughter’s hands and drags them up. “You know better, don’t fidget.”

Your eyes linger, but when the Duchess notices, she briefly motions her hand for you to come inside. You move inside and stand, like a child waiting for a parent, in front of the two of them with your tray. 

“Let’s move on.” The Duchess takes a step backwards.

“His favorite color is turquoise, so we will all need to wear something of that color. He likes horseback riding and literature so have something to say about those things. Don’t bring up anything related to his duties or his future as king. He wants to forget about it, so let him for now. And don’t bother with the other brother tonight.”

“Do you understand all this?” She doesn’t wait. “Now go.” The daughter turns around as the Duchess waves her out. You set the tray down for her as she sits.

Her shoulders drop, and after a moment her eyes land on you.

She reaches out and tucks some stray hair behind your ear. “You will be coming to the banquet as well. The outfit for you is already provided.”

You nod as well. With nothing else to engage you, you suddenly remember something she sometimes asks after their conversations. “Would my lady like for me to rub your shoulders? Or draw a bath?”

“The shoulders would be nice.”

When you return to your room, you notice the outfit right away. It’s laid out on the bed. It’s teal, and it shimmers even in the dim light as the day ends. It’s softer than the blanket your fingers brush against when you pick it up.

You hold the clothes up to yourself, and it looks like it fits.

It doesn’t really look like it’s meant to be in your room, even though it’s nothing compared to the outfits of the Duchess. You look around for somewhere to put it besides your bed. There’s a small dresser. But on top of it already is a half broken cup you decided to keep, with freshly picked dandelions inside, and next to it is your comb. There's a wooden chair by the door though. You can have it there for now.

You wonder if you’ll be allowed to keep these clothes.

~

You're standing against the wall of the banquet hall. There’s numerous conversations going on, but it’s all noise. The region you all come from is near the border of the country, so the language at this banquet isn’t comprehensible. The Duchess has said you aren’t here to be having long conversations anyway.

Her glass is full and her clothes are smooth. She’s not looking at you.

That’s good. All you need to do right now is watch.

The mention of the crown prince catches your ears. They look around the room, but don’t seem to find anything in particular. One man sets his glass down firmly and starts speaking for a little while as another person shakes his head slowly. The Duchess brings up another familiar name she’s spoken of before. A princess he was supposed to marry. Even if you knew the language, they spoke too quietly for the tone of the conversation to be understood. 

Eventually, someone waves their hand and speaks audibly again. They shift their chairs a bit to allow everyone to lean in and look at the same thing, the other prince speaking to a group of people across the room. They nod along this time.

Your eyes drift away from the Duchess’s group as you shift your feet back and forth. Her daughter is speaking to a small group of women. She’s laughing, and she bends her head down before stifling the noise with her hand. You’re not used to it.

Her posture is perfect.

“Go see how my daughter is doing for me.” You snap back, not realizing the Duchess had approached. With a bow of your head, you leave to check on her. She seems tense when you approach, even though there’s nothing off about her features that you can point out.

“My Lady.”

“I do not require anything from you.” She nips any talk in the bud, speaking quickly.

…

Maybe you shouldn’t be surprised, but your hand awkwardly fidgets with the fabric of your outfit. You're unsure of what to say. 

“B-but, your mother asked…”

“I know. What my mother says.” It’s firm but hushed. She then sighs and shakes her head after a few seconds of silence.

You glance back at the Duchess. You can’t just go back to her with nothing, and even saying what her daughter told you will be a problem for both of them. You bow again, and decide instead to go the opposite way, outside.

~

Greenery catches your eyes, and you decide to walk in that general direction, following the stone pathway. It smells nice, like flowers. And there are flowers! Colorful ones, a little different looking than the ones at home. One turquoise flower stands out, that would be perfect for your room. Nobody is around, so you won’t be taking up too much space if you decide to go and hold them in your hands. 

Your walk hastens as you move over to look at them. But before you can even peek, there are footsteps. Two people, dressed in uniforms of servants, one of them holding a drink. You turn around, and because of it you catch their eye. They’re shuffling over to you now, and when they call out something you tell them “I’m sorry, I do not understand…” right away.

They speak to you in a louder voice than is necessary, and are pointing at your clothing. You look down, and nod a little. You’ve known from the beginning it’s a bit unusual for you to be wearing this.

One of them comes closer to pinch your clothing, moving their thumb back and forth to feel the material, which makes you remember that there’s a bed of flowers right behind you. You repeat yourself, that you don’t understand what they’re mumbling to you, as some lint is picked off your shoulders by the other person.

There’s another voice that makes everyone turn to them, the person leaning against the wall of the building. It’s not loud, since he doesn’t need to be for them to realize who they’re talking to. The two of them let go like they put their hands on the stove. They say something with a laugh, the tone making you think it’s an apology.

He says something to you, and pushes himself off of the wall. When he gets a few feet away, he speaks again. The way their voice ups in pitch at the end of the sentence makes it seem like a question.

But. …his collar isn’t folded the right way. The top few buttons on his coat aren’t done. The sleeves are rolled up a little, and they’re all wrinkly too. If something were to be done, the collar would only take a few seconds. You blink, and now you’re starting with putting your hands on that collar.

SLAP!

Blinking again, you’ve flinched and taken a step back. Your hands. They’re stinging. You give him a look while rubbing your hands together to soothe the pain. What comes from that mouth is still short and bitter.

You speak in reply, but no matter what you tell them, their response is the same because–

Oh. You don’t speak the language.

He sighs, pressing fingers to his forehead. The bitterness must have drained out of him, since now his voice is gentle. Which you can’t understand. He just stares at you for a minute, crossing his arms.

“Ah, I am sorry.”

Waiting for a few moments more, he takes a step forward. “Good?” Another sigh. “...Okay? Bad?”

A nod from you. He brings his hands up, shaking them a little, eyes widening. “What.” You’re not really sure what’s so confusing, but he keeps on moving his hands around and waving them. And then the hands drop back down. “Nothing…!” He walks right past you, plopping down on a big stone.

“I can not do that. I am not better to them when. For you, when I…” You tilt your head. He’s talking a bit more now. You glance away from him, back to the sound of the banquet. The Duchess and her daughter are there. His clothes, despite their dishevel, are very good. One of the best.

You take a few steps forward, and seat yourself on the grass a few feet away. He’s back out of your language, syllables pouring out of his mouth like water. Some languages have different tones to them. Or something. Maybe it naturally tastes bitter to you?

You keep on nodding with him as it flows. You could hug him or rub his shoulders, the stinging mostly gone, but being swept by current isn’t preferable. What are you supposed to do though? He isn’t telling you a thing, but he wants something.

Ah. There’s something to be recognized here, hearing the Duchess and her daughter by name. You’re finally making eye contact. But then he looks up at the sky. What could he be thinking? He collapses on his back, not watching you perk your head every time it’s mentioned.

You collapse, going along. Your view of the same sky is obstructed by blades of grass. That current eventually becomes peaceful waves. His hands are still gripping the grass, and it all makes sense now. That’s it, then. He’s not thinking about doing anything important at this moment.

“Sorry.” It’s all of a sudden while he’s talking, as he rests his head on his hand. “I don’t know, what–”

You get up and walk away. He lets out a groan, but it’s okay. You have something for him. The one thing you know about him is that he likes seeing turquoise. So you lay the gift at his feet. It’s that flower from the garden, in his favorite color. It’s everything you have, all for him.

He stares at it for a minute. You can’t read his expression. He lets out a cold laugh, though his face is hot.

He gets up, and walks away without a word, holding the flower.

~

The rest of the night goes on without event. You do not see him again. Even when you apologized to your lady for disappearing, she said you did a wonderful job tonight. She lightly chides her daughter for dismissing you. “It was expected.” When her daughter talks about nobody saying a word to the Prince tonight.

Eventually, he will have to visit. That was only one event.

It just means more tasks to complete on that day. Most of your time is spent helping to prepare, the food, the cleaning, the likes. There are many of you to shoulder what’s more than normal. 

You count the number of times the broom sweeps the floor. There’s not much else to do, other than double check there’s ‘not a speck of dust.’ Though, you’re not sure how to count how many specks there are. Huh. Staring at the ground, can… you see any?

“I missed you.” 

He’s here again. 

There are voices you can barely hear at the turn of the corridor. “Please, forgive me for last night. It is very unlike me to treat a subject that way.” He holds out his hand to your eyes, and slowly glides it to your lower back, taking brisk steps to a door leading outside. 

He lets out a sigh of relief once it shuts. “Thank you. That night, I was…” There’s a soft smile you haven’t seen before. “I was…”

…

Nothing else comes out.

…

Your eyes dart around for something to think in this silence. His hand is still holding your back, and he’s just standing there, not far from your face.

“Haha, I like you. Your gift.”

He moves away from your back, instead using that hand to hold your chin, redirecting your eyes and keeping your face still. It’s warm.

“You are full of something precious I have not seen before. It would be a shame to not see it at least once more. I find myself thinking that I have been blessed by the heavens, to reveal a hidden gem to me after so long.” His voice is low, and melodic in the way he manages to turn the syllables to music. Emphasized by the contrast of previous stutters.

"For you." He tilts his head and smiles more widely, before taking your hand. He lets go after a moment, and you look down and see what he has given you.

It's dandelions.

How sweet.

Impulsively, you decide to blow on them. Some of the seeds float into his hair.

He doesn't pick them out.

...

The two of you have been staring at each other for a moment. Well, you are looking at the dandelion seeds, resisting the urge to pick them out after what happened with the collar. He notes the color of your eyes.

But he looks away when he hears his name being called inside. He shrugs his shoulders and turns around with a laugh.

Do you ever wonder what would make them try to get their darling to pursue them instead? Think about it like this: it’s a lot easier to hide their little fixation if darling is the one doing the chasing. Is it their fault when you chose to be theirs?

Maybe it starts with someone who’s a bit of a hot and cold type, just because of the reasons they would want to be pursued being related to that type.

First, openly chasing after someone opens yourself up to the chance of them being rejected, abandoned by someone they love. Despite their persistence, it’s not going to magically cure that it hurts. So much. to feel like something’s wrong with the way they love. Just pretend it’s not there.

And then practically, the yandere may not be in a position to whisk their darling away without worry, since not everyone gets to be an emperor.

Or it could be more simple, maybe they just want to be the prize in the relationship!

But they still have to attract your attention first, before luring you into a trap you can’t escape, so.

They're likely to focus on their looks more than they did before, they may be the type to make sure they stand out so you can see them in a crowd, or wear revealing clothing so your eyes drift to their figure (and then tease or reprimand you, like they aren’t messing with you on purpose), and to have a sweet scent so it envelopes you completely when you’re close and sticks to you when they leave. And since they know about ‘pretty privilege’, they hope it’ll all take a toll, that you’ll subconsciously be more likely to approach them or view them more positively.

And to go back to that hot and cold behavior, it holds that air of mystery that’s appealing at times, right? Luring anyone that wants to see if there’s something under it, or anyone that's easygoing and eager enough to just be happy to be near them. That push and pull, it’s not exactly on purpose, especially in the early stages. It’s something they naturally do. There’s variation in all people, but denying themselves makes them more volatile than most.

It can be a bit thrilling if you’re a risk taker. It’s clear they like you even when they hide it, but you know at any point this chase could implode. And the same goes for them, since you can just as easily either lash out or walk away if you’re tired of them acting this way.

You can’t predict when these hits of warmth will come in, which makes it even more interesting to try to make sense of their patterns. Despite them knowing a lot more about you, where you only see the surfaces they decide to show.

Ever heard of variable ratio reinforcement? It kind of pops in their head one day. That you haven’t figured what goes on in their head when they do things at all, and yet you’re constantly digging for the bits and pieces they throw out, wanting more from them. Essentially, their behavior is randomized. And with a darling that’s naturally competitive it’s a good match.

Those predictable rewards and punishments some yanderes would use to train you like a pet, they make it unpredictable to keep you addicted like a person, like their ideal lover.

They’ve been leading you on. Dangling the carrot on the stick and forcing you to be vulnerable. Which. is a bit weird to think about. Because the reason they may have been this way was that they didn’t. want to open themselves up to. To risk, by pursuing you…

Don’t think you can get out of this, darling. You’ve done the exact same thing, haven’t you? Your moods vary day to day, and so do theirs. The minutes you take to text them back and come to their aid vary, and so do their rewards. The affection you give others and thoughts in your little head aren’t perfectly predictable, just like theirs.

You are just like them. You did this to them. They’re addicted because of you. You’re the one keeping them running for the carrot. Your. Fault.

Now they can’t wait to take your life away and have full control so they can play with you, since you are the one that made them so addicted. For the crime of stealing their heart, they’ll repay what you’ve done to them in full, with interest.

Chances are, when you go to an appointment, and they prescribe you medication or give you a diagnosis or information about your care, you don’t fact check every single statement they give you, or tell them what medicine you’re supposed to take, or anything like that.

It’s just an example, of course. But it’s the same if you go to the mechanic, you don’t tell them how to fix your car do you? Do you tell someone how much spices or salts or sauces they should put into the food they make for you?

Likely not.

Do you think you can’t handle things on your own? You can’t trust yourself to make your own decisions?

Of course you don’t think that way. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. That’s why we defer to experts when handling their fields in life.

And to go the other direction, you wouldn’t let a child drive your car, or manage your finances, or even decide what to eat for dinner! You could get lucky and they get home safely or pick the winning ticket, but in the long run they would crash and burn, all of your life.

In the end, if you believe they know more than you, you defer, and if you know more than them you take control. There is a sliding scale of knowledge when it comes to each field, and that’s what guides who makes the decisions.

In a partnership, your lover should be your other half, and together you make one piece. To be consistent with your principles, naturally you treat things the same?

What happens when they know more than you? If they can speak more eloquently, allow them to make the important phone calls. If they can react faster, it’s less dangerous if they are in the line of fire first. If they understand finances better, go ahead and pass the calculator. Let them handle it, the last thing they want is for you to hurt yourself needlessly.

What happens when they are more intelligent? Put the two of you in front of something completely new. Who will find the winning strategy in a board game first, who do you think will actually earn the better score on the exam? If the answer isn’t you, then they can do the quick thinking when you are both under pressure. You said it yourself, you trust them on these things, so relax.

When they’re faster and smarter and better than you, because what everyone wants is the best decision that is why you defer.

Yanderes have different views on pets right? Some will be too jealous of them, hogging all your attention! to keep them around, while others would view them as a part of you in the way they also hoard your clothes, journals, and other possessions, or they may just view your pets normally and treat them since they're a silly guy (despite however they treat you).

What about the middle ground? I mean in that way where you have a pet, and they can't decide whether the want it to stay or go yet. There are those that are jealous but don't want you to kill them and just don't have a way to get rid of your pet yet.

But I think yanderes can also be quite uncomfortable with pets... because it makes them realize how they treat you.

Your pet cannot leave. It is completely dependent on your household for food, shelter, companionship. All you ask from it in return is their unconditional love.

...

You are supposed to be their partner. They just can't bear this uncomfortable feeling, the way they tense up when they see your pet even in its lonesome, instead of the familar fire of possessivness. They don't find anything wrong with the dog, and that's why they can't figure out what to do.

You're not supposed to be their pet. But they have to leave the room whenever your together. It's especially bad if you're similar to your pet in personality. An upbeat and diligent little thing, aren't they? Right next to their energetic... dog... haha. Definitely. So cute together.

Aw, what's wrong, they seem tense? They're biting down and they don't realize, and they normally don't fidget. They... forgot something from the store. They'll be back in a little while.

The same thing goes for a calm and perceptive partner next to a snake, someone shy yet nimble holding their mouse, and so on. It's hard to take care of a pet when it all starts blending together with you.

In the stages of your kidnapping, the contrast can also cause trouble. When they look at their dog, wagging their tail, and you... after all this time, are just. nothing. You stay in bed all day. You don't react when they greet you or hold you, besides whatever the bare minimum is for them not to lash out at you.

You used to be able to go on long hikes, on fishing trips. You took classes, you had jobs, you had friends, you had family, you had things. That were apart of you. Outside of them.

You. Your pet. You. Your pet.

They're going to throw up.

But they're not going to let you go. You're still you, you aren't a pet, you're a whole person! And they know that!!

It's good that they're uncomfortable though. They could maintain this equilibrium until the pet dies naturally if it only has a few years left anyways. But they very well could still do something about it.

There are 4 types of immunity. If it's active, it's produced by your own body, and if it's not it's passive. If the source of immunity is from medical technology, it's artifical, and if not it's natural.

Natural passive immunity is where antibodies are transferred directly from one's body to another without the person creating antibodies themselves.

Though breast milk is the main example for transferring this type of immunity, there are technically antibodies in blood, tears, saliva, semen, vaginal fluids, and more.

If theres some kind of deadly virus or bacteria in one's body, antibodies can be given in an emergency. Without medical technology, if one person has immunity, and the other person doesn't...

note: this is quite blasé for a yandere thing. slice of life yandere, maybe? or a tsundere yandere

~

You’re at the optometrist, getting a new pair of glasses. You used to just skip them even if you technically had prescription glasses lying around, somewhere… but your vision has gotten worse to the point you actually need to start wearing them.

And there are a lot of glasses, the shelves like skyscrapers. Someone you know very quickly volunteered to help you pick out a pair when you told them you were driving to the appointment, since they were bored and had nothing better to do today.

The two of you go back and forth, you sending pictures of glasses and them giving their analysis and advice. You find a little pair of oval glasses, and they just put a thumbs down on it.

‘Honestly those aviators suit your face way better’

There’s some commentary added as well about why they like your eyes, which you glance at absentmindedly because you have to tell the helper you don’t need anything yet. But. The pattern on the oval glasses looks nice. You tell them what your instinctive preference is, but…

But, where are my fellow glasses havers?!?!

You can gift someone lots of clothes or shoes or other accessories but usually they have other options besides what you gave them. You only need 1-2 pairs of glasses.

You wear the same pair (maaaaybe switch it up sometimes) of glasses. Everyday. A permanent attachment to your looks and how you present yourself to the world.

For a fleeting moment, imagine your bubbling giggle as only sweet chocolate on their tongue.

They try to savor it. Spreading to their teeth and gums. It pools low.

But melting exposes bitter crumbles. It is never only theirs.

They swallow but it’s bitter then it’s acid and it’s poison and it’s convulsing their throat, you can’t extinguish burning bubbles, it only wants to come out.

It doesn’t matter how sweet the chocolate, or how much they have. It ruins what it touches and consumes what surrounds it.

They can’t finish the bowl.