cosmo sex tips

you can literally buy me a burger and ill do a little happy spin and land in a really cute double peace sign pose accompanied by a satisfying bounce of my tits. it's literally my rarest animation don't you want to see it? >_<

A pure white relentless blizzard will quietly bury all life in Toronto and when we unearth it in 599 years there will be no evidence that baseball ever occurred

(perverse, predatory, manipulative voice) Hello 

divorce is so funny. like never mind

fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.

AI could never replace me at my job bcs AI can't do meth at work and it can't comprehend time theft like I can

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

“i can fix him” girl you are WORSE than him

me when i get pulled over and the cop hasnt even begun talking yet

Litttttt😩😩😩😩

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Yooooooooo 😩👌🏽🙌🏽 I never knew I needed something so bad