Actually no. Last night you called me drunk out of your mind to tell me how much you love me and want to be with me but can't be with me because you're too scared. And today you act like nothing happened you just make stupid sexual comments, then when I make one back all of a sudden I've taken it too far, I've made you uncomfortable. And you know what, I accepted that I was fine with it I apologized and offered to give you space but you said it was okay. So i keep acting normal until I get this call from my friend telling me my ex has been contacting him trying to get all my friends to drop me. Thats one big ass trigger. You text me something, I text back, then you leave me on read for over an hour. Thats another big ass trigger that you are fucking well aware of. I even asked if you were busy and you said no, you text dry fucking responses and act shocked when I lose my cool. Fuck you and your games, you don't fucking love me at all you never did the only thing you care about is yourself and the only thing you want from me is sex.

We broke up because he cheated on me. Twice. During the relationship he also hit me, threatened to hurt himself multiple times, isolated me, didn't want me to make friends and pressured me into sex. But I never told anyone that bc I didnt want it to affect his life I just wanted nothing to do with him, but now he is actively seeking it out. I'm so fucking done with this shit I just wanted him to leave me alone.

Im getting worse and worse. I relapsed for the first time in over a year. I dont know how to come back from this.

Both of my parents divorced when they were in their late 30s. Both went through terrible relationships afterwards. Both are now almost 50 and are happy. But I don't think I can wait until I'm 50, I don't want to spend most of my life getting heartbroken again and again just to settle down when I'm old. I don't want to spend what are supposed to be the best years of my life healing and relapsing and healing again. I already feel so much pain and I know for a fact that I cannot handle spending the next 30 years of my life feeling like a burden.