Horses and Other Shit

oh and fyi:

lgbt equestrian icons/backgrounds!

only the ones with the outlines are sized to be icons, sorry!

Treating An Illness:

Here’s the pill you should take for a couple weeks or so. You’ll be better soon.

You might need surgery, but, you’ll completely heal from that in a few months and be complete back to normal.

Treating A Chronic Illness:

This is your life now. I mean we could try to treat it a little, but, really you’re just screwed forever. Have fun!

Alright so a few people have asked me to do this so here we go-

(I hope I covered everything)

What do I need to prepare for?

Get clothes together. You will probably not have the energy or motivation to change, so have some sweat pants and a few shirts. I recommend zip up hoodies because buttons are too hard sometimes. Really, zippers are the best. You can deal with buttons 2 weeks post op when it’s easier.

Prepare food. This is especially important if you’re gonna be alone a lot or if you’re stubborn like me and don’t like asking for help. Cooking is gonna be hard, so get easy things. Ramen, other microwaveable soups. You can do it stovetop too if it’s not too high for you to reach (I’m 5'2" and it was a bit hard for me). Chips and pretzels and crackers and cookies are also good because it’s tasty and good to just have by you for if you get nauseous and need a quick bite or if you jsut can’t make yourself get up. I know it’s not healthy but let yourself live a little. I also bought some chicken tenders and stuff like that to throw in the oven because do have a freezer that’s on its own so I could reach all the stuff. I love coffee but the coffee pot was too far back for me to reach and the mugs were way too high so I bought some of the cold pre made Starbucks and dunkin donuts coffees. Also have money to order food possibly depending on how long you’re laid up and what you can do.

Have things to drink. A good water bottle or Styrofoam cup is important. Having water and tea and other liquids is important because the pain meds and antibiotics can dehydrate you and you will be a bit dehydrated from surgery in general. Hydration can also make you feel more energetic too.

Queue up some movies and shows. Netflix (or recorded shows or on demand shows or dvds or blue rays or whatever) is amazing. I watched a lot of parks and rec and also paranormal survivors. You’re gonna have a lot of time and you’ll be sleepy and it might be hard to focus so easy things to watch are good

Have a place to sleep. I slept on a recliner in my living room for about 2 and a half weeks post op. I did try to sleep in my room but I kept rolling over and it hurt so much. I wasn’t able to sleep on my stomach a whole night until about 3 and a half weeks post op. The recliner was amazing. If you don’t have that, lots and lots of pillows to put on 3 sides of you work too. My headboard has shelves built in so I couldn’t use pillows to prop myself up, but my grandmother got a surgical wedge for me and putting blankets and pillows around that helped when I moved back to my room

Have help scheduled. If you’re alone most of the time, have a visiting nurse or friend or family member come check on you and help you out for a couple hours. Having someone with you all day is ideal, but you don’t have to, and I know that’s not possible for everyone.

Have a mental health care plan. This is important whether you’re mentally ill or not. Top surgery brings up a lot of emotions and many people experience mood swings and depression after surgery. This happens because surgery is trauma to your body, even if it’s good. Your mind is trying to understand why there is missing flesh and all of that can be overwhelming. The pain meds don’t help with that either.

Get a long phone charger. As long as possible. You’re gonna be sitting and laying in some weird positions and you’ll be bored out of your mind, so you’re gonna wanna have your phone. If you don’t have a long phone charger or can’t get one (or if you’re breaks 1 day post op like mine did) you can use an extension cordd or a power strip to make it longer

Have other things to do. Maybe a book or a sketch pad or coloring or clay. Just something else to keep you busy for when you are tired of Netflix

Trim your body hair. I suggest trimming your armpit hair a little, if not all the way, because the ace bandage will pull on it and it will be uncomfy. Also if you do anything with your hair elsewhere, do it pre op

Also if you have pets that need their habitats cleaned, do that the day before surgery. I have fish, a turtle, a hermit crab, 3 geckos, a guinea pig, and a dog. I changed bedding and cleaned tanks for all of them except the dog admit was worth it. It would’ve been way too hard post op.

If you take any medication be sure to call the hospital and check if you should stop it or keep taking it. I stopped T and my vitamin supplements and all oral steroids 2 weeks before and you’re not supposed to take nay medication the morning of, but the hospital told me I could because it’s psych medication and I’m better on it than off

What do I do the day of surgery?

Go to the hospital!! Your surgeon (or someone from their office) eill give you directions to the hospital and a list of what you need. I needed my ID, my insurance card, pre-op paperwork, and all of my meds. I ended up needing none of those things, but I was told to bring them so I did and I suggest you do the same.

Anxiety is 100% normal the morning of. I was very anxious and so was my dad and we ended up screaming at each other. My way of coping with the anxiety was to text my partner, and I also Facebook live streamed a couple time sin the car (it’s 2 hours from my house to the hospital)

When you get to the hospital go with the flow. I was called on my way and told to get there asap bc there was a cancellation. I told them that wasn’t happening because of how far I live and I was already on my way but I would be there in time for my surgery slot. When I got there, I checked in and everything was okay. Until they mixed me up with two seperate patients and I got really anxious. But my surgeon came to meet me and calmed me down and it was okay. They let one of my parents stay with me until I went to the OR which was also nice

The OR is scary. There are a ton of people and the table is cold and everything is moving fast and you just lay there. I actually somehow felt calm though? I think I hit the point of being anxious where I was in stress nirvana and nothing registered anymore. I just breathed deeply and said that whatever happened was gonna happen and then they told me to keep breathing the oxygen in and that they were giving me the medicine to make me sleep.

Rely on whatever you believe in and whatever helps you. I had play doh with me and my favorite stuffed animal in the car and I kept it in my bag at the hospital. That helped me stay calm a lot. I also am spiritual in the sense that I believe that things happen the way they happen and that’s that, and we should go woth it and tackle it as it comes. If you are religious, praying or worshipping however you like can help in the money’s and days leading up to surgery too.

What’s it like waking up?

It’s weird. It’s really fucking weird. I was very sleepy and confused. I don’t remember a lot of it. I remember asking for my partner (they couldn’t be there because they had class) and I remember being sleepy. Apparently I asked for Adrian so much that my mom called them and I talked to them. Apparently i said that they are wonderful and that I’m in love with them (which is true) and tbh my parents still make fun of me for it. I don’t remember doing that at all. I also remember needing to per and the nurse asked me if I could get up or if I wanted a bed pan and I said I was gonna get up. I did, and I was so stumbley and dizzy. I remember getting confused about toilet paper and it took me forever. I also got tangled in the wires and tubes from the IV. This happened 3 more times while I was in the recovery room

I also had a very hard time breathing. I was coughing and my oxygen saturation was in the 60’s which I not good. They gave me albuterol and oxygen which helped a lot.

Night 1 in the hospital

I spent 1 night in the hospital. I know some surgeons do more, some do less.

It was an interesting night. I was on a lot of pain medication and I was starving. I ate a lot of banana bread my mom gave me.

My dad stayed the night with me which was also nice.

Instated on oxygen most of the night until I was breathing better on my own with the help of a spirometer every hour

The hospital however was not good about giving me my meds. Hospital are notorious for fucking up when someone should get meds. I take a lot of medication, mostly for psych stuff, and I absolutly need all of it. The one in particular they weren’t giving me was my anxiety medication, which also stabilizes my blood pressure. So of course my BP is high and they are asking why and saying they can’t give me my meds because it’s not in the system.

So long story short I didnt get my meds but it was fine because it was only one day

In the morning, I got to go home. They gave me one last dose of pain meds and I was ready for the 2 hour car ride back to my house

Before I left however, my surgeon saw me and I got to see my chest. I didn’t expect to see it so soon. The only other time I felt so at peace was when I was high. I also got my drains out that morning because I wasn’t draining much so my surgeon didn’t feel like they were needed

Being home

It is hard. I slept for the first 3 days most of the day. I was on a lot of Percocet. I needed it. I literally just slept on the recliner all day. I woke up to pee and to eat and watch a little bit of parks and rec.

Speaking of peeing. The anesthesia basically stops everything and peeing is hard after surgery. It’s like you can’t make yourself do it, you just have to let it happen

Also pooping. This is TMI but for the love of fuck have stool softeners because pain meds and antibiotics fuck that up and the last thing you need is a tummy ache along with your chest hurting. I took stool softeners in the hospital and when I got home and it still took me 5 days to shit. I know that’s gross but really, love yourself and buy stool softeners.

Okay last bathroom thing I promise. Wearing underwear that are kinda tight is not a good idea. The elastic is gonna be too hard to pull down and you’re gonna get tired and frustrated. I know how absurd that sounds but that’s really how it is. I just didn wear any for a couple days.

Every single thing is difficult. I was so weak I could barely lift a mug. Everything was really hard. I needed a lot of help.

Post op you will cough and need to take very deep breaths. Your lungs are paralyzed during surgery and it takes time for them to sort their shit out once you wake up. I coughed a lot and I coughed up blood and it was gross. I also was at a very high risk for pneumonia so I had to watch that

As the days went on it got easier. I could do more things. I could cook more, I could get up and do things. 4 days post op my partner and my friends and an old teacher came over and saw me and hung out which was nice. Having support is really important and honestly those people made me so happy.

Having someone to help you is so important and also having someone to give you positive vibes and love and support makes all the difference

Emotionally you might be a mess. That’s okay. Go with it. Make sure to take time to self care and do things you enjoy. And don’t be afraid to ask for help

You will get back to normal in time. Recover at your own pace.

What it looks like

When you first see it, it’s gonna be blue and purple and green. All bruised. The stitches look angry and jagged. And it only looks worse as the days go by for the first week or so. That is normal. Your chest went through a lot and it’s gonna bruise and look swollen and gross.

The bruising does fade and the stitches will fall off (if they are the kind that does that). It’s gonna be weird. Don’t pull them, don’t fuck with them. I know how tempting it is, but just don’t.

The swelling lasts for about 3 weeks, then it looks pretty much how it’s gonna look. Remember it’s not gonna be completely flat, it has to match your body

Also you’ll have to wear a surgical binder for at least a month post op

Showering

Wash up. Washcloth and soap or wipes are your friends. You can’t shower head to toe unless you wrap your chest with plastic wrap, which is really hard. I do not reccomend it. Wash your hair in th sink if you want, but only if you have help. Moving your arms like that is gonna be hard.

Once you can shower head to toe, it’s amazing. And your stitches will fall off faster. It’s just really nice. But be gentle because your chest is still tender.

Things I didn’t expect

I’m psychotic so I normally have some hallucinations, but the pain medication made it so intense that I couldn’t function. I thought I was being watched constantly, I was screaming and crying and panicking. It was really scary and really bad. If you’re psychotic, please keep this in mind and share concerns with your doctor. I stopped my pain medication early because of this.

If you have body related trauma, surgery might bring that back up. No one told me this and I was not prepared. I was raped and I have trouble not being in control of my body. I wasn’t even thinking of that until I was on the table seconds before I fell asleep. I would never know what happened during surgery (aside from the obvious) and that scared me and tbh it still does.

I didnt expect how hard it would be to sleep. I slept on the recliner in my living room for almost 3 weeks. I sleep on my stomach and I just couldn’t because it hurt so much. Once I was a month post op I could though and thats what I do now

Infection. I was expecting it to happen as soon as i went off antibiotics but it happened around 3 weeks post op. The nurse at the surgeons office told me i was crazy and she was really rude so I sorted it myself but it was unexpected at that point.

Emotionally it really was hard. Some of that was my mental illness but some of it was post op mood swings and depression. I knew it was a possibility, but I didn’t expect it to be that bad.