Procrastination

idk what they were going for but this sounds like a dril-tier shitpost

mike’s hard bubble tea

It’s just marbles

Tag urself I’m plug & play pink

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

what is the january mood?

Why does the pirate aesthetic have to go so hard like? I absolutely want to wear two coats and tall boots and a ton of fucking knives and a sword hello??? maybe not lose an eye but we all have to make sacrifices

Dads be like. I have trauma. I will never talk about or acknowledge this. One day u will come across a picture of my childhood and realize that I have a entire flesh and blood brother still alive who I have never mentioned or acknowledged. Anyway why dont you tell me anything about ur fucking life.

New Years is a time to reflect on all the BIRDS we’ve seen this year, and to look forward to all the BIRDS we’ll see in the year to come