By Grand Design And Setting Sun

“You’re not my Dad!”

- No one talks about East Edmonton. There is no East Edmonton.

-The sign at the lrt says “coming fall 2014”. Then it says “coming 2015”. Eventually all pretenses are dropped and it simply says “coming”. What is coming you will never know.

-Construction materials rot on the street until they become public art. No one knows how this happens or finds it appealing.

- Somehow a new arena that no one wanted or could afford to pay for appears on the horizon. The downtown core disintegrates faster than Rexall did. Tears begin to fall from Wayne Gretzky’s statue

- Bridges bend out of shape but are safe to cross three weeks later.

- The Mayor continually gets reelected but no one remembers the elections.

- Those from Edmonton Strathcona never leave their area for fear of being eaten by Conservative wolves. 

- West Edmonton Mall continually grows larger until it consumes City Centre.

- In winter citizens never leave their homes after eight in the evening for fear of being eaten by the screeching metallic machines outside that no one talks about.

- You have never seen your neighbour without a scarf. You wonder what happens when the layers are peeled away and whether there is really anyone under there.

- The City claims to hold Festivals but the only ones you remember involve fire and sacrifices to the Sun god.

- Sun glints off the pyramids. Your nostrils sting and eyes water. The corpse flower has awoken for its bi-annual Calgarian sacrifice.

- You have been driving for three hours. You keep looking for mountains on the horizon but you haven’t even reached the end of city limits. You swear you have seen that hay bale before.