🔪-----------------------------------------🔪
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Cosmic Funnies
Xuebing Du
noise dept.

shark vs the universe

roma★
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
🪼
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Peter Solarz
DEAR READER
occasionally subtle
h
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Mike Driver
wallacepolsom

$LAYYYTER

cherry valley forever

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from Portugal
seen from United States
seen from Finland
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye

seen from Canada
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Argentina
seen from Brazil
seen from Taiwan
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from Canada
seen from Finland
seen from Mexico
seen from Mexico
@hobbitadventuresimagines
🔪-----------------------------------------🔪

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
----------------------------------------------
Once in Erebor and Thorins back on the throne Balin takes the time to create a special book for himself and the others.
This book contains all the stories you shared with him while on the journey. The good, the bad, and all the strange ones he doesn't quite understand from the world you come from. Even still each story is precious and he hopes this book will remain with him and the others for a lifetime and after.
----------------------------------------------
Just wait until he gets his hands on some markers next!
----------------------------------------------
Well . ... Somebody's gotta help you clear that kitchen before you start the journey.
@hobbitadventuresimagines did you see that one YouTube hobbit crack video that starts out with Bilbo going: " I can't go out I'm sick * fake cough*"? It's my all time favorite and I can link you immediately if you haven't
ohhh :)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
i haven't posted these in a while so here i go. Dropping more alignment charts because i have an addiction to making these.
𖠳 ᐝ ꕀ
I feel like bilbo is the type to read WebMD pages and thinks he is dying after typing "cough" and "symptoms of cough*
i haven't posted these in a while so here i go. Dropping more alignment charts because i have an addiction to making these.
𖠳 ᐝ ꕀ
Thranduil:
•damnnn
•Damnnnnnn
•DAMNNNNNN
•Ahhh gorgeous amazing spectacular sexy beautiful.
•Slayyyyyyy SLAYY (sorry, not sorry)
•Awe struck and 1000% impressed.
•Had zero, no thoughts head empty, idea that humans could perform such elegant daring moves as good as the elves.
•Well maybe not as good but he loves these "silk dances" and gives you all the attention you deserve.
•You want more silks? Honey he'll have this whole kingdom working to make you the best ones.
•You want an audience. Booked. Sold. Next theater will have everyone attending. (Even of half of them don't understand what's going on)
•Can you teach him? How'd you get so good? What made you want to do this?
•Thranduil is your number one supporter. How could he not.
Elrond:
•For all things good please, please, please be careful.
•Oh look now your fifty feet in the air
•Oh look now your tying your body to look like a swaddled baby.
•Oh look now your falling without a regard to safety and concern.
•He's not amused.
•Okay maybe a little.
•He'll entertain your weird human stunt but don't except an award show for your efforts.
•Elrond will be more interested in the artistic and practicality nature of doing Aerial Silks but all these tricks and flips are starting to worry him.
•Hey at least you aren't starting wars or trying to overthrow kingdoms here.
•As long as you agree to do your activities under the supervision of one of his healers then your performances can be done freely in Rivendell.
•(He's totaly like your father watching you put on some sort of performance, while he sits on the couch saying nothing more than "wow good job" "super cool kiddo")
Legolas:
•Ohhhh
•Now we're talking
•He is very impressed.
•(I mean they all are but like he is very very impressed).
•How could he not think you were the most amazing person in his life.
•It was already so amazing that he got to be friends with a human from another planet but this human does special trick stuff! And they are really good!
•AMAZAING
•He always does that small smirk smile when watching you perform.
•You know the one.
•He thinks everything about this art is wonderful and wants to learn everything about it just to impress you.
•It doesn't even cross his mind that your stunts can be dangerous.
•He just sends you off to climb higher and higher and twist your body even more elegantly than the last.
•However, when trouble does come he's quick to your side to call for any assistance.
Tauriel:
•OHHH WOW WHATT??
•Humans can do stuff like this?
•Teach her next pleaseeee.
•Although more of a fighter, the true elf in her can't pass up an opportunity to appreciate the arts.
•Within a few weeks she's already trying to copy your moves.
•She actually gets the hang of it and is daring herself to do even more elaborate positions.
•She doesn't fully understand why you've decided to do aerial silks but then again she doesn't care. She just sees fun and wants to get her hands on it too.
•Now it's your turn to just sit back and watch someone enjoy your activity.
•Occasionally you pull off stunts together but, most of the time you appreciate each others progress and enthusiasm.
•It starts getting really serious for Tauriel when she starts incorporating, fighting and weapons into the routines.
•You don't know how shes pulling it off but, through sheer will she's starting to do archery while tied up in the air!
•You have to stop her before she starts indoctrinating all the other guards into incorporating Aerial silks into their training.
Lindir:
•Ohhh poor elf.
•He is sooooo worried for you.
•Dude can't help but be worried for you no matter how many talks you've had with him.
•Yes he knows your a professional.
•He knows you've been doing this all your life.
•Yes he knows you have plenty of mats to break your fall but why do anything that'll make you fall at all?!
•Oh sweet summer child why couldn't you have been more normal! Read a book, write an elvish poem, cook, do something that doesn't give him a heart attack!
•He thinks your stunning, yes, but if you are persistent about doing these shenanigans at least agree to have two, no, FIVE healers at the ready.
•No no no don't climb higher!
•Please don't swing that way!
•Oahh nooooo quit "flaunting your stuff" or whatever you just said.
•No NO you will NOT be doing your activities over the guard rails and above the waterfalls.
•What did he do to Elrond to get punished like this?!?
゜✧*̣̩☽⋆゜
*Kili hits Dwalin with a water balloon and next thing you know you have a full blown water war between you, Fili, Kili, Dwalin and Thorin.*
𖠳 ᐝ ꕀ
⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Thranduil:
•damnnn
•Damnnnnnn
•DAMNNNNNN
•Ahhh gorgeous amazing spectacular sexy beautiful.
•Slayyyyyyy SLAYY (sorry, not sorry)
•Awe struck and 1000% impressed.
•Had zero, no thoughts head empty, idea that humans could perform such elegant daring moves as good as the elves.
•Well maybe not as good but he loves these "silk dances" and gives you all the attention you deserve.
•You want more silks? Honey he'll have this whole kingdom working to make you the best ones.
•You want an audience. Booked. Sold. Next theater will have everyone attending. (Even of half of them don't understand what's going on)
•Can you teach him? How'd you get so good? What made you want to do this?
•Thranduil is your number one supporter. How could he not.
Elrond:
•For all things good please, please, please be careful.
•Oh look now your fifty feet in the air
•Oh look now your tying your body to look like a swaddled baby.
•Oh look now your falling without a regard to safety and concern.
•He's not amused.
•Okay maybe a little.
•He'll entertain your weird human stunt but don't except an award show for your efforts.
•Elrond will be more interested in the artistic and practicality nature of doing Aerial Silks but all these tricks and flips are starting to worry him.
•Hey at least you aren't starting wars or trying to overthrow kingdoms here.
•As long as you agree to do your activities under the supervision of one of his healers then your performances can be done freely in Rivendell.
•(He's totaly like your father watching you put on some sort of performance, while he sits on the couch saying nothing more than "wow good job" "super cool kiddo")
Legolas:
•Ohhhh
•Now we're talking
•He is very impressed.
•(I mean they all are but like he is very very impressed).
•How could he not think you were the most amazing person in his life.
•It was already so amazing that he got to be friends with a human from another planet but this human does special trick stuff! And they are really good!
•AMAZAING
•He always does that small smirk smile when watching you perform.
•You know the one.
•He thinks everything about this art is wonderful and wants to learn everything about it just to impress you.
•It doesn't even cross his mind that your stunts can be dangerous.
•He just sends you off to climb higher and higher and twist your body even more elegantly than the last.
•However, when trouble does come he's quick to your side to call for any assistance.
Tauriel:
•OHHH WOW WHATT??
•Humans can do stuff like this?
•Teach her next pleaseeee.
•Although more of a fighter, the true elf in her can't pass up an opportunity to appreciate the arts.
•Within a few weeks she's already trying to copy your moves.
•She actually gets the hang of it and is daring herself to do even more elaborate positions.
•She doesn't fully understand why you've decided to do aerial silks but then again she doesn't care. She just sees fun and wants to get her hands on it too.
•Now it's your turn to just sit back and watch someone enjoy your activity.
•Occasionally you pull off stunts together but, most of the time you appreciate each others progress and enthusiasm.
•It starts getting really serious for Tauriel when she starts incorporating, fighting and weapons into the routines.
•You don't know how shes pulling it off but, through sheer will she's starting to do archery while tied up in the air!
•You have to stop her before she starts indoctrinating all the other guards into incorporating Aerial silks into their training.
Lindir:
•Ohhh poor elf.
•He is sooooo worried for you.
•Dude can't help but be worried for you no matter how many talks you've had with him.
•Yes he knows your a professional.
•He knows you've been doing this all your life.
•Yes he knows you have plenty of mats to break your fall but why do anything that'll make you fall at all?!
•Oh sweet summer child why couldn't you have been more normal! Read a book, write an elvish poem, cook, do something that doesn't give him a heart attack!
•He thinks your stunning, yes, but if you are persistent about doing these shenanigans at least agree to have two, no, FIVE healers at the ready.
•No no no don't climb higher!
•Please don't swing that way!
•Oahh nooooo quit "flaunting your stuff" or whatever you just said.
•No NO you will NOT be doing your activities over the guard rails and above the waterfalls.
•What did he do to Elrond to get punished like this?!?
゜✧*̣̩☽⋆゜
•As the lamplighters finished their routes, setting ablaze each and every tourch, candle, and wick within the halls of Erebor, one human would find themselves wandering the halls in search of adventure.
•Walking barefoot, your body had years to adjust to the cool mountainous kingdom. Anything warmer than spring weather would send you high tailing back to the cool caverns of Erebor.
•The dwarven kingdom within the Lonely Mountain was your home now.
•Not only that but nobody would dare try and kick you out. You did help reclaim this home with Thorin's Company.
•You could recall all the events, meeting Bilbo on his doorstep with Gandalf, all the orc raids, the dragon, and the elves too. Burned into memory forever, it would be a slap in the face to not give you a spot within Erebor considering it was your knowledge that saved the line of Durin from their fates.
•However, you weren't a freeloader. Work did come your way in the form of maid-like duties and studies with Balin but that didn't offend you. Each day was full of new knowledge and peace. Sometimes, you'd introduce your new dwarven companion with oddities and stories from Earth just as you did when you were traveling with The Company.
•Most took to your strange other worldy activities and explanations with good humor and curiosity.
•Though as the work pilled up and, the rebuilding of this once grand kingdom was not nearly as finished as Thorin would have hoped, your story times faded away and the company and other dwarves would soon settle back into their old lives.
•Tonight, and many other nights would become your play place. Your sanctuary. Your one moment of a break before the morning swept you off to your duties.
•Wasn't always lonely. Sometimes Fili and Kili would be awake, up to some mischief again. Some of the guards became your new company and a bar or two would still be serving ale to late workers.
•Though this night you were hoping that your adventure would be solo mission. Continuing to walk on the cool stone path, leading to the entrance, you put on your boots as you braced the outdoors. Tonight, rumors bounced off the halls of the nearby lakes being frozen over. A sign that winter was finally here.
•Trekking down the mountain side you made your way past Dale and down to the nearest lake that was once a popular fishing spot turned into your soon to be makeshift ice rink.
•Truth be told you weren't sure if you should be out here by yourself especially since you were about to go on a frozen lake that could potentially break under your weight.
•What would Thorin say? How would he react come morning and you weren't there by his side, safe within the mountain. Would he ban you from ever leaving if he found out? It was already a battle trying to convince the guards to let you leave. No. You couldn't wait anymore. Who knows when this opportunity will come again. It's been far too long since you've gotten some well deserved "me time".
•Shaking off your doubt you made your way to the bank of this lake. Scooting down on your bum like a child. Finding the right spot you scooted a bit more onto the frozen ice ensuring your body wouldn't cave into the frigid waters. Slowly you stood up and as if all your cautious thoughts disappeared your body couldn't stop itself from moving and gliding.
•Slow twirls quickly turned into great leaps and stunts as your groove came back like instinct. It was refreshing to just be out on the ice while the moon's glow was your only light.
•Several nights did you find yourself venturing out onto the ice. Your schedule soon looked liked "get off of duty, eat dinner, rest for three hours, wake up during night, climb down the mountain, skate till early morning, rush up the mountain, sleep for two hours, and get back to work". Rinse and repeat.
•In no way shape or form was this kind of schedule healthy but, the ice called to you and with each night you went out the more and more you got used to doing intricate moves. You got a piece of your old life back. Something you never would have thought you'd miss in a world full of magic and wonder.
•⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎
•Your plan, as expected, wasn't perfect. Those sleepless nights did come for you as you yawned more than ever. Balin was starting to get worried thar his studies were the cause of your tired appearance. You tried reassuring him that you were just staying up a little later than usual for some, "me time". Though when pressed for answers you didn't know how to answer.
•The old dwarf sighed and smiled reassuringnly but, sternly told you to go to bed on time and that todays lessons could be cut short so you could rest.
•Stumbling out the door to escape the building pressure of your secret becoming more exposed you wack into a body behind you. It was Dwalin, who looked displeased more than usual, at you of all people.
•Appologizing you turn and high tail it out of there.
•Dwalin: *grunts while turning to face his brother*
•Balin: Ohho Mornin' brother! I sent our friend hone early for the day. Seem 'cited enough! Ran into you like ye were a stone wall.
•Dwalin: *sigh* Ye know there lyin to ye, right?
•Balin: I beg yer pardon? .wh . . who's lyin'?
•Dwalin: Yer little scholar thats who.
•Balin: That's strange. I could 'ave sworn they were understandin' all the material?
•Dwalin: Not 'bout yer teachin'. They're up to somethin' and Thorin's worried too. They're slow to respond and they seem more tired then ever.
•Balin: Aye. I have noticed, but they've reassured me that they're just doin' some "me time"... whatever that's supposed to mean.
•Dwalin: Well I've been visitin'.
•Balin: YE'VE BEEN SNOOPIN'!?
•Dwalin: I have been doin' my job.
•Balin: Well I don't recall that bein' yer responsibility to peep up on the human at ye hours.
•Dwalin: It's my job as a friend. They've been unresponsive about their tired behavior.
•Balin: Well if they want to be private, respect it.
•Dwalin: Well if they're doing "me time" why can't I hear any noise comin' from their room? No footsteps, no writin' of pens. Not even a peep! I've chatted up the local late bars by the forge and the one by the workers hall. None have seen the human in a few weeks.
•Balin was beginning to worry. His face said it all as he tried to piece together this mystery.
•Dwalin: *patting his brothers shoulders* I don't believe they're gettin' into trouble. Rumor has it they've been venturin' outside.
•Balin: Ha well THATS not confortin'. Past the gate? Are ye sure?
•Dwalin: I'm not entirely but it doesn't make a lick of sense to me. What business would they even have past the gate 'specially at night.
•(A voice can be heard outside Balin's study): Ye know what I think?
•Dwalin and Balin are startled
•(Appearing): I think we got a case of a spy amongst our ranks.
•Dwalin: MAHALS BALLS. NORI!
•Nori: Haha never knew the kings guard to be so jumpy.
•Balin: Mornin' Nori.
•Dwalin: *Sneering* (*to Balin* Don't welcome him!) and what's this "spy" blabber? What business would the human have besides the business with Thorin!?
•Nori: *squating on Balins desk* *Pointing with his knife* My point exactly! They're with the king more than you and your brother these days! What information they must possessn! If my eyes still work then they must be spyin' on the king for that Bard guy. See them most nights wanderin down the mountain to Dale.
•Balin: *angered* You get yer dirty feet off me desk! And what ridiculously low statements comin' from ye. Spyin'? Have ye forgotten the memories we shared with (Y/A). Was savin' the line of Durin's folk some act to ye? My brother may be on to ye about yer sly behavior. Thought ye were a changed dwarrow. Why I oughta!
Dwalin: Easy brother. I'll handle him. *Addressing Nori* 'Right talk NOW! Ye say ue saw (Y/A) right?. They were indeed travelin towards Dale?.
•Nori: Haha well.
•Dwalin: *grits teeth*
•Nori: Hey it's not as if I saw them go IN. They looked to be takin' a different route completely. Like more off to the side. Could be some secret side entrance. .
•Dwalin: "Nough with the spy nonsense. They no next to nothin' bout dwarven political matters. 'Sides Dale is our ally! They wouldn't need to know anythin' since they attend meetin's regularly with Thorin. What are even doin' late at night anyways.
•Nori: Now now. This isn't the misadventures of Nori we're uncoverin' last I checked wasn't against the law to wander at night.
•Balin: *Sighing* 'right 'right we should focus on the task at hand. Nori if what yer sayin' is true what other idea do ye think (Y/A) is up too?
•Nori: Well since my spy idea is rubish. Um. . latw night shoppin?
•Dwalin: Can't be shops close.
•Nori: bar hoppin?
•Dwalin: Ye have bars here.
•Nori: *Mockin ye have bars here!* uhh could be . . a secret lover?
•Dwalin: *sigh* Now thats. .
*Interrupted*
(Two voices who've been spying themselves into this conversation): *A SECRET LOVER* *falling over each other*
•Balin: Speakin' of spyin'.
•Fili: *picking himself off the floor*: does (Y/A) have a lover we don't know about?
•Kili: Well they didn't tell us!
•Balin: Oh . OH I wasn't aware that my study was Erebors new meetin' hall! OUT! All of ye ! OuT! *shoving the group out*.
•Nori: See the princess believe me.
•Dwalin: They're is no secret LOvEr! Does anyone else have any grand ideas.
•Fili: Um whats this 'bout anyways? So what if (Y/A)'s been leavin' maybe they're sleep walkin'!
•Kili: Yeah and they always come back.
•Balin: Sleep walkin' within Erebor is one thin' but outdoors is another level of dangerous!
•Nori: Couldn't be, they seemed awake enough to navigate 'round the boarders of Dale.
•Balin: Well this conversation is gettin us no where and I doubt asking (Y/A) outright will produce any results.
•Nori: Well why don't we follow them?
•The group ponders for a moment until Fili speaks up.
•Fili: It could work but how are we supposed to go unnoticed. They could easily turn around to see us huddled together and then our plan is ruined!
•Nori: Ehhh I'll just ask Ori to let us stay in the library since he does the nightshift. He probably knows more 'bout what (Y/A) does since they have to pass right by the library doors to get to the gates in the first place.
. . .
Dwalin: YE DECIDED TO KEEP THIS FROM US NOW?!
Nori: what ye never asked.
•Dwalin: know what. Drop it. Yer causen me a headache.
•And so the plan commenced! All returned to their duties until nightfall where an unsuspecting you strolled on down to the gates.
•Trailing behind all was perfect as the group managed to sneak up behind you without setting off an clues. That was until they got to the actual gates themselves. How were they to get passed the guards? They'd have to leave a little bit after you as to not alert their presence but to too late to were they lose your trail.
•They could use one of the Fundin brothers to persuade the guards but what would they say to seeing the guard of the king, the scribe, the two princes and one semi-criminal leaving at this hour?
•Kili: It seems that we've hit a bump in our plan.
•Fili: Yeah uhh haven't really thought this through now did we.
•Dwalin: WILL YE TWO SHUT IT! Look it's not as if we had loads of time to prepare. I was busy doin' my duties protectin' yer uncle. It took me some time to finally rid him so I wouldn' miss our meetin' spot!
•Fili: Oh well. . actually how did you manage to do that?
(Behind the group) Thorin: He didn't.
•Startling the group, the true king of Erebor, Thorin Oakenshield makes himself know.
•Thorin: You think I wouldn't notice the absence of my nephews, how my guard and old friend was tryin' to cast me aside and how (Y/A) condition has been worsenin' with each passin' day?
•Nori: Not entirely my idea this time!
•Thorin: *rolls eyes* Whatever idea you've been entertaining, I'll say hiding in a dark corner by the gate was not my first thought.
•Nori: Well ye saw right? Our human friend has been leavin' doin' Mahal knows what!
•Thorin: *nodding* I will admit I too showed curiosity to why they've been tired and so I decided to keep a closer eye on then personally tonight. I guess I'm not the only one concerned too. Seein' your plan is foiled we might as well see together what our friend has been doing.
•⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
*push push glide*
*push push glide*
•The repetitive nature of how you moved on the ice was far better than any repetitive work you've done while working under Thorin.
•The thrill of the ice beneath your feet, carrying you to daydreams far away as you thought of songs that could go with your movements.
•The speed of skating backyards as you reenacted your favorite hockey moments using nothing more than a log and some pebbles as makeshift sticks and pucks.
•Throwing away your coat as your body began to sweat. Despite the cool night's, skating would seem to warm both soul and body.
•Everything was perfect.
•Tonight was simple. Just glidding effortlessly while enjoying the world around you. A few skips and tricks to shaken the movements but nothing crazy.
•While you skated the band of dwarved had been watching you the whole time. Mouths agape unaware of what magic you possessed to be able to stand upon ice without fear of ever falling in.
•Watching as you skated towards the Lake's river entrance Thorin called out to you.
•. . . . (Y/A)! !
•Startling your blissful trance you, rightfully so, fell smack onto the icy surface. It looked painful and felt worse.
•Fili: *hissing* welp . . . uh nice goin' uncle!
•Thoirn: *Glaring* just go an help them 'right!
•Making the way towards your fallen form the group tried to help you back to shore.
•(Y/A): uhhh . *hiss* ahhh damn it. Who was . oh . Ah damn.
•Realization settling in that your secrets been uncovered you make your way to the shore limping a bit.
•(Y/A): ah yeah . . that's gonna bruise. Ohhh hey guys. Uhhh what brings you out here?
•Thorin: So this is were you've been sneaking off too.
•Kili: Sneaking, leaving, lying WHO CARES! What was that? What were you doing? How are you not falling into the ice? Those movements were incredible!
•(Y/A): It's just ice skating. An activity I used to do back on Earth. I haven't done it in a while. .and.
•Dwalin: And what? Decided to risk gettin' hurt in the middle of the night!
•(Y/A): Well it's the only time I could have done this!
•Nori: Well why didn't you tell us!
•Fili: Or at least Uncle.
•Kili: Hey let's not fight. Who cares they're walking on water!
•Dwalin: Lad it DOES matter.
•As the groups voices drowned your pleas, Thorin aserts himself to give you an opportunity to speak.
•Thorin: Enough! (Y/A) speak!
•(Y/A): uh. . well I don't know. It's not like I feel forced to stay behind the walls or anything.. .its just dumb. . . look like I love working for all of you but breaks are few and far between. . not that I'm ungrateful its just my only alone time is at night. And when I heard those rumors that the lake was frozen I just had to check to see if it was true! And when I got my answer I found it hard to stay away. I'm far away from my home planet and not alot came with me. So I wanted to experience something from my old life again. Even if it is reckless or dangerous and I certainly didn't want to drag any of you into this. Its just some dumb human thing. I don't see why I should have woken you up to watch me . .
•Fili: Watch you have fun and do somethin' incredible!
•Kili: Whatever you've been doin' I would have stayed up all these nights just to watch you!
•(Y/A): seriously? It's the middle of the night!
•Nori: Well look whos talkin'? You could have at least asked!
•Balin: (Y/A) you could have asked fer a vreak anytime. I think I can speak fer all of us when we say we would have loved to get to know ye better.
•(Y/A): So what happens now?
•Thorin: Given that there is no point in doin' this by yourself why don't we all take a break tomorrow. I can forgive you for leavin' if you would be happy to teach us all your "ice skating".
•⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
•In the morning all of the company was given "Thorin approved leave" to endulge in your human activities. They were impressed by your displays of ice skating that Fili and Kili were rushing to get on the ice. They fell, but hey baby steps right? The princess took to the concept of hockey while Ori, Balin, and Thorin were trying to copy your figure skating techniques. Nori and Bofur were naturals as they competed to be the better of the two skaters. Dwalin was stiff as a board, internally panicking about falling into the ice that you and Bombur had to help push him just to get him moving. All was magical as you got to finally rest and enjoy the wonder of ice skating together with friends.
⋆。˚ ☁︎ ˚。⋆。˚☽˚。⋆
*WARNNING FLASHING/CHANGING COLORS*
ITS A CARMELLDANSEN MEME SO CHANGING COLORS
*This is all Thorin has been hearing for the past three months now. Fili, Kili and all the others are having a blast. Thorin needs therapy. Mahal help him*
⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
゜✧*̣̩☽⋆゜
*Thank you so much anonymous for sending in this request! Thank you for your patience. I will be writing the Dwarves version next!*
•As the cold air seeped into the dense forest home of the Mirkwood elves you would change your summer wardrobe for some warmer elven styled coats and boots. Hemmed to your human size you were an odd creature living amongst these high brow folks. However, your presence was never shunned nor outcasted because who would ever dare upset the kings personal human assistant from another world.
•Falling into the kings lap was not the gift he was expecting on his 6,520th birthday but a gift he wasn't willing to part with.
•You would soon understand why you were brought here when Thorin's company passed by these woods.
•You would help them during the battle of the five armies in ensuring their survival. However, when the setting sun of the final hours of battle passed you couldn't help but rejoin the elven king and his people.
•Peace in Middle Earth (for the time being) allowed you to fully settle into your roll. The biggest surprise was befriending the elven king, who has been more than thankful for your assistance to not just him, but all creatures big and small of Middle Earth.
•Walking down the waning hallways of this vast woodlen relm you arrived at the meeting hall. Before entering you said your good mornings to the guards standing in their posts.
•Opening the door you braced for the long hours ahead. This was just one of many meetings assess all the elven lords and ladies activities, as well as check up on how your wellbeing.
•At the far left sat Lord Elrond accompanied by his daughter Arwen. Smiling at her and waving you became close friends the minute you met months ago. Her ever lasting curiosity of your world made it easy for her to open up to you despite initial pushback from her father.
•(Though Lord Elrond would come to open up too as his own curiosity would get the better of him.)
•The one elf in all of Rivendell that seemed to be weary of you was Elrond's right hand, Lindir. However, Elrond would only rest assured that Lindir means no ill intent. He's just a bit more reserved for an elf is all.
•To the far right of the table sat the beauty of Middle Earth herself, Galadriel. Even you dare not speak with her so casually. She only asked about your world a few times in passing and you were willing to answer most questions. Though, she seemed to carry this sense that she already knew everything there was to know about you. A tad bit unnerving you didn't want to pry for questions.
•Accompanying her would be her guard Haldir. Not much was known about him either but, he didn't seem bothered by your presence.
•Lastly the elf in charge of hosting this meeting was none other than yours truly, Thranduil king of Mirkwood. His son Legolas, another elf you could call a close friend, sat beside him while Tauriel stood guard behind. She addressed you, formally but, at her side she sneaked a polite wave before seating you next to Thranduil. Settling down and ready to write out all the important details you found your mind wandering more than usual.
•Sure meetings of this caliber were always a bore but, you found motivation to stay focused in case something important were to be brought up. However, the chilled air, smells of pine and, rumors of snow falling outside the kingdom halls made you feel more trapped, than when you were literally jailed away for helping the dwarves all those years ago.
•Startled by the sound of Thranduil calling your name, you hadn't realized your zoning out had caused you to stop writing entirely. Embarrassed you apologized but, Thranduil only gave you a soft smile. He announced that this could be a perfect opportunity for a break. As the elven lords and their followers left you lept from your seat only to be stolen away by Legolas and Tauriel.
•Tauriel: Miss (Y/A)? Are you feeling well? Your mind seems to have wandered more than normal.
•(Y/A): Tauriel we are friends you know, (Y/A) is fine and, I am alright I guess. I'm just a bit board is all.
•Legolas: *smiling* As much as I believe these meetings to be important I have to agree that they feel like an eternity to get through.
•Tauriel: *Smirking* I know. Not to mention you important elves, and human, get to at least sit in chairs. I have to stand around until my legs go stiff!
•(Y/A): I really wish they would provide you a seat. I mean there is no need for you to be alert anymore! It's been months since we've seen stray orcs and they weren't even near the boarders of the kingdom! Speaking of the kingdoms boarders how is everything outside? Still infested with spiders?
•Legolas: 'fraid so and the folliage is still as dead as ever.
•Taurial: Though that's not to say that the surrounding areas aren't gorgeous this time of year! Although we don't experience snow as heavily as the dwarfs, the snow on the plains is amazing and the nearby streams and lakes are all frozen over like a shimmering mirror.
•That last comment piqued your interest. Despite living here for years, it was hard to expand the elves horizons about activities from Earth. It's not like you came with hoards of items to offer! Just yourself and all the items that were in your bed room. Thranduil became a fan of your board games, Tauriel liked your books and Legolas was intrigued by your decor but, they couldn't even make out the importance of a "Gucci bag" or what an airplane is. One item in your room that you tried to integrate was a pair of ice skates. When Legolas came upon them he was flooding you with questions about your "combat skills" and how to use such a strange weapon in battle.
•When you explained what they actually were his interest seemed to disappear and the shoes where tucked back into your closet.
•Since then you never had a reason to use them. There weren't icey lakes within the kingdom anyways. Even though you had permission to come and go into the kingdom freely, lakes were to far to even consider checking out for ice.
•Though if what Tauriel was saying is true, your skates might see the light of day after all.
•Asking Tauriel about how far away the lake was, left puzzled expressions on your elven friends faces but, they happily answered. They probably chalked it up to you being so bored you've resulted to giving a hoot about something as plain as ice. However, your mind was filled with worry and excitement, as you calculated if you were really going to go out on the ice.
•(Y/A): Hmm. . Oh. You don't say. . okay. . doesn't seem too bad. Okay. Okay! *Nodding silently* *slams hands on table* Alright. Lets go.
•Legolas: *being dragged along* Going. . where?!? My Father may put up with your strange human needs but, I doubt he'd find the humor in you leaving the kingdom at the moment!
•Tauriel: *Giggling* That's (Y/A) for yeah! Always a bundle of surprises! Here! Let me lead the way, or have fun getting lost!
⋆。˚ ☁︎ ˚。⋆。˚☽˚。⋆
•Arriving at the lake it was smaller than expected, but not to worry! You've waited far to long to let that effect you.
•Sitting on the ground you brought out your skates as Tauriel and Legolas watched in bewilderment.
•Legolas: So this is the "special surprise" you retrieved before leaving. I remember you informing me that these bladded shoes are not weapons but, what do they have to do with ice?
•(Y/A): *smiling* you'll see!
•Hobbling over to the edge of the lake you observed which spot would be the safest to enter on. Finding your opening you scooted carefully onto the ice while Legolas and Tauriel watched on with horror!
•Tauriel: *Leaping into action* (Y/A)!! What are you doing! You could fall through the ice!
•(Y/A): *waving your hands to stop her* It's okay! It's okay! *shakily standing* just . . watch in case I do *smiles reassuringly*. I think you guys will enjoy this.
•Starting off small you push, push and glide. Repeating the action a few times to get your footing in place. Establishing that the ice was indeed thick enough to support your weight you picked up the pace of your skating and started doing more moves.
•Legolas and Tauriel stood in amazement. Even the simplicity of just skating backwards was enough to make the two of them smile.
•Beliving its been only a few minutes, you've been gone for quite a while. Thranduil, as well as the other elf lords, went out to search for your disappearance. Walking through the thicket of Mirkwood, Thranduil, Galadriel and Haldir walked with ease where the Rivendell crew seemed less than thrilled to be searching for you in these conditions.
•Arriving at the clearing, almost blinded by the reflective lake, Thranduils worry fell off his shoulders, relieved to see you alright.
•Haldir would sour the moment by stating "The importantce of this meeting was delayed over the childish endangerment of you human servant." Lindir would actually agree with the stern elf warriors sentiment.
•Thranduil would glare at the two of them for simplifying your status to "servant" however he couldn't disagree with their frustration. What exactly where you doing on the ice?
•As Thranduil and the others made their way over to the edge of the lake your movements on the ice became more and more dance like.
•Twisting and bending you closed your eyes imagining scenarios of crowds cheering over your spins and skips. Reciting the lyrics to Joji's "Slow dancing in the dark" affected how you danced on the ice. Your hands became more involved and, this tiny lake formed into a great ice rink and you were in the spotlight of your mind.
•As the climax of the song rang in your head you challenged yourself to pull of a jump spin while landing on one leg.
•The seconds in the air were ethereal. Had Galadriel not been here, you would have been the most beautiful person in the area. Landing gracefully you looked up to see sets of eyes watching you, silently admiring your performance.
•It would have been a perfect display had you not triped, landing on your butt for not being more careful with your surroundings. Legolas and Arwen would rush over to help showering with compliments.
• Approaching your form, Thranduil and Galadriel would tower over you.
•Thranduil: "So this is were you decided to run off too. Seeing as you displayed a lovely show I can over look this "careless adventure".
•Galandriel: . . So long as you show us some more of these Ice dances.
•Elrond: *Appearing behind you* . and if you are willing to teach us too. It's high time we learn more about your other worldy activities. If they are anything like this I wouldn't mind learning.
•Smilling along, you happily agreed to show all the elves how to ice skate, but first you neeed to figure out who to teach first, while Legolas, Arwen, Tauriel and even Lindir began fighting over the spot!
⋆。˚ ☁︎ ˚。⋆。˚☽˚。⋆

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
*I'm just gonna leave these here*
More memessss