hipOrcriticalview

Why is it hard to admit you’re actually smart and educated in the workplace (society in general)? I never had a problem with it. Although, I guess it depends on what you define as a problem. I mean, the problem I had was that yeah, once they knew I was smart, my position grew and created itself into one of many hats and duties… and a whole lot of being taken for granted. So in that aspect, I guess it makes sense. But, I wouldn’t have changed it. I wasn’t afraid to show my smarts. I wasn’t modest or humble, things that we’re taught to be. Hiding my greatness seemed stupid. Yes, I’ve been called conceited and a host of other things, but… I had it all to back it up. I had told my son a few months ago, that the idea of “pretending we’re dumb” or just being humble about our skills seemed incredibly self-defeating to me. To openly say to the world that you are just normal/mediocre; to downplay what we really are, is the EXACT opposite of self-love and HURTS the growth of our self-esteem.

So… yeah, I’ve always openly said I was/am a Badass. That I am, like, super smart even. What has this done for me? Well, besides being boastful and full of myself, I have a voracious appetite to continue learning. For all the information in my brain that I’ve filed away for future use, I still have room and need more input, because my brain is constantly evolving and being better able to adapt and absorb bigger and deeper concepts. If I had believed my dad all those years he told me I was stupid… If I had accepted that I was “good enough”, then at worst, I’d be just like the masses. But, I never wanted that. I wanted to make a difference in this world, and that’s what I’ve been doing for 30+ years with everyone I meet. Be it a small difference, or something drastically life-changing.

I thought about this, this morning when after speaking about Quantum Physics, Religion, and Evolution with my husband for about an hour, he called in and just said he’d overslept and that’s why he’d be in a bit late. But that frustrates me, because my husband is like, super smart, too. And I’m sitting there thinking, why wouldn’t you just tell the truth which is far more interesting than the lie? And what about the nights when we stay up all night being intimate, why wouldn’t you say that your wife kept you up all night and then ya’ll repeated it this morning, and now you’re physically exhausted, and that’s why you are late? And, I’m sorry, I know what a bunch of people would say, but NO, it’s NOT about the whole “sex life doesn’t belong in the workplace” argument, because as much as people don’t want to know the details, they DO WANT to know that there ARE people out there that can still have a powerfully strong and wonderful relationship after “X” (12, in our case) amount of years.

Because if someone else can do it, maybe there’s hope for them, as well? And if your co-worker can be late to work for talking about Quantum Physics with his wife first thing in the morning over coffee, when you live in a small town and work at a simple small town engineering company… then… why couldn’t that also be you? Why couldn’t you also have deeper conversations about life theories that transcend the normal daily grinding conversations or just basic “good mornings” most couples might share?

My sister sneered at me the other day when I said I have high standards when it comes to a mate. I guess a man who was an alcoholic for years makes a bad person? Or a man who was depressed and uninvolved, because of his own challenges he had to (and did) overcome; makes a bad mate? That was just him on the surface, but deeper? This guy has a REAL BRAIN. He has patience and compassion. He loves my kids, and MORE importantly- they LOVE him. He ‘gets’ the big ideas and string theory complexities of life. He willingly adapts and evolves and has the same insatiable love and need for learning that I do… Add to that an equally insatiable sex drive… sounds like the perfect man for me.

I guess I just don’t agree with the lying about our greatness; or about the unwillingness to share our stories. I’ve always felt that if I’m doing well or I know something… that I should share it. I’ve always felt that if my experiences could help someone, or if my insights could… that it was my RESPONSIBILITY to share it. I lead by example. When I say my motto is “If I can be a happy bitch, then so can you,” I 100% mean it. Each person has a certain skill set. I’m just the person that you meet one day that is completely confident in themselves, and the guidance and advice that I offer. I practice what I preach. I can be taken for face value. There are no mysteries to me.

Sometimes, I wish I had a public journal that I could share with others that might feel the things I feel, without having to share it with those close to me.

Sometimes, sharing my thoughts and stressors with strangers is a more pleasant thought, than opening up and exposing myself further to the people who SHOULD know me best & care the most.

Sometimes, I wish I could write in anonymity, but I OWN my life and it's decisions. If I'm miserable, I have myself to 'blame', no one else... even if I want to... even if I feel they should be as obligated and concerned with my wellbeing as I am with theirs. But I am too proud of who I've become, too secure in my own mind and soul to NOT own the things I say.

Sometimes, I wish I had far lower standards; that I could be more carefree, or care less.

Sometimes, the disappointment I feel for the people that should be my equals, or even my superiors, is suffocating.

Sometimes, I really just want to burn every scrap of paper or delete every digital log of any thought that verifies my existence as an individual... so I can just be part of the crowd. The flock. The unwary. The group that lives within the Matrix of lies and complacency that dictate our illnesses & shortcomings. The village of blind, deaf, and dumb our souls live in, when it comes to seeing, hearing, and speaking with our hearts and minds, and living by our own wants and desires.

Sometimes, caring sucks.

If I second guess myself, after I've made a decision, then I open the door of Doubts. Like a dam, holding back a mighty river, once I open that door, an irreparable hole is inundated with forceful, destructive thoughts that erode away even the most concrete of foundations, until the happy little village of "Problem Solved, I'm okay" is flooded with new miseries, and finally, washed away...

This is great

Let me just put this here, since Twitter only has so much space to explain what I meant, even if they did increase the number of characters allowed per tweet.

This is a movie about white people STILL enslaving black people. (It) plays upon a known and common fear, and portrays that fear with a believable plotline.

Am I saying that the actual method used is plausible and currently happening? Not really. Instead, I’m just saying that the concept of transplanting someone’s essence into that of another body, while the other person remains trapped in there sharing that space as well, is a nicely used metaphor for mind control & oppression.

But, I’m getting off track here. THE REASON why I felt so strongly about Jordan Peele’s “Get Out” winning, is that it is a movie written/produced by a BLACK producer, that doesn’t favorably show upper-class white people in a great light, instead, it basically shows how white people (yet again) played another version of trickonomics on black people.... and yet, Jordan Peele STILL won an Oscar for it!

This was a highly talked about, racially charged film, that many black people got behind because it was relatable. And in the “typically” white male dominated ring of award shows, a BLACK MAN won an Oscar. No, he didn’t win the best movie etc. etc. But he DID win.

Devil’s Advocate says that on the other hand, maybe “they” gave him that award because they felt they had to give him “Something” or else face an outrage from the Black Community & such. And since they certainly couldn’t give him Best Picture, they gave him basically a consolation prize: Best Original Screenplay.

Even the “Best Original Screenplay” is debatable, because “some” elements remind me of Skeleton Key, and the base concept of enslaving a person within their mind/body-hopping HAS been done throughout the long human history of storytelling, period.

Unfortunately, only time will tell. Did he win the Oscar because he absolutely should have? Or was it an underhanded pity-prize to soothe the politically explosive atmosphere our society has become? I personally think Jordan Peele SHOULD HAVE won an Oscar, which one? I dunno. I’m just really glad he did, and my enthusiasm for it comes from the desire to want to SEE that change in action... to be a PART of that change... and to be SUPPORTIVE of that change. The change where ALL movies are judged and considered for awards, not just the ones of the “in” crowd, etc.

(I originally wrote this on Facebook, August 31, 2017)

(I originally posted these two on Facebook, February 18, 2017, & February 21, 2017

“Coincidence and Logic make a dangerous pair”– me. I just said that.

(I originally posted this on Facebook, August 31, 2017)

I'm the person everyone comes to for help. But who the Hell, do I go to?

If you've read any of my posts from any of my blogs, you might already know that I'm a builder of people and fixer of people's problems. You might already know that I'm also an INTJ Libra female. You might already know that I have bipolar depression, endometriosis, and polycystic ovarian syndrome. You might already know that I went through puberty at a very young age and was hypersexual throughout my adolescence and early adult years. You might already know that I don't give a flying f*@k about what others think of me, when compared to what I THINK OF ME.

If you did or didn't know any of this, it's pretty much irrelevant to this post, I guess. I'm not even sure what this post is supposed to be. I'm just sitting here, in a cold truck, in a quiet parking lot at night, needing to say... something.

????

But I'm not sure what.

I mean, I have a LOT to say. But I question who would fully understand (it), in its majority. Like, who can truly understand what I AM feeling?

I know I'm not the only person with too many responsibilities, too many projects, too many worries, too many mouths to feed and lives to guide. I know I'm not the only person who puts 20+ hour days into a job that possibly doesn't pay until you're on your deathbed and you get to reflect on the life you've led.

You see, where I end up feeling alone, is when I try to find answers... anywhere... and I can't find them. So then being who I am, I dig into my own consciousness and find the answers there... only to have to store that information for later so I can share this insight with others who need this guidance.

I want to know how many others out there REALLY live the life of a sage, a prophet, an apostle, a god? And I'm not talking about those fake ass people who are just repeating what they've been told. I mean people who genuinely KNOW the answer, naturally & instinctively. The people who were born with that knowledge.

I want to know who the general cries to. Who god cries to? What or who, is the Apex predator afraid of?

I know, that title seems pretty damn presumptuous. I better be able to back that up, right? Well, here goes...

First, what's the difference between Leaders and Followers? There are many differences that one could argue, but being a logical person, and one who has spent a lifetime growing people in one capacity or another, for this argument I'll simply posit this question:

When reflecting on an idea, do you say *What I was taught OR *What I have learned?

Pretty simple right?

No?

Maybe because some people feel these two options are basically the same thing?

But they're not. Related, yes. Same, no. Not at all, on a fundamental level.

Here's an example to illustrate the two in tangent: Let's start at the beginning of some basic things we were taught. We were TAUGHT that 1 + 1 equals 2. When we tried it for ourselves using either pictures or actual objects, EVERY time we came to the same answer, two. So then, we LEARNED that 1 + 1 does in fact, equal two. With me so far?

Here's another. We were TAUGHT that if you don't watch where you are going/slow down when running around on smooth tile, etc. you might fall down and hurt yourself. When we didn't apply this cautionary advice, we LEARNED through our own (😉hehe) DOWNFALL, that yes, in fact, it DOES hurt when you slip and fall.

Let's explore further...

By using the word TAUGHT, as a replacement for the word LEARNED, an injustice occurs for the educational process, and also it invalidates a person's claim to any type of authority on any matter.

Why?

Because you can easily substitute two different words for the former ones.

TAUGHT is TOLD

LEARNED is EXPERIENCE

If you believe what you are TOLD, and base your comments and advice to others off of that material, you are no better than a relay. A middleman. Someone of little importance and unreliable influence.

But if what you speak about comes from what you have LEARNED, now you are credible. Now you have a reason to be trusted.

I can feel some minds and eyes burning right now with rebutle... *So what you're saying is that if someone tells you, "Don't jump off a bridge because you'll probably die," you're saying that you'd have to jump off to test that theory, regardless?

No. That's not what I'm saying, at all. I'm saying that I can trust that advice as a truth, based off of what I have LEARNED through my own EXPERIENCE. I have LEARNED that 1+1=2. Which helped me learn that THIS plus THAT equals ANSWER. Which in turn, established the basis for understanding CAUSE and EFFECT. So I can apply what I have LEARNED to understand that what I was just TOLD, is plausible.

Example: I was told that I could slip and fall and it would hurt, I didn't listen. So when I slipped and fell, I got hurt. So I can presume, quite confidently, that jumping off of a bridge would most definitely hurt and damage my body, and the likelihood for death is strong. Add in that over the years I've known of, and read about, countless people who ended their lives in just such a manner, so again, I can confidently presume that if I did the same, I too would die.

Let's play some Devils Advocate, shall we?

Let's say you were TAUGHT to respect your elders without exception, as most of us were. We were TAUGHT not to question our parents, teachers, adults & authority in general. Those who did question got in trouble, like me, but I guarantee we learned something instead of blindly following a path. But, that in itself is nothing bad. Nor is it something to be ashamed of (the blindly following, part).

But here's where Leading and Following matter when it comes to being a parent, or a teacher, or any kind of role model. Here's where being TAUGHT and having LEARNED, make ALL the difference.

So you have kids, and you then teach your children to respect their elders without exception, what is the problem with that? Doesn't this solve the question of how to raise well-behaved Kids? No. It ABSOLUTELY does NOT.

If you/they are taught to NOT question authority, how easy is it then to fall victim/become prey? Victims to lies, Victims of injustices, Victims of abuse? How easy is it to submit to someone's commands, when you've been TAUGHT that that is what you are supposed to do, and that you listen and do as you're told "because I said so." How do they ever know to fight and stand up for THEMSELVES, or that they even CAN, if they are not given the chance to decide for themselves, by LEARNING, who deserves their respect? And more importantly, that they, themselves, deserve respect as well.

If you are TOLD that "this is the right way" to raise your kids, and that is how you actually raise them, and you never question it, and you never deviate from it, then when your kid rebels or hates you, or gets in trouble, or even commits suicide, what then, do you tell yourself? It was God's will? The kid is/was a bad seed? It was society's fault/influence? What? What is your excuse? You "did the best you could"? No, you didn't. You did not try everything. You did not search for your own answers. You did not make your child your priority. You left them to the RULES. You TAUGHT them that blind followship was the only option. And they LEARNED not to trust YOU.

It is our responsibility to raise our kids. If they have a problem, we must fight for a solution until our dying breath. We brought them into this world. They were OUR choices. They did not choose us. They are born vulnerable and impressionable, and it is our duty to protect them, but NOT shield them. They have their own lives to live and their own choices to make. Those decisions are not OURS. Period. We will not be with them every second, of everyday for the entirety of their lives. So we must give them the foundation to make their lives as full as possible, by allowing them to actually LEARN, and not to just accept what they are TAUGHT.

Kids naturally question everything. It is when they are continually shut down and told to shut up, that their instictual inquisitiveness is repressed or goes away. This is a shame. This is how a society is weakened; by perpetuating the belief that you must follow the rules and never question them "Because they said so". Whether through government or religion or something else entirely, there are factions out there that hold the power, that are the authority, that abuse their followers in different countless ways. And because of this simple mindset, those same followers know not that they are both abused AND oppressed. Instead, they give over their precious lives willingly, on faith that this authority knows best, and they fight to defend that authority without question, without ever actually LEARNING for themselves what is right and what is true.

And the truly sad part is that this will NEVER stop. Learning is far more painful than just living ignorant. Some truths test our boundaries and make us uncomfortable, and most people are afraid of anything changing. So they keep to one perspective only.